BLANK

Category: Utah

Holding Marital Property Hostage During a Divorce Just Makes You Look Petty By Braxton Mounteer, Legal Assistant

You may have the idea that you can leverage his or her favorite or most valued things to get a more favorable outcome in your divorce. Holding property that rightfully belongs to the other party (like her jewelry or his tools) makes you look bad any way that you spin it. You may see the situation as a delicate hostage negotiation in order to get what you believe that you deserve, but in reality, if you behave this way, it reveals you as the petty and vengeful spouse you are.
During your divorce, you will be required to divide the marital property between your spouse and yourself and it cannot be avoided. Property division is a major and often, though not always, contentious issue between divorcing parties, getting only more complex the longer the marriage has lasted and the more affluent parties are the. Purposely delaying the division of marital property only makes you look bad and drags out your already expensive divorce.
Every time that you do something just to “get a jab in” on your former spouse, you only look petty and childish. You and your spouse end up making more work (and more profit) for your attorneys and slow the irritating, painful, and angst-inducing process of divorce down.
Be as equitable as possible. Do you really need that specific item of personal property, or are you just trying to be spiteful? If you cannot agree on who should get an item of significant value, or there are not enough items of or there are not enough items (such as a house or a car), or if there are not enough items of property to divide value equally, then sell the item(s) and split the profit.
Take a cool headed and business like approach to the division of property.
Utah Family Law, LC | divorceutah.com | 801-466-9277
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Your Divorce Lawyer is Serious About Deadlines By Braxton Mounteer, Legal Assistant

Throughout the divorce process you will have to meet many deadlines.

The court will even provide you with a list of due dates known as a notice of event due dates. If your lawyer does not provide you with a copy, ask for a copy, so that you know the deadlines for yourself.

The consequences for failing to meet the deadlines set by the court and the rules of court in your case can be damaging, even fatal to your case.

When a petition for divorce is filed and served, there is a deadline by which you must file and serve responsive pleadings, meaning your answer or answer and counterclaim. If you don’t respond by the set deadline, default judgment could be entered against you.

If you do not complete discovery or provide your initial disclosures by the deadlines, you may be barred from gathering or presenting evidence or witnesses at trial.

What about extensions of time? You might get an extension on a deadline if you have a legitimate reason to ask for one and if the opposing party agrees to grant you an extension or the court grants your request for an extension. Be careful when asking for extensions, however. If you get an extension on one deadline, the opposing party will almost surely expect a favor from you too in the future.

You are better off (and better for it) by religiously adhering to deadlines. Complying with the deadlines set by the court and the rules of court results in the fewest errors and setbacks and in the fairest and most equitable treatment from the court. And that results in your greatest changes of success.

Utah Family Law, LC | divorceutah.com | 801-466-9277

Tags: , , , , , ,

What Should I Do if My Divorce Is Not Getting Solved Quickly?

This is a great question.

Go find a good (a good, not just any) retired divorce attorney (a divorce attorney, not some other kind of attorney who has no idea how a divorce case works), or, if you are fortunate to know a good (a good) divorce attorney as a personal friend (whether active or retired), go to that divorce attorney friend and recount for this attorney how long your case has been pending from the day it was filed to the present.

In your consultation answer—honestly and forthrightly and with as few adjective and adverbs as possible the questions the attorney you’re consulting with asks you; just the facts (if you are responsible—either in whole or in part—for delays, be honest about that too). The consulting attorney will ask you these questions to help him/her determine both 1) whether your attorney, the opposing party’s attorney, and the court is unreasonably or outright maliciously delaying the resolution of your case; and 2) what options you may have for getting your case moving and progressing expeditiously.

If the attorney you consulted tells you that your case is not progressing at an unduly slow pace, then consider yourself fortunate (even if you’re surprised to learn your case isn’t moving as slowly as you might have expected). Ask the consulting attorney what he/she sees in the handling of your case to this point that you and your attorney can and should do going forward to ensure the case does not lose momentum.

