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What Good Parents Need to Know About Child Custody Disputes with an Evil Parent

You hear and read on attorney websites stuff like, “Navigating child custody arrangements during divorce can be challenging.” That’s not the half of it. Child custody disputes with an evil parent are nastier and harder (and orders of magnitude more expensive) than most parents expect or can even imagine. I’m not exaggerating. I am really not exaggerating. Really, I am not exaggerating. Here are some crucial tips to consider for a smoother process.

  • If there is no valid child custody order issued by a court, the police cannot help you “enforce” your “child custody rights”. This is because you have no right to control what the other parent does with the children when it comes to exercising custody. The other parent can deny your requests to spend time with the children. He/she can even deny your requests to call the children on the phone or chat with them over video.

 

o   Even if there is a court order that clearly identifies the child custody and parent-time orders, it’s only as good as the will of the courts and the police to enforce it. Many police departments will either outright refuse to assist you in enforcing the order or will act as if “I can’t understand what the order means, so I can’t help you.”

  • Defend your reputation, your good name, and your parental fitness with everything you have.

o   Courts are afraid of making a mistake when they issue child custody and parent-time orders. Evil parents exploit this fear by accusing innocent, loving parents of terrible traits and acts, so that the court will “protect” the children from them by awarding custody to the other parent and/or restricting parent-time. Mere accusations—if they’re scary enough and skillfully spun—can be enough to force a court’s hand.

o   What kinds of accusations? Abuse! Abuse! Abuse! Physical abuse, sexual abuse, emotional abuse, and substance abuse are the most “successful”.

o   If you are accused wrongfully, defend yourself with everything you have. Point out the dearth of support for the allegations. If you can, get overwhelming amounts of proof in your favor. Live as perfect life as you possibly can. Be as perfect a parent as you can. Sure, it’s unfair unrealistic, but don’t expect the court to be sympathetic with you (especially if you’re a father). Don’t give the court any way to take the path of least resistance, to act “out of an abundance of caution,” or to indulge “better safe than sorry” thinking.

  • Document everything pertaining to the child custody and parent-time awards. Gather as much proof as you possibly can in support of your parental fitness, of your efforts to be there for your children, to spend time with them, to take care of them (feed them, bathe and clothe them, help with homework, play with them, exemplify good morals and values, etc.), so that the court cannot deny your requests without looking biased, ignorant, and/or incompetent.

o   Know what factors the court must consider when making the child custody and parent-time awards, then ensure you satisfy every single one of them beautifully (and if you cannot satisfy them all, explain why, and why that should not disqualify you from being awarded as much custody and parent-time as is in the best interest of the children

  • Here are the factors considered in Utah:
  • In a nutshell: the child’s needs and the parent’s ability to meet them
  • In total:

Utah Code § 30-3-10

–          evidence of domestic violence, neglect, physical abuse, sexual abuse, or emotional abuse, involving the child, the parent, or a household member of the parent;

–          the parent’s demonstrated understanding of, responsiveness to, and ability to meet the developmental needs of the child, including the child’s:

–          physical needs;

–          emotional needs;

–          educational needs;

–          medical needs; and

–          any special needs;

–          the parent’s capacity and willingness to function as a parent, including:

–          parenting skills;

–          co-parenting skills, including:

(A) ability to appropriately communicate with the other parent;

(B) ability to encourage the sharing of love and affection; and

(C) willingness to allow frequent and continuous contact between the child and the other parent, except that, if the court determines that the parent is acting to protect the child from domestic violence, neglect, or abuse, the parent’s protective actions may be taken into consideration; and

–          ability to provide personal care rather than surrogate care;

–          in accordance with Subsection (10), the past conduct and demonstrated moral character of the parent;

–          the emotional stability of the parent;

–          the parent’s inability to function as a parent because of drug abuse, excessive drinking, or other causes;

–          whether the parent has intentionally exposed the child to pornography or material harmful to minors, as “material” and “harmful to minors” are defined in Section 76-10-1201;

–          the parent’s reasons for having relinquished custody or parent-time in the past;

–          duration and depth of desire for custody or parent-time;

–          the parent’s religious compatibility with the child;

–          the parent’s financial responsibility;

–          the child’s interaction and relationship with step-parents, extended family members of other individuals who may significantly affect the child’s best interests;

–          who has been the primary caretaker of the child;

–          previous parenting arrangements in which the child has been happy and well-adjusted in the home, school, and community;

–          the relative benefit of keeping siblings together;

–          the stated wishes and concerns of the child, taking into consideration the child’s cognitive ability and emotional maturity;

–          the relative strength of the child’s bond with the parent, meaning the depth, quality, and nature of the relationship between the parent and the child; and

–          any other factor the court finds relevant.

