My Best Rules of Thumb – Part 1 – Recording phone calls and visitation exchanges for your protection

My Best Rules of Thumb – Part 1

Many people have asked me for general “rules of thumb” on divorce—things to do or not do when preparing for or going through a divorce.  I realized that I share these rules of thumb in conversation all the time but have yet to put them in writing.  So commencing with this posting, I will be putting in writing these rules of thumb as I recollect them.

When preparing for or going through a contentious Utah divorce with a loquacious and dishonest spouse who makes allegations with all the discretion of a high school wrestling team at an all-you-can-eat Chinese buffet, you would be wise to:

1. Carry around with you, on your person, everywhere you go (everywhere, as you would your keys or wallet) a digital voice recorder that you can connect to a computer to download the recordings; and

1. Keep in your car a hidden video camera to record pick-ups and drop-offs of the children during visitation (now called parent-time).

Why, you may ask?

Because first, it is perfectly legal in Utah to record phone calls with your spouse , and you can do so without telling your spouse you are recording (even if your spouse asks):

Utah Code § 77-23a-4 (Offenses — Criminal and civil — Lawful interception), Subsection (7) (b):

“A person not acting under color of law may intercept a wire, electronic, or oral communication if that person is a party to the communication . . . unless the communication is intercepted for the purpose of committing any criminal or tortious act in violation of state or federal laws.”

So when your spouse accuses you of being a drug addict and child abuser in divorce pleadings, but then turns around during a telephone call or personal meeting admits “Oh, yeah, sorry about that; I know you’re not a drug addict or a child abuser, but my attorney told me to put that in there for leverage,” you have evidence for the judge that: 1) you’re not a drug addict or child abuser and your spouse admits it; and 2) your spouse and/or the attorney is not one to let the facts get in the way of a good, self-serving story, and thus should not be trusted as to other lurid allegations about you.

A good digital voice recorder costs around $50 or more, but the evidence you can get from recording the phone calls that exonerate you and incriminate your lying spouse can be priceless.

And why keep the hidden video camera (and the kind you want is one that don’t use film and that allow you to download the videos to a computer) in your car  hidden to record pick-ups and drop-offs of the children during parent-time?  For reasons similar to having the digital recorder:

• when you pick up the kids without incident, but then you see flashing police car lights in your rear view mirror and are accosted by a police officer who tells you he just got a call wherein your spouse reported you as having “pounded [always “pounded” or "banged," never simply “knocked”] on the door, screaming obscenities that would make a sailor blush, threatening violence to everyone including the family parakeet, and then refusing to leave the porch,” you can play the video for the officer showing that you pulled quietly to the curb, tooted your horn briefly to announce your arrival, remained in the car while the kids came out and got in, never spoke a harsh word to your spouse, and then carefully drove away as you observed the speed limit.  Thus you have acquitted yourself of wrongdoing, avoided arrest or citation (and hassle by the police), and now you have a P.O.-ed police officer witness who will write up an official report you can show the judge, Child Protective Services, and anybody else who might want to come after you based on the bogus allegations.

OR

• You exchange the kids without incident, but then, after your spouse has safely driven out of view, a police officer knocks at your door and tells you he just got a call wherein your spouse reported you as having refused to turn the kids over, threatened the spouse to have your significant other “kick your ass” [it’s always a threat to “kick your ass”] bad-mouthed your ex and screamed obscenities in the presence of the children [it’s always in the presence of the children] that would make a sailor blush, you can play the video for the officer showing that you opened the door, sent the kids to the car with a cheerful wave and blown kiss, then shut the door quietly and without a word once the kids were safely in the car.  Again, you’ve acquitted yourself of wrongdoing, avoided arrest or citation (and hassle by the police), and now you have a P.O.-ed police officer witness who will write up an official report you can show the judge, Child Protective Services, and anybody else who might want to come after you based on the bogus allegations.

It cost you about $100-$200 for the video camera, but again, the evidence you gleaned is priceless to you and your case, and it’s a heck of a lot cheaper to spend $300 or so on a digital voice recorder and a video camera than it is to pay your lawyer to try (emphasis on try) to:

• defend you against bogus claims that often come down to being decided on a “better safe than sorry” standard or on who the court thinks has the more honest face;

OR

• show, based on nothing but your say-so, that your spouse has a hair-trigger temper and makes even the neighbor’s pit bull tremble in fear every time there’s a parent-time exchange.

Note:  You may think, “Hey, that’s some good, inside-baseball-style advice, but I don’t need to buy anything because my smartphone records calls and has a built-in video camera.”  Well, if you cannot afford to buy a separate digital voice recorder and digital video camera, your smartphone may do the job in a pinch, but some (most) smartphones:

• only record your voice, not the other person with whom you are speaking;

• have limited voice recording time (and I mean very limited, like 15 minutes);

• are hard to set up for video quickly, when you need to record, and are hard to hide

• And finally, what do you do when you’re recording voice, but need video, or vice versa?  And what happens if you’re using the phone to record voice or video, but then an important call comes in?  You are better off having a dedicated digital voice recorder and digital video camera.

Be sure to keep a pile of fresh batteries handy at home, at the office, and in the car.  And if your digital voice recorder or digital video camera only takes rechargeable batteries, make sure they are always charged every day.

And remember:  If you can record your spouse’s shenanigans, your spouse can record you; so always be on your best behavior because in today’s world, you never know who’s watching and taking note.  Cheers.

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