Posted by ekjadmin on January 12, 2012
How to Prepare (or Not Prepare, as the Case May Be) for an Abysmally Failed Divorce Mediation
1. Prior to mediation don’t think about what you are willing to settle for. Don’t attempt to take the other party’s side into consideration. Instead, focus solely on getting everything that you want, irrespective of objective fairness and the advice of your attorney and trusted advisors, even if it means having to bully your spouse into giving up what would otherwise be fair and reasonable solutions.
-
2. Don’t bring any supporting documentation of your income, assets, debts, and liabilities with you to mediation. Remember that money factors largely in any divorce case, whether it is division of assets and property or calculating child support and alimony. It’s extremely difficult to settle on any of these major issues when you don’t even know your income, how much things are worth, how much money you need or can afford to pay, or what debts amounts to assume and/or divide. On the other hand, even if you are certain you know these amounts, it is imperative that you have evidence to back up your claims. You wouldn’t take your spouse’s word for it that he couldn’t afford to pay you alimony based on his current income if he can’t show you pay stubs, expense receipts, etc. to back up that claim, would you? It goes both ways.
-
3. Spend as much time as possible (or maybe even the whole mediation) complaining to the mediator about how terrible your spouse is, how terrible your marriage was, telling war stories, etc. The purpose of mediation is for the parties to see if they can reach agreement as to how to settle the issues and the mediator’s role is to facilitate this. You won’t be able to settle any issues or move forward if you spend your time focusing instead on your opinion as to what caused the problem in the first place (and how none of it is your fault). Keep in mind that you’re paying both the mediator and your attorney by the hour to simply “vent” instead of working towards viable resolutions in your case.
-
4. Spend the mediation yelling and screaming at your spouse and accusing him/her of everything they have ever done wrong. This will surely destroy any good will that may be present at the mediation as well as any desire to be cooperative in working out a settlement with you.
-
5. Don’t listed to advice of your counsel and instead make snap decisions based on how angry or tired you feel at that moment. Odds are you are going to regret those decisions once you calm down. This also greatly increases the chance that if you reach an agreement at all one day, you are going to be very unhappy with that agreement the next.