If the attorney you consulted tells you that your case is moving sluggishly, ask the consulting attorney 1) what the problems are; 2) why they are problems and 3) what to do to solve them. Take notes! Ensure that you cover all three subjects with the consulting attorney, so that you can 1) truly identify and understand the problems, 2) confront your attorney with them, 3) what can be done, and 4) why you expect it to be done going forward, if your attorney wants to continue representing you and being paid well to do it. When you do confront your attorney, don’t be a jerk about it. Don’t be a boob, but don’t be a jerk, either. Be businesslike and discuss the matter in a manner most likely to expose the problems, identify the solutions, and start implementing them.

Utah Family Law, LC | divorceutah.com | 801-466-9277

https://www.quora.com/What-should-I-do-if-my-divorce-is-not-getting-solved-quickly/answer/Eric-Johnson-311?prompt_topic_bio=1

Tags: , , , , , , ,

On What Basis Should the Couple Share Half of Property in Divorce if One Contributes Significantly More Than the Other? How Is It Fair?

It’s fair. It’s not fair. Frankly, reasonable minds can differ on this question.

The governing principle in the USA is still (though it’s subtly and slowly changing) in most jurisdictions in the USA that I know of (if not all jurisdictions in the USA) is that property acquired during the marriage by the couple should be divided equally is because a marriage is an “e pluribus unum”-style principle: out of two, one. A married couple is considered to be one when it comes to the ownership of property the couple acquired during the marriage, even if that means that each spouse did not contribute an equal amount of money or effort to the purchase/acquisition of the property.

If the property was purchased with money earned or otherwise acquired by one or primarily by one of the spouses or in exchange for “sweat equity” that one spouse contributed more than the other, the idea is that “what’s mine is yours and what’s yours is mine—it’s all ours.”

Equitable distribution and community property are two different approaches to dividing marital property between spouses in divorce.

Community property states treat all property acquired during the marriage to be owned equally owned by the spouses, and so they, unless exceptional circumstances dictate otherwise, divide the marital property equally between the spouses. Equitable distribution states generally presume that an equal division of marital property is equitable, but an equitable division of property is not necessarily an equal division. In Utah (where I practice divorce and family law), for example the rule of equitable distribution is articulated this way:

Labon v. Labon, 517 P.3d 407, 2022 UT App 103, ¶¶25 – 27 (Utah Court of Appeals 2022; I removed the references to caselaw for the sake of making it easier to read and understand the principles articulated):

In making this division [i.e., and equitable division of property and debts and obligations] the court should engage in a four-step process: (1) distinguish between separate and marital property, (2) consider whether there are exceptional circumstances that overcome the general presumption that marital property should be divided equally between the parties, (3) assign values to each item of marital property, and (4) distribute the property in a manner consistent with its findings and with a view toward allowing each party to go forward with his or her separate life.

And in making the equitable distribution, the court should generally consider the amount and kind of property to be divided. As concerns the type of property, in situations where the marital estate consists primarily of a single large asset, such as a business or stock, a common acceptable approach for the court to take is to award the asset to one party and make a cash award to the other party. Doing so avoids the obviously undesirable situation that forces former spouses to be in a close economic relationship which has every potential for further contention, friction, and litigation, especially when third parties having nothing to do with the divorce will also necessarily be involved.

Moreover, a court should consider the tax consequences associated with the division of marital property if one of the parties will be required to liquidate assets to pay marital debts. But the court is under no obligation to speculate about hypothetical future tax consequences. Thus, when settling property matters, the trial court may decline to consider the speculative future effect of tax consequences associated with sale, transfer, or disbursement of marital property. In other words, there is no abuse of discretion if a court refuses to speculate about hypothetical future tax consequences of a property division made pursuant to a divorce.

Utah Family Law, LC | divorceutah.com | 801-466-9277

https://www.quora.com/On-what-basis-should-the-couple-share-half-of-property-in-divorce-if-one-contributes-significantly-more-than-the-other-How-is-it-fair/answer/Eric-Johnson-311?prompt_topic_bio=1

Tags: , , , , , , ,

What Do We Do When Equal (50/50) Physical Custody Is Awarded but One Parent Isn’t Bearing the Responsibilities Equal Custody Requires of That Parent?

