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What Do We Do When Equal (50/50) Physical Custody Is Awarded but One Parent Isn’t Bearing the Responsibilities Equal Custody Requires of That Parent?

Recently a Quora.com reader commented on my answer to this question: Is there a primary parent in joint custody in Utah which is also known as “equal” or “50/50” custody?

They were good comments that reflect the frustrations of many parents in equal custody situations. To summarize them:

  • Equal physical custody should not be awarded unless each parent exercises equal parental responsibility
    • Or at the very least, if one equal custodial parent does more of the work of caring for the children during his/her time when the children are in his/her care, award that parent some (or more) child support for his/her trouble.
  • Equal custody should not be awarded or exercised if an equal custodial parent who is ordered to pay child support does not pay it.

It is absolutely and indisputably correct that for a parent to merit an award to him or her of equal physical child custody that parent must bear parental responsibility equally as well.

The question, then, is: what is equal parental responsibility?

While bearing parental responsibility equally could mean that the parents perform each and every parental task equally and in equal amounts (“if I take the child to the doctor this time, you have to take the child to the doctor the next time”), it does not necessarily require it. Pulling equal weight doesn’t mean pulling the same particular weight at the same particular time. If one parent is happier helping with homework than with athletics or club activities, then it may not be a bad idea for that parent to help with most of the homework and for the other parent to take care of getting the kids to and from soccer practices and games. You get the idea.

You mentioned that your ex-husband can pay but chooses not to pay the $40 he is court-ordered to pay each month for homeschooling costs. That’s inexcusable, if you were awarded sole custody, that wouldn’t magically cause Dad to pay you $40 every month either. So not paying money isn’t a reason not to award equal custody. THAT STATED, I know that some parents who were awarded equal custody want all the benefits of equal custody without meeting any of the associated responsibilities. The only way to keep some (some, not all) of these types honest is to hit them in the pocketbook.

We all know that if spending time with the children were conditioned on paying child support in full and on time (when able, of course), we’d see a lot more child support being paid. Not always, but a lot more. We also all know that if receiving child support were conditioned on ensuring that you showed up for every custody and parent-time exchange on time (when able, of course), we’d see a lot more child support being paid as well.

Unfortunately*, Utah’s law is “If a parent fails to comply with a provision of the parenting plan [i.e., the physical custody and parent-time awards] or a child support order, the other parent’s obligations under the parenting plan or the child support order are not affected.” (Utah Code § 30–3–10.9(9)) and “A parent may not withhold parent-time or child support due to the other parent’s failure to comply with a court-ordered parent-time schedule.” (Utah Code § 30–3–33(9))

You also referred to the situation in which Dad never attends health care appointments. This is a hard question to analyze, but here’s my reasoning:

  • If Dad can take the kids to these appointments without placing his job in jeopardy, he should. That way, neither parent is burdened too much with appointments and each parent stays apprised of their children’s health and health care.
  • But if Dad works a 9 to 5 job, and if the appointments take place during the 9 to 5 work day and you’re a stay-at-home parent who homeschools the kids, doesn’t it make more sense for you to take the kids to these appointments? Why make Dad do it just to make him do it? Why make Dad do it when you can do it easier and without placing Dad’s job in jeopardy?
  • On the other hand, if Dad could bear the health care appointments burdens with you equally, but refuses to do so, resulting in you spending all the time and making all the effort required to take care of this important custodial responsibility, that may justify awarding you sole physical custody of the children.

Utah Family Law, LC | divorceutah.com | 801-466-9277

https://utahdivorceandfamilylaw.quora.com/Is-there-a-primary-parent-in-joint-custody-in-Utah-which-is-also-known-as-equal-or-50-50-custody-Utah-like-many-s?__nsrc__=4&__snid3__=70639966822&comment_id=98421161&comment_type=3


*Again, and in fairness (and while I don’t have any data to support this), I’d bet that conditioning custody and parent-time on paying child support and conditioning the payment of child support on the child support recipient complying with custody and parent-time exchanges causes more problems than it solves. Maybe it doesn’t. If there is no data, I think it’s worth experimenting with to find out.

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