Should We Keep Our Divorce Struggles a Secret from the Kids?
If a couple conceals their arguments from their children and divorce ‘amicably,’ does that send a message to the children that bad things can happen without any particular reason, even when everything seemed fine?
Yes, to an extent, but only to a certain extent. Keeping the trouble all hidden and bottled up inside until the powder keg blows is a recipe for disaster. divorce turns a child’s world upside down in the best of circumstances. The last thing a child needs is to be ambushed.
But do give these parents credit where credit is due. If they’re trying to shield their young, vulnerable children from serious marital discord, that’s admirable. Now it’s not good to be overprotective of children or mislead or deceive them, but sheltering children from more adversity than they may be prepared to handle? That makes all the sense in the world. how much or how little to disclose to the children is as much art as it is science. Each family and what the children can handle is different. parents are doing the best they can when they try to protect their children from their marital problems. The decent and reasonable thing to do is cut them some slack when they are trying to be decent and reasonable themselves.
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