Recently a Quora.com reader commented on my answer to this question: Is there a primary parent in joint custody in Utah which is also known as “equal” or “50/50” custody?

They were good comments that reflect the frustrations of many parents in equal custody situations. To summarize them:

  • Equal physical custody should not be awarded unless each parent exercises equal parental responsibility
    • Or at the very least, if one equal custodial parent does more of the work of caring for the children during his/her time when the children are in his/her care, award that parent some (or more) child support for his/her trouble.
  • Equal custody should not be awarded or exercised if an equal custodial parent who is ordered to pay child support does not pay it.

It is absolutely and indisputably correct that for a parent to merit an award to him or her of equal physical child custody that parent must bear parental responsibility equally as well.

The question, then, is: what is equal parental responsibility?

While bearing parental responsibility equally could mean that the parents perform each and every parental task equally and in equal amounts (“if I take the child to the doctor this time, you have to take the child to the doctor the next time”), it does not necessarily require it. Pulling equal weight doesn’t mean pulling the same particular weight at the same particular time. If one parent is happier helping with homework than with athletics or club activities, then it may not be a bad idea for that parent to help with most of the homework and for the other parent to take care of getting the kids to and from soccer practices and games. You get the idea.

You mentioned that your ex-husband can pay but chooses not to pay the $40 he is court-ordered to pay each month for homeschooling costs. That’s inexcusable, if you were awarded sole custody, that wouldn’t magically cause Dad to pay you $40 every month either. So not paying money isn’t a reason not to award equal custody. THAT STATED, I know that some parents who were awarded equal custody want all the benefits of equal custody without meeting any of the associated responsibilities. The only way to keep some (some, not all) of these types honest is to hit them in the pocketbook.

We all know that if spending time with the children were conditioned on paying child support in full and on time (when able, of course), we’d see a lot more child support being paid. Not always, but a lot more. We also all know that if receiving child support were conditioned on ensuring that you showed up for every custody and parent-time exchange on time (when able, of course), we’d see a lot more child support being paid as well.

Unfortunately*, Utah’s law is “If a parent fails to comply with a provision of the parenting plan [i.e., the physical custody and parent-time awards] or a child support order, the other parent’s obligations under the parenting plan or the child support order are not affected.” (Utah Code § 30–3–10.9(9)) and “A parent may not withhold parent-time or child support due to the other parent’s failure to comply with a court-ordered parent-time schedule.” (Utah Code § 30–3–33(9))

You also referred to the situation in which Dad never attends health care appointments. This is a hard question to analyze, but here’s my reasoning:

  • If Dad can take the kids to these appointments without placing his job in jeopardy, he should. That way, neither parent is burdened too much with appointments and each parent stays apprised of their children’s health and health care.
  • But if Dad works a 9 to 5 job, and if the appointments take place during the 9 to 5 work day and you’re a stay-at-home parent who homeschools the kids, doesn’t it make more sense for you to take the kids to these appointments? Why make Dad do it just to make him do it? Why make Dad do it when you can do it easier and without placing Dad’s job in jeopardy?
  • On the other hand, if Dad could bear the health care appointments burdens with you equally, but refuses to do so, resulting in you spending all the time and making all the effort required to take care of this important custodial responsibility, that may justify awarding you sole physical custody of the children.

Utah Family Law, LC | divorceutah.com | 801-466-9277

https://utahdivorceandfamilylaw.quora.com/Is-there-a-primary-parent-in-joint-custody-in-Utah-which-is-also-known-as-equal-or-50-50-custody-Utah-like-many-s?__nsrc__=4&__snid3__=70639966822&comment_id=98421161&comment_type=3


*Again, and in fairness (and while I don’t have any data to support this), I’d bet that conditioning custody and parent-time on paying child support and conditioning the payment of child support on the child support recipient complying with custody and parent-time exchanges causes more problems than it solves. Maybe it doesn’t. If there is no data, I think it’s worth experimenting with to find out.

