Does it take time to move on after a midlife divorce?

For most people, generally yes. However one may define “move on,” the longer one is married (especially when the couple has lived together for the duration of the marriage and has had children), a divorce is a major upheaval in one’s life. Divorce after a long marriage brings with it changes in your life you may have expected, but many changes that you did not. With extraordinarily rare exception, there are adjustments to be made, it takes time to process its occurrence and effects. Some people are surprised to find out how hard it is to confront and adjust to divorce. 

A long but miserable marriage is one to which most people make many and many shocking subconscious accommodations. Like an addict, they suffer “withdrawal symptoms” as they detoxify, going through periods of doubt, regret, loss, grief, etc., even when they know in their heads that the divorce is the part of the “treatment,” some of the “medicine” they need to be healthy and whole again. 

Many people who divorce after a long marriage may be shocked to learn that their spouses and/or marriages were not the source or an aggravating factor regarding the malaise, dissatisfaction, or depression they are experiencing. It’s gut wrenchingly tragic when people divorce in the false/mistaken belief that divorce is the cure when their loving, supportive spouses were one of the best, if not the best, things they had going them. Fortunately, even those who foolishly, needlessly divorce can recover. Some people are fortunate enough to remarry their ex-spouse. Regardless, we all make mistakes in this life. Some big, some minor. But most are not wholly irreparable, thank goodness. Divorce need not be an exception. 

Utah Family Law, LC | | 801-466-9277  

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