What advice do you have for a man who just found out his wife wants to divorce him?
I’m a divorce lawyer, but I would like respond to your question both as a lawyer and as a spouse.
First, if learning your wife wants a divorce comes as a shock, you have my sympathy (and the sympathy of all of us who read your question too, I’m sure).
You’re not weird if discovering your spouse is unhappy and wants out—despite the fact that you are happy with her and the marriage—is a kick in the gut. That’s what happens to most people. It shatters your self-image. You can’t tell which way is up. You question everything.
If this is your experience, hang in there. “”If you’re going through hell, keep going.” (Winston Churchill) I know you can get through this (I know because I’ve seen this happen hundreds of times with all kinds of different people and circumstances). Truth be told, some people recover faster than others, but you can do it.
Time will help heal these wounds and help you get things back into proper perspective. Be patient. Have faith.
Remember that everyone suffers in life. Some lose a spouse to divorce. Some lose a spouse to death. Some suffer a crippling physical or mental illness. People get fired. Go bankrupt. Abuse drugs and alcohol. Don’t forget that divorce really isn’t the worst thing that happens. People just like you (and even worse off than you) experience divorce and still find real meaning and joy in life. That may sound corny, but it’s true.
Second, your true friends (whether they be friends within your own family, your best friend from childhood, your minister, [and yes, even a therapist], you get the idea) will not just be willing to help you, they’ll be honored to help you. Don’t be afraid to confide in them or ask them for a shoulder to cry on.
Utah Family Law, LC | divorceutah.com | 801-466-9277
Tags: bad marriage, failed marriage