In my experience as a divorce and family lawyer, and one who has gone through crises of his own, I can tell you what some of the problems are, and how I think they are overcome.
The problem. Fearing that the worst you can imagine is inevitable.
A solution. Get a clearer perspective from people who have been through it before you and who have lived to tell the tale.
You will find that they also felt the same way you’re feeling but, but came safely (though not without struggling along the way) out the other side.
They can show you and tell you that their perceptions were mistaken, and so are yours.
It wasn’t as bad as they feared. They didn’t suffer as much as they feared (neither will you). Their world wasn’t left in utter ruin.
You aren’t alone in this experience. You won’t believe some people’s stories (“their situation isn’t anything like mine”), but you will believe others; and they and their stories are the ones that help pull you through.
The problem. Having to realize that the way you have:
- thought the world works; and
- defined your purpose and your value was a bit shallow and naive.
A solution. Learn for yourself where your real value lies. It’s not in what you envisioned for yourself, but in how Our Heavenly Father sees you. As his child. He loves you more than anyone else can. Matthew 10:29-31: “29. Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care. 30. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. 31. So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.”
Our heavenly Father has a plan for each of our lives. There is a reason for everything that happens, even the heart-breaking and gut-wrenching things. Doctrine and covenants section 122 verses 7 and 8: “7. [I]f the very jaws of hell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good. 8. The Son of Man hath descended below them all. Art thou greater than he?”
This life is a test and a time to learn, and to learn where real joy and lasting happiness is found. Open your heart and your mind to what it is that you can learn and what blessings there are to be found in this or stemming from this.
Ask God to show you the answers. Ask him to guide you when you wonder which way to go.
Another solution. Turn outward instead of inward. Bit by bit. Helping someone else at a difficult time has a way of helping us through our own difficult times. In ways we can’t anticipate or imagine. Helping others to solve a problem can help us find solutions to our own problems that have otherwise eluded us.
Another–related–solution. Put the hardship and heartbreak you have suffered to good use by sharing it with others and easing their pain by helping them avoid or at least better cope with what you’ve gone through yourself. Start a blog. Join a support group. Don’t wallow in self-pity. Share is honest and helpful, not just venting.
Utah Family Law, LC | divorceutah.com | 801-466-9277
Eric Johnson’s answer to How do you fight depression while going through a divorce and custody battle with a narcissist? – Quora