Judge says stay away from my paramour. Can judge do that?
I became pregnant by my paramour after my husband and I separated. The court order states we are not to have paramours around our child. Will the judge take custody from me if I have my paramour around due to the situation?
I assume that your question is based upon a situation in which:
- you and your husband have a child together (we’ll call that child “Child A”).
- you and your husband are separated.
- there is a divorce case pending, and the court has ordered that your paramour can not be around Child A (which is not an unusual order for courts to make, by the way).
- at some point, whether before or after separation, you were impregnated by your paramour.
Now that you are pregnant by your paramour, it appears that both you and your paramour wants to be together to support one another during your pregnancy and be a witness to the miracle of birth as it unfolds. That’s understandable.
But there’s this court order that prohibits you from being with your paramour when you are with Child A. And you appear to want your paramour with you when you are with Child A. And you wonder whether the court would take custody of Child A from you if you violate the court’s order.
Your questions are essentially: is the court’s order fair? And will I lose custody if I disobey the court’s order?
The answers to your question (and for anyone in your situation) are:
Yes, the court’s order is fair. Reasonable minds can differ as to whether it is necessary that you be ordered to bar your paramour from being with you when Child A is also with you, but if a court concludes that having the paramour around might confuse the child as to who the child’s parent is and that exposing a child to adulterous relationships and/or that shacking up is morally and pragmatically unwise is well within a judge’s rational and sound discretion.
Yes, a court could base, in whole or in part, a decision to award custody of Child A to your husband upon the fact that you are disobeying its order barring you from being with your paramour when you are with Child A. Why? Because violating court orders shows that you cannot be trusted, that you place your interests ahead of law and order and/or ahead of what the court deems best for your child. Solution: don’t have your paramour around when you are scheduled to spend time with Child A. Is this hard? Perhaps. Is it worth it to ensure you don’t lose custody or parental rights? Of course.
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