Tags: , , , , , , , ,

What Can I Do if My Ex Doesn’t Let My Daughter Come for My Parenting Time Which Is Summer? Our Divorce Is Not Finalized Yet.

I can give you my personal opinion (not legal advice, but my personal opinion) from my perspective as a lawyer licensed in Utah and who practices divorce and family law in Utah. You’ll need to confer with a lawyer about the specifics of your particular case, but I will give you my general take on the situation below.

In Utah, if:

  • you and your spouse are parties to a pending divorce case;
  • you and your spouse have made a written agreement governing a parent-time schedule at any time during the year (whether it be when school is in session or when school is dismissed for the summer);
  • you have an agreement, but the terms of the agreement have not been made the order of the court;
  • you’re upholding your end of the agreement; you’re complying with all of the terms of the agreement;
  • the date when school will be dismissed for the summer is in just a few weeks, or even just a few days, away;
  • but then your spouse tries to renege on the agreement and tells you he/she won’t comply with the agreement

then I would immediately and without delay file an ex parte motion for a temporary order (perhaps an ex parte motion for a temporary restraining order (TRO)) asking the court to order the parties to adhere to their parent-time schedule agreement and request expedited disposition. The longer you wait, the harder it is to prevail. You can request that such a motion be reviewed and decided by the court much more quickly than a typical motion if you can show that time is of the essence (meaning that unless the motion is decided immediately, you will suffer the adverse effects of your spouse’s non-compliance with your parent-time agreement). You can argue that unless the court upholds and enforces the agreement, both you and the children will suffer irreparable harm. See Utah Rules of Civil Procedure, Rule 65A for more details. While there are no guarantees the court would grant such a motion (every judge sees things his/her own way), your odds of succeeding on such a motion are, on the face of it, pretty good.

Utah Family Law, LC | divorceutah.com | 801-466-9277

https://www.quora.com/What-can-I-do-if-my-ex-doesn-t-let-my-daughter-come-for-my-parenting-time-which-is-summer-Our-divorce-is-not-finalized-but-we-already-signed-it-and-it-ll-be-soon-filed/answer/Eric-Johnson-311?prompt_topic_bio=1

Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Should You Stay Friends with Your Former Spouse? By Braxton Mounteer

Whether you should be or try to be friends with your spouse after a divorce is a tough question to answer. Many divorced people continue to care about each other after divorce. Some even find their personal relationship between each other improves. Most maintain an icy distance from each other. I won’t say that being truly friendly can’t be accomplished after divorce, but the question really is: should it?

If you have children, at the very least you must maintain a respectful relationship with the children’s co-parent (even if you have to fake it, in my opinion). Just because you and your former spouse have differences does not mean that your children must share in those differences. Maintaining a co-parenting relationship that doesn’t burden the children is in their best interest. They deserve it. It’s the least you can do for them.

Side note here: I know there are those of you reading this who were innocent victims of a spiteful spouse in your divorce. That you were the class act all along and continue to be, while your ex-spouse remains antagonistic toward you. I know about those of you treat your ex-spouse by Golden Rule post-divorce, while your ex-spouse does not reciprocate. As a legal assistant, I see the ex-spouses who hypocritically hold you to a standard they themselves do not follow. This is not fair, not even close, but for the sake of your children’s well-being, you need to know that sinking to the same level as your petty, spiteful, even malicious ex-spouse would benefit no one and only make life harder for the kids. Doing the right thing matters most when doing the right thing is hard.

Sometimes it may be unavoidable to have some kind of continuing relationship with your ex-spouse. Are you coworkers? Do you have mutual friends or engage in the same activities that neither of you is willing to give up? If so, you must determine mutual friends and activities are worth making the effort to get along with your ex-spouse. If they aren’t, you can’t complain about having to give those things up for the sake of achieving your goal of having nothing to do with your ex-spouse post-divorce.

We have all heard a story of an “ ugly divorce”. Most people burn whatever bridge that they had or may have had with their spouses over the course of that process.

