Why would a co-parent suggest using a parenting app

I will start out my answer by acknowledging that reasonable minds can differ on the merits of a “parenting app,” also known as a “co-parenting app”.

I will continue my answer by stating that while I can see some exceptional circumstances where a parenting app might be just the ticket, for most people, using a parenting app is an implicit admission of various forms and degrees of parental and personal dysfunction.

Before we go any further, we first need to know what the definition of what a “parenting app” is. According to the makers of parenting apps (i.e., those who would tell a 79-year-old spinster she needs one, if they thought she’d pay for one), they are defined as follows:* (From $8/month)

*Their website is a great resource for divorced or separated parents, by the way.

“The best co-parenting apps (also called custody apps) offer shared calendars, printable messaging, customizable court documents and other tools. They help co-parents collaborate calmly and can keep lawyers or other professionals in the loop automatically.

“Why co-parenting apps are important

“Co-parenting apps store and organize large amounts of information, making custody less complicated for you.

“A parenting app gives you a permanent digital account of all things custody-related, allowing you to:

Ÿ Keep child custody information in one place’

Ÿ Make changes without starting from scratch

Ÿ Collaborate with the other parent rather than return to court.” ($10 – $25/month)

Co-parenting apps help parents with joint custody communicate better when it comes to raising their children.

Co-parenting apps make it possible to share parenting responsibilities and information in a secure, neutral environment. Many family courts and professionals recommend co-parenting communication apps or services for families to mediate their conversations and create accountability for parents with joint custody. While there are many tools available for separated and divorced parents, it’s important to understand the true value of co-parenting apps, specifically. ($170/year)

Co-parenting apps can’t magically make your relationship and interactions with the other parent perfect and conflict-free, but they can help streamline communication, help you keep track of paperwork and make it a little easier to deal with a tenuous situation. Below we’ve covered just a few of the main benefits you can get from using a co-parenting app.* ($144/year)

Parents, children, grandparents, and other family members can all use OurFamilyWizard as their central platform to connect and share their most important family information within one a secure space.

* I’m a little surprised by how uninformative’s “elevator pitch” definition is, given that they are one of the most popular “parenting apps”

But based on what the co-parenting app makers say, what’s not to like about co-parenting apps, right?

Well, right.

There’s nothing wrong with improving communication and reducing conflict with your co-parent. Nothing at all.

The problem lies in believing that an app can make the difference.

As they used to say in the early days of computer programming (back when it was called computer programming), “Garbage in, garbage out.” Even the best designed, best produced tool is only as good has the people who use it. A hammer won’t make a skilled carpenter out of a smash and grab thief. The best fitness app can’t run those miles and lift those weights for you. A co-parenting app can’t transform a vindictive, difficult co-parent into a trustworthy and cooperative “partner” or “teammate.”

Co-parenting app developers aren’t selling a solution (they can’t), they’re selling dreams. If they can get you to believe that using their app will make it easier for you to deal with a fiend, will tame a vicious beast, or will neutralize a sadist, of course you’re going to buy it.

Otherwise stated, bad co-parents aren’t bad for lack of an app.

There are rare circumstances where a co-parenting app maybe useful for a co-parent who isn’t evil, but just inept. For those kinds of parents, if they’re willing to use or will remember to use the co-parenting app, co-parenting apps can be a useful way to help parents communicate better, coordinate and schedule child custody and parent time exchanges and activities better and keep track of expenses and reimbursements. But those kinds of parents don’t need a dedicated parenting app, they just need to be more on the ball. Even the best app is useless if a parent can’t remember to use it or bother to learn to use it correctly.

So, in answer to the question, “Why would a co-parent suggest using a parenting app?,” The answer is one of the following possibilities (in the following order of most to least common):

  • the bad co-parent is making the other parent’s and/or the children’s life/lives miserable, and the hapless co-parent is desperately seeking a savior;

  • the parent who is proposing use of a co-parenting app is the bad co-parent and sees in the co-parenting app a potential new weapon to exploit against you;

  • you’re an out to lunch parent whose heart is in the right place, but whose head is empty, and the Co parent is hoping this app might help compensate for your weaknesses in communication and scheduling.

For normal people, they can do what co-parenting apps can do without having to incur the costs of and learn how to use yet another app. To wit:

  • We already have numerous ways to communicate; phone, video chat, e-mail, text messaging. In fairness, some co-parenting apps have what are known as “tone meters” that will take your first draft of a message you’ve written for a co-parent and point out where your message might be needlessly hostile or prone to misinterpretation and then suggest revisions to correct these errors. But this technology already exists in many e-mail and text messaging apps, without having to pay an additional fee for them. Besides, if you need a machine to tell you the difference between a courteous and a rude tone, you probably don’t care (and cannot be made to care) about being courteous in the first place.

  • Need to coordinate child healthcare appointments and athletic events and school plays and family Christmas parties? Create a shared Google Calendar. It’s free.

  • Need to document child health care, educational, athletic, club and other expenses that the other parent needs to reimburse you a portion of? Snap a picture of the bill and the receipt with your smartphone then e-mail or text message those documents to the other parent along with the request for reimbursement. Need to be reimbursed? Need to pay a reimbursement? Get a Venmo account. It’s free.

Utah Family Law, LC | | 801-466-9277

Eric Johnson’s answer to What are some reasons why a parent will suggest speaking on a parenting app in a joint custody order? – Quora

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