What are the options when a father is accused of domestic violence when it seems to stem purely from a desire by the mother to have him out of the home?

What options are there when a father is accused of domestic violence, but the charge seems to stem purely from a desire by the mother to have him out of the shared home?

FIRST: it is obvious and indisputable that not every woman who claims to be a domestic violence victim is a liar. There is clearly domestic violence. But in my twenty years of law practice I am of the (surely unpopular, but still my professional and honest) opinion that most (not all, but more than half—yes, more than half) of the protective order filings in the courts are fraudulent, meaning that the claims of domestic violence and “fear of my husband/boyfriend” are false. How could that be?

It is an open secret in the legal profession that a woman accusing a man of spousal and/or child abuse is an incredibly effective way to get an almost insurmountable advantage in a divorce or child custody action.

  1. The man is immediately under suspicion, so the court will be overly cautious, in favor of the woman (no judge wants blood on his hands).
  2. The police either intimidate the man or do nothing to enforce his rights.
  3. The division of child and family services jumps in to “save” the “victim(s)” because it needs to justify its existence and doesn’t want to be blamed for “failing” to protect and so, quelle surprise, they find “support” or “substantiation” for the allegations.
  4. The court may impose a “protective order” or a “restraining order” or order the man into “anger management” or domestic violence counseling, thus feeding the “where there’s smoke there’s fire” beast.
  5. The man’s friends, fellow church members, and associates keep their distance.
  6. He might lose his job. He can’t defend himself.
  7. The playing field all but inexorably titled against him. He can’t win for losing. The system knows this is happening and knows it’s enabling it to happen, yet doesn’t have the heart or the interest to fight it.
  8. The man feels abandoned, betrayed, and he loses heart. He’s easier to break.

So what are the options? I’ve commented on that topic in a previous Quora thread:

My friend is a good man. His wife is crazy. She put a protection order against him, to help manipulate the court proceedings. What should he do?

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