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What Would I Have Done Differently If I Were In My Parents’ Shoes? By Braxton Mounteer, Legal Assistant

Like many people, I am a child of divorce. While I may not understand every reason why my parents chose to end their marriage (I was too young to understand at the time), I can look back on how I was raised, both pre- and post-divorce, and see what worked and what only caused problems. Hindsight is 20/20, after all.

I know that I cannot go back in time to do things differently, but if my experience might help divorcing parents who are contemplating these issues and help them avoid the difficulties and disappointments I encountered, this post will be among my best.

One of the things that affected me the most was how my divorced parents handled the matter of my clothes. Having two sets of similarly styled clothes might not have mattered to some people, but it always felt like a continental divide to me. I am the same person at both homes, but no matter what I did, I was never comfortable in either set of clothes. They always felt like I was borrowing clothing from a twin that I had just missed in passing.

My parents lived close enough that during major holidays, we did mid-day drop offs. On paper, this meant that I got two Christmases (and other holidays) on the same day. In reality, I was always late to the party. Always too early or too late to enjoy the holiday.

I love both my parents, but two Christmases gets old very quickly. I was surprised to find that as a child I had a limited amount of avarice during that particular holiday. Both parents want child-like wonder, and it always felt forced to drum up that much emotion for each holiday.

What I would have done differently (and what I did do when I was older) is use a suitcase. I combined both sets of clothing and made one set that I used all the time. It wasn’t the best solution to the problem, but it did help. To fix the holiday problem, I would adjust the schedule so that the holiday wouldn’t have been so taxing for my siblings and me.

Ultimately, the worst issues of my parents divorce are not something that I could have fixed as a child. For those issues I wish my parents would have come to me and my siblings together (parents together talking with their children together), to learn what our needs were and how they could meet them as best they could under the circumstances.

Utah Family Law, LC | divorceutah.com | 801-466-9277

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