How do I avoid a boring married life?

First, boredom is a part of life, married or not. Don’t worry too much about a little boredom now and then, and don’t waste too much effort on “boredom avoidance.” It’ll come for you on occasion regardless of what you do. With the exception chronic boredom, this too shall pass.

Second, avoiding a boring married life requires effort when boredom starts to rear its ugly head. As others have stated, one of the things many modern married couples fail to grasp is that marriage requires your commitment to its success. We cannot sit back and expect simply saying “I do” is where that commitment both begins and ends.

It’s very easy to become complacent and to take a spouse for granted. Familiarity, as they say, breeds contempt. One thing (among many) that has helped me value and care for my marriage and family is recognize how much my wife has blessed my life, how much her love, care, and influence has made me a better person.

Boredom usually arises when 1) external stimuli are either insufficient to engage our attention/motivate us or just not of interest to us or 2) we know (or think we know) what we want and can’t have it at that moment or 3) we don’t know (or think we don’t know) what we want at the moment, so we do nothing or 4) we take our good fortune for granted and feel (incorrectly) entitled to even more.

When external stimuli are lacking, seek them out. If what used to interest you has become routine or no longer fulfilling, that’s not a failing on your or your spouse’s part. Try something new. Variety is the spice of life.

When you don’t have what you want, rather than sitting around and feeling disappointed or aimless, take that quiet, un-distracted moment study the problem. See if it’s as bad as you first thought. It usually isn’t. The solution may be easy to see (and often the solution is realizing that this momentary boredom will pass soon enough. See if what you think you’re lacking is really lacking. Maybe it’s just hidden or needs to be nursed back to health. If not, think on the steps you might take to achieve what you want, then take the first step, and with anticipation.

Finally, your boredom cure may lie in repenting and being grateful. There are billions of people who don’t get bored because their lives are too demanding and brutal to allow it. In those slow and unhurried moments count your blessings. Consider that what you call “boredom” may be a time to rest and take stock.

Utah Family Law, LC | | 801-466-9277

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