Successful Strategies for Divorce, If You Have No Conscience or Sense of Decency

I have been wanting to prepare a posting entitled “Successful Strategies for Divorce, If You Have No Conscience or Sense of Decency” for years, but have been too busy to organize for this purpose until now.

Because political correctness has all but surely killed any appreciation for satire and thus also scared witless anyone who might wish to write satirically, before I go any further I must make the following disclaimer:

With my blog posting(s) under the title of “Successful Strategies for Divorce, If You Have No Conscience or Sense of Decency,” I am not encouraging anyone to engage in dishonest, illegal or other wrongful behavior in divorce.  My purpose of such a blog posting or postings on the subject is quite the contrary, i.e., to utilize irony, sarcasm, ridicule, or the like to expose, denounce, and deride inequitable behavior in divorce and those who engage in it.  By exposing such misconduct I hope to help in its eradication.

So please, if you have experienced, know of an experience, or can think of a means whereby one can cheat to win in the divorce arena, please share.  Any account that sheds light on any shady tactic is welcome, but I am particularly interested in outrageous behavior in the following battle grounds common to most divorces:

• Real Estate
• Personal Property
• Debt
• Retirement/Pension
• Children

Here are some ideas to get the creative juices flowing:

• Character Assassination/Public Humiliation As a Bargaining Chip
• Wasting Time/Pointless or Gratuitous Delays for Fun and Profit
• Wasting Money/Pointless or Gratuitous Expense for Fun and Profit
• Protective Orders (or “The Morally and Financially Poor Woman’s Divorce Substitute”)
• Manipulating and/or Duping Law Enforcement and Child Welfare Agencies As a Means of Obtaining Thousands of Dollars in Free Help Toward Winning Your Fraudulent Child Custody Claim
• Identifying Judicial Blind Spots and How to Hide Both Your Case’s Weaknesses and the Opposing Party’s Strengths in Them
• How to Get Away With Murder by Making Everyone Around You Equate “Respect” with “Unmitigating Tolerance” of Your Shenanigans
• Exploitation of Cultural Myths and Stereotypes As a Substitute for Impartial, Contemplative, Rational Analysis of Fact
• How Far Can You Take Junk Science?
• How to Twist Mediation to Your Own Selfish Purposes
• Quote Lincoln in Support of Any Proposition, No Matter How Ludicrous
• Understand and Master Court Rules and Procedures So That You Can Discover How to Violate Them Repeatedly and With Impunity
• How to Lie Without Getting Caught, and How to Get the Opposing Party in Trouble With the Court If the Opposing Party Catches You in a Lie and is Fool Enough to Accuse You Correctly of Being a Liar
• The Surprisingly Broad Limits of Citation to False and/or Nonexistent Authority
• How to Compel Others to Do Your Bidding by Claiming They “Make You Feel Threatened”
• Settlement Uber Alles