This blog post is in response to this question:
I don’t think it’s bad to get a divorce. I think it’s more unhealthy to have miserable lives. — Ginger Wynn. What are your thoughts on this statement?
This statement tries to express a valid point, but it does so in a logically confused way.
The statement “I don’t think it’s bad to get a divorce. I think it’s more unhealthy to have miserable lives” falsely presumes that divorce will cure or prevent what makes a dysfunctional (or worse) marriage dysfunctional.
Sometimes a marriage is so toxic and harmful as to require termination. In such cases divorce is not only justified, but necessary.
Sometimes the trouble one or both spouses is suffering in a marriage can be remedied by divorce.
Sometimes the trouble a marriage is causing one or both spouses can be remedied by divorce.
But not always.
Sometimes the solution is “mend it, don’t end it”; more often than you’d think the cure for dysfunction and discord in a marriage is staying married and working on improving the marriage, not destroying it.
Far too often I see people divorce in the false belief that their spouses/their marriages are making them miserable only to learn, after the damage is done, that their spouses/their marriages are not the cause(s) of their troubles. They realize that divorcing only compounds their suffering. They consequently become even more miserable.
So here is what I submit is a more accurate statement: It is not bad to get a divorce when you truly have no better alternative.
Don’t divorce unless divorce you need to. Know that “mend it, don’t end it” is not the answer before you seek a divorce.
Utah Family Law, LC | divorceutah.com | 801-466-9277