Utah Code § 30-3-10.2 (when seeking a joint custody award, and “joint custody” does not necessarily mean “equal time”; in Utah means that a parent exercises no less than 111 overnights with the children annually)

–          whether the physical, psychological, and emotional needs and development of the child will benefit from joint legal custody or joint physical custody or both;

–          the ability of the parents to give first priority to the welfare of the child and reach shared decisions in the child’s best interest;

–          co-parenting skills, including:

–          ability to appropriately communicate with the other parent;

–          ability to encourage the sharing of love and affection; and

–          willingness to allow frequent and continuous contact between the child and the other parent, except that, if the court determines that the parent is acting to protect the child from domestic violence, neglect, or abuse, the parent’s protective actions may be taken into consideration; and

–          whether both parents participated in raising the child before the divorce;

–          the geographical proximity of the homes of the parents;

–          the preference of the child if the child is of sufficient age and capacity to reason so as to form an intelligent preference as to joint legal custody or joint physical custody or both;

–          the maturity of the parents and their willingness and ability to protect the child from conflict that may arise between the parents;

–          the past and present ability of the parents to cooperate with each other and make decisions jointly; and

–          any other factor the court finds relevant.

 

Utah Code Section 30-3-34 (this is for determining parent-time, but the factors are equally relevant to the child custody award)

–          whether parent-time would endanger the child’s physical health or mental health, or significantly impair the child’s emotional development;

–          evidence of domestic violence, neglect, physical abuse, sexual abuse, or emotional abuse, involving the child, a parent, or a household member of the parent;

–          the distance between the residency of the child and the noncustodial parent;

–          a credible allegation of child abuse has been made;

–          the lack of demonstrated parenting skills without safeguards to ensure the child’s well-being during parent-time;

–          the financial inability of the noncustodial parent to provide adequate food and shelter for the child during periods of parent-time;

–          the preference of the child if the court determines the child is of sufficient maturity;

–          the incarceration of the noncustodial parent in a county jail, secure youth corrections facility, or an adult corrections facility;

–          shared interests between the child and the noncustodial parent;

–          the involvement or lack of involvement of the noncustodial parent in the school, community, religious, or other related activities of the child;

–          the availability of the noncustodial parent to care for the child when the custodial parent is unavailable to do so because of work or other circumstances;

–          a substantial and chronic pattern of missing, canceling, or denying regularly scheduled parent-time;

–          the minimal duration of and lack of significant bonding in the parents’ relationship before the conception of the child;

–          the parent-time schedule of siblings;

–          the lack of reasonable alternatives to the needs of a nursing child; and

–          any other criteria the court determines relevant to the best interests of the child.

Utah Code Section 30-3-35.2 (when seeking an award of equal physical custody)

–          A court may order the equal parent-time schedule described in this section if the court determines that:

–          the equal parent-time schedule is in the child’s best interest;

–          each parent has been actively involved in the child’s life; and

–          each parent can effectively facilitate the equal parent-time schedule.

–          To determine whether each parent has been actively involved in the child’s life, the court shall consider:

–          each parent’s demonstrated responsibility in caring for the child;

–          each parent’s involvement in child care;

–          each parent’s presence or volunteer efforts in the child’s school and at extracurricular activities;

–          each parent’s assistance with the child’s homework;

–          each parent’s involvement in preparation of meals, bath time, and bedtime for the child;

–          each parent’s bond with the child; and

–          any other factor the court considers relevant.

–          To determine whether each parent can effectively facilitate the equal parent-time schedule, the court shall consider:

–          the geographic distance between the residence of each parent and the distance between each residence and the child’s school;

–          each parent’s ability to assist with the child’s after school care;

–          the health of the child and each parent, consistent with Subsection 30-3-10(6);

–          the flexibility of each parent’s employment or other schedule;

–          each parent’s ability to provide appropriate playtime with the child;

–          each parent’s history and ability to implement a flexible schedule for the child;

–          physical facilities of each parent’s residence; and

–          any other factor the court considers relevant.

o   Be a class act at all times in your dealings with the other parent, no matter how much mud is slung and no matter how uncooperative antagonistic the other parent is. All the goodwill you’ve built up over a lifetime can be discounted and dismissed in an instant with just one angry outburst (no matter how much the other parent had it coming)

o   You do not build yourself up as a parent by tearing or trying to tear the other parent down. Be as honestly complimentary of the other parent as you can. No, don’t deny serious defects and faults, but unless the other parent is truly a monster, don’t try to paint the other parent as one—it’s not only evil, but it can backfire.

Utah Family Law, LC | divorceutah.com | 801-466-9277

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