The fact is that the right thing to do, if only for your own sake and without consideration for your ex-spouse, is to recognize your own failings that contributed to the failed marriage (and don’t misunderstand me; if you’re not at fault, you’re under no obligation to apologize falsely) and to forgive your ex for his or her faults and the hurt he or she caused you, so that you can put your troubled past behind you as best you can as you move on with life after divorce. “Hate is a poison more deadly to the hater than the hated.” If all you can do is make peace with the pre-divorce past, that’s invaluable. If you can do one better and bury the hatchet, becoming friends, though no longer spouses, don’t let your pride stand in the way of that. If you do, you’ll regret it.

Utah Family Law, LC | divorceutah.com | 801-466-9277

Tags: , , , , , , ,

What Would I Say, if I Were a Judge or Commissioner Hearing a Protective Order Request Case and I Denied the Request for the Protective Order?

I would say this:

By law I cannot grant a request for a protective order unless a preponderance of the evidence supports the request.

If the request lacks the support of a preponderance of the evidence, then the law prohibits me from granting it, even if I desired to grant it in spite of the law. I have no desire to act in spite of the law.

It is tempting to grant a protective order unsupported by a preponderance of evidence on a “better safe than sorry” basis, but that temptation’s ultimate end is, as is true of all temptations, evil. Abusing the law to provide protection from ostensible cohabitant abuse would be rank hypocrisy.

Finding a petitioner has not met the burden of proof does not mean either 1) the petitioner is or is not, in fact, a victim of cohabitant abuse; or 2) the respondent did or did not, in fact, commit cohabitant abuse.

If any protective order petitioner is in fact a victim of cohabitant abuse, then I suggest that the petitioner take all reasonable, necessary, and legally permissible measures available to the petitioner for the petitioner’s protection. A protective order is certainly not the only or the most effective protective measure a cohabitant abuse victim can or should take. A sheet of paper or an image on a screen cannot deflect fists, feet, clubs, knives, or bullets. A protective order is only as effective as it is duly enforced, but unfortunately, “When seconds count, the police are just minutes away.” For your own sake be resourceful. Do not become a victim of your own inaction.

If a protective order respondent is, in fact, innocent of the allegations made against the respondent, then I extend to all such respondents this court’s apologies for the stigma that may, and almost certainly will, attach to and dog the respondent for who knows how long as the result of being falsely accused. Fraudulently sought protective orders are all too common, and everyone in the legal system knows it.

If a protective order respondent is, in fact, a cohabitant abuse perpetrator whom the preponderance of evidence standard unwittingly abetted, then I hope and suggest you seize on this opportunity to sin no more. You may not be so lucky next time.

The first courtroom I set foot in as a lawyer had these two statements written on its walls: “Know thyself. – Socrates” and “Control thyself. – Cicero”. I commend this advice both to the petitioner and to the respondent.

Having reviewed the admissible evidence presented to me on the petitioner’s request for a protective order and having found that the petitioner has not met the preponderance of evidence burden of proof, the request must, therefore, necessarily be and is denied.

Utah Family Law, LC | divorceutah.com | 801-466-9277

Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

What Would Happen if One Parent Does Not Bring Their Child for a Utah Court-Ordered Custody Exchange?

First, we need to learn and understand the term for violating a court order. That term is “contempt of court.” In Utah, one commits contempt of court in a civil proceeding (like a child custody case in a divorce or between unwed parents) if, and only if, all of the following criteria are met:

As a general rule, in order to prove contempt for failure to comply with a court order it must be shown that the person cited for contempt knew what was required, had the ability to comply, and intentionally failed or refused to do so. The district court must make explicit findings, whether written or transcribed, on the three elements of contempt. In a civil contempt proceeding, those elements must be proved by clear and convincing evidence.

