What Could Be the Reasons for Someone to Return to an Abusive Partner After Filing for Divorce and Leaving Them Once Before? Why Would They Also Leave Their Children Behind?

Good reasons? Or any and all reasons?

In no particular order:

  • The abuse is not bad enough (or perceived as not bad enough) to justify terminating the relationship. Otherwise stated, the detriments of terminating the relationship outweigh the loss of the benefits of the relationship.
    • Fear of being unable to provide for the physical needs of the children if one has to be the sole breadwinner
      • This is why some abuse victims “abandon” their children when they leave/escape an abusive relationship—because they know or believe they can’t take care of the kids by themselves. Sometimes they truly abandon the kids, meaning that they take an “every man for himself” approach. Sometimes, however, it’s more pragmatic; “He/she only abuses me, not the kids, so I’m leaving my abuser. The kids will be better off with him/her because they aren’t abused and my abuser is actually a good/acceptable parent and can provide the necessities of life for them better than I can.”
  • He/she claims to be abused to seek attention when in fact he/she is not abused.
  • The “He/she is abusive, I know that, but I can’t do any better than him/her” belief.
  • He/she who is abused does not believe (or claims not to believe) he/she is abused.
  • Another reason: religious beliefs, moral beliefs, and/or social norms that it is wrong to terminate a marriage or a relationship that has resulted in children being born to the couple.
  • Threats made by the abuser that “If you try to leave me, I’ll hurt you and/or the kids.”
  • Mentally or emotionally unable to understand that one is not obligated to suffer abuse in a relationship.
  • Too weak and/or stupid to know or do any better.

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