Is it common in a marriage for me to be cleaning up after my husband?

Many men who, if their mothers were homemakers, understandably believe that one of a wife’s duties is housekeeping and cleaning up after her family members.

Fewer women are homemakers now, but men my age often had mothers who did the housekeeping, housecleaning, and laundry, and so it’s not absurd for such a man to believe “that’s just what wives do,” just as it’s not uncommon for many women who, after they marry, believe that the husband earning all the money is “just what husbands do.”

If the family you and your husband have formed is different, because you may both work or because you are the primary earner and your husband spends more time in the home, then you have various options (some clearly better than others):

  1. suck it up and wait on your husband hand and foot, as he is accustomed and as he believes he is entitled;
  2. complain incessantly about how unfair your husband is treating you by being a slob in the hope he will change;
  3. discuss with your husband the fact that you did not marry him to become his domestic servant and that because of the dynamics of the family, you will both have to share in the housekeeping;
  4. divorce him, if his slobbery outweighs his other merits as a husband;
  5. hire a housekeeper.

Utah Family Law, LC | | 801-466-9277

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