(Koehler v. Allen, 466 P.3d 738, 2020 UT App 73 (Court of Appeals of Utah))

So, if the parent did not meet for the child custody or visitation/parent-time exchange because his/her car was out of commission or because the flight home was delayed for weather or because he/she was in a coma (you get the idea), then that parent couldn’t be held in contempt because a) that parent did not have the ability to comply (at least at that time), and b) did not intentionally fail or refuse to comply with the court’s order, that parent cannot be held in contempt.

If the parent could comply with the order and intentionally violated the order, that parent can be held in contempt.

To hold a parent in contempt, you would need to file a motion to hold the parent in contempt. You could move for (but are not required to move for) sanctions against the parent for his/her contemptuous actions. Here is where you can find the forms for this, if you want to file them yourself, instead of retaining the services of an attorney to file and prosecute the motion for you (warning: rarely do people who aren’t attorneys fill out, file, and serve these forms correctly, and oftentimes a winning motion is lost because of it):

Motion to Enforce Order (utcourts.gov)

What kinds of sanctions can the court impose for contempt of court for noncompliance with the child custody and parent-time orders?

See Utah Code Section 78B-6-316:

Utah Code § 78B-6-316.  Compensatory service for violation of parent-time order or failure to pay child support.

(1) As used in this section, “obligor” means the same as that term is defined in Section 81-6-101.

(2) If a court finds by a preponderance of the evidence that a parent has refused to comply with the minimum amount of parent-time ordered in a decree of divorce, the court shall order the parent to:

(a) perform a minimum of 10 hours of compensatory service; and

(b) participate in workshops, classes, or individual counseling to educate the parent about the importance of complying with the court order and providing a child a continuing relationship with both parents.

(3) If a custodial parent is ordered to perform compensatory service or undergo court-ordered education, there is a rebuttable presumption that the noncustodial parent be granted parent-time by the court to provide child care during the time the custodial parent is complying with compensatory service or education in order to recompense him for parent-time wrongfully denied by the custodial parent under the divorce decree.

(4) If a noncustodial parent is ordered to perform compensatory service or undergo court-ordered education, the court shall attempt to schedule the compensatory service or education at times that will not interfere with the noncustodial parent’s parent-time with the child.

(5) The person ordered to participate in court-ordered education is responsible for expenses of workshops, classes, and individual counseling.

(6) If a court finds by a preponderance of the evidence that an obligor has refused to pay child support as ordered by a court in accordance with Title 81, Chapter 6, Child Support, the court shall order the obligor to:

(a) perform a minimum of 10 hours of compensatory service; and

(b) participate in workshops, classes, or individual counseling to educate the obligor about the importance of complying with the court order and providing the children with a regular and stable source of support.

(7) The obligor is responsible for the expenses of workshops, classes, and individual counseling ordered by the court.

(8) If a court orders an obligor to perform compensatory service or undergo court-ordered education, the court shall attempt to schedule the compensatory service or education at times that will not interfere with the obligor’s parent-time with the child.

(9) The sanctions that the court shall impose under this section do not prevent the court from imposing other sanctions or prevent any person from bringing a cause of action allowed under state or federal law.

(10) The Legislature shall allocate the money from the Children’s Legal Defense Account to the judiciary to defray the cost of enforcing and administering this section.

What else can the court order?

See Utah Code Section 78B-6-310:

Utah Code § 78B-6-310.  Contempt — Action by court.

(1) The court shall determine whether the person proceeded against is guilty of the contempt charged. If the court finds the person is guilty of the contempt, the court may impose a fine not exceeding $1,000, order the person incarcerated in the county jail not exceeding 30 days, or both. However, a justice court judge or court commissioner may punish for contempt by a fine not to exceed $500 or by incarceration for five days or both.

(2) A fine imposed under this section is subject to the limitations of Subsection 76-3-301(2).

And you can ask for the court to award you the fees and court costs you incurred in having to prepare and prosecute the motion to enforce the domestic relations order and for sanctions as well.

Should I call the police?

