Keep in mind that there is only so much you can do to prevent divorce. If your spouse wants to divorce, no amount of your effort or will power may be enough to stop him/her. With that in mind, I do not mean for my answer to come across as flippant. I am serious. This list is not in any particular order of importance (any of these can kill a marriage):
- Don’t abuse or neglect your spouse and children
- Support your spouse and children financially and emotionally. If, despite your best efforts, you cannot support your spouse and children financially and emotionally, don’t be surprised if your spouse files for divorce.
- Be honest, before marriage, about whether you can have sexual intercourse and whether you desire to have sexual intercourse. I am amazed at the number of women (and a few men) who have no desire to have sex, but don’t bother to inform their fiancees of this before marriage and then refuse to have sex. That’s a marriage killer. No, really, it is. Ladies, with extremely rare exception, if you think that your husband does not expect regular and consistent sexual intercourse during the marriage, you are horribly mistaken.
- Find God and sincerely practice a religion.
- Do not commit adultery.
- Don’t spend a lot of time away from your spouse. If you are in the military or if your job requires you to spend a lot of time away from your spouse, your marriage is vulnerable.
- Do not abuse drugs and/or alcohol.
- Do not engage in crime of any kind.
- Do not hide any mental illness of yours, if you are mentally ill, from your spouse.
- Do not engage in chronic fighting and arguing.
- Get counseling and/or therapy individually and as a couple, if you love each other, but find yourselves in a constant state of conflict. Many couples who love one another have this problem, but they can fix it with professional help. Often times, it’s just a matter of learning your flaws (both individually and as a couple), how to correct them, and then acting to correct them.
- Do not allow your spouse to micromanage you. Do not micromanage your spouse.
- Be cooperative.
- Don’t be co-dependent. Don’t allow your spouse to be co-dependent.
- Do kind things for your spouse regularly and willingly, even when it’s inconvenient for you.
- Be a kind, loving, humble, supportive, brave, decent parent.
- Make your marriage a bigger concern than yourself. Don’t subordinate your basic personal needs to the marriage, but don’t place your self interest above the good of the marriage. Fortunately, when you make your healthy marriage a priority, your own life is better.
Utah Family Law, LC | divorceutah.com | 801-466-9277