What are options for a parent who’s ex works the judicial system with the purpose of making the parent miserable?

What are options for a parent who’s ex works the judicial system with the purpose of making the parent miserable? Said parent is losing time with her child because her ex is “friends” with the judge who rules in favor of the ex and his demands.

If it’s as bad as you imply (and you who have been through it “bad” know what I mean), you don’t have any viable options, frankly. You’re beaten (if you want to know what you do next, just skip to the end). When the system that can provide you relief is corrupt and turned against you, the system is no help to you.

What do I mean?

  • Racist court personnel, and you’re the wrong color.
  • Man (or woman, but usually man)-hating court personnel, and you’re the man.
  • Prejudice against poor or uneducated parents, and your poor and/or uneducated.
  • Your spouse and/or his/her family are friends with corrupt cops, so the cops are always harassing you and/or falsely citing and arresting and charging you.
  • Your spouse has a corrupt doctor, psychologist, social worker, and/or guardian ad litem in his/her pocket, so your spouse can falsely accuse you of neglect and abuse that gets “substantiated” by these people. Then the court believes the lies because they came from the “professionals” and/or from the “state employees,” as if professionals and state employees are incapable of being corrupt.
  • Or the judge simply has it in for you, but it is wily enough to contrive plausible deniability.

When you’re up against this, at best it’s virtually impossible to win. Sometimes you simply cannot win. It’s a matter of “who polices the police”? And the answer is: no one. The system can be set up to ensure you lose. And it happens sometimes. I hate to admit it, but I’d be lying if didn’t.

Now because you never want to wonder “what might have been,” congratulations: you get to exhaust your money, your time, your health, your friends and family and reputation before you can conclude that you are in a no-win situation.

And when you conclude you cannot win, you’d be a fool (or worse) to keep trying to get a system arrayed against you.

Instead, you take the painful decision to “let it go”—not because you’re bad, not because you’re weak, not because you’re a loser (no!; you know you you’re innocent, you know you gave it all you had). You let go because it’s all you can do. You have to let go. You have to move on and find other ways to find some happiness and meaning in your life (and as much as we want to deny it’s possible, we know it is because we’ve seen others suffer worse than we have and still find joy and purpose).


If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:
If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;
If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools:
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!

Utah Family Law, LC | | 801-466-9277

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