Whether to call the police depends on the circumstances, but generally, I discourage calls to the police simply because a parent refuses to obey a court order to meet to exchange custody of the children. If there is real concern (real concern) that a parent has absconded with or kidnapped a child, a call to the police is more than warranted, but calling the police in the hope that they will coerce or intimidate a parent into complying with the custody exchange orders usually doesn’t work and often makes you (if you call the police) look spiteful. And it upsets the police (they feel they have much better things to do than respond to calls of noncompliance with child custody exchange orders). Better to report the noncompliance to the police by calling them, reporting the noncompliance with a brief description of what happened, and asking the police department to make a record and give you the incident number for the report. That way, when you move to hold the contemptuous parent in contempt, you have proof that you were complying at your end and did complain to the police about it.

But I thought that noncompliance with child custody and parent-time orders is a crime.

In Utah, it is a crime (see Utah Code Section 76-5-303 (Custodial Interference)), but with extraordinarily rare exception, law enforcement officers simply refuse to enforce it. I’ve never witnessed anyone being arrested or even cited for it. Better to report the noncompliance to the police by calling them, reporting the noncompliance with a brief description of what happened, and asking the police department to make a record and give you the incident number for the report. That way, when you move to hold the contemptuous parent in contempt, you have proof that you were complying at your end and did complain to the police about it. That way you have documented the noncompliance and your reasonable efforts to enforce it to the extent that the police are willing to do anything connected with enforcement (which is, admittedly very little).

What if this is a chronic problem (the other parent repeatedly doesn’t show up for exchanges)?

If the other parent is shamelessly flouting the custody and parent-time exchange orders, and if you have a long enough history you can prove (and you can prove the no-shows are intentional), that could, if it’s egregious enough, constitute a basis for a modification of the child parent-time and/or child custody awards themselves. If you can prove that the chronic noncompliance constitutes “a substantial and material change in the circumstances upon which custody was awarded” and “that a modification is in the best interests of the child,” to remedy the problems being caused by these substantial and material change in the circumstances (See Hudema v. Carpenter, 1999 UT App 290, ¶ 22, 989 P.2d 491), you might prevail on such a petition.

Utah Family Law, LC | divorceutah.com | 801-466-9277

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

What Are the Options for Someone Who Has Been Served Divorce Papers by Their Spouse Who Has Moved Away and No Longer Wants to Be With Them?

If you want to know your options and have the time to exercise them, then you need to meet with an attorney immediately to find out what the law requires of you, so that you don’t default (“default” means that you failed or refused to answer or defend against the divorce petition or complaint filed against you in court) and end up having judgment entered against for your default. You have a limited amount of time to respond to the petition/complaint for divorce before you will be in default. Choosing to procrastinate is not an option that would do you any goodGo consult with an attorney immediately. Bring the divorce papers you were served with to the appointment.

Utah Family Law, LC | divorceutah.com | 801-466-9277

https://motherinlawmysteriesandconflicts.quora.com/What-are-the-options-for-someone-who-has-been-served-divorce-papers-by-their-spouse-who-has-moved-away-and-no-longer-wan-8

Tags: , , , , ,

Taylor v. Elison, 2011 UT App 272, ¶ 6:

The bifurcated inquiry required by Utah law in custody modifications cases where the court must consider whether “there has been a substantial and material change in the circumstances upon which” custody was awarded and “whether a modification is in the best interests of the child.” See Hudema v. Carpenter, 1999 UT App 290, ¶ 22, 989 P.2d 491.

Utah Family Law, LC | divorceutah.com | 801-466-9277

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Is It Common for Ex-spouses to Continue Supporting Each Other Financially and Emotionally After a Divorce? What Are Some Potential Solutions for This Situation?

See parent question. I am a divorce lawyer, and after a divorce case ends (meaning a decree of divorce has been issued and case essentially closed), I literally never know how the divorced couple interacts afterward unless their interactions result in the violation of provisions of the decree, or circumstances change so substantially and materially from what they were at the time the decree of divorce was entered that modifying the decree becomes either necessary or warranted.

If a court orders an ex-spouse to pay child support and/or alimony, then clearly that ex-spouse will be supporting the other financially, but this is due to a court order, not out of the goodness of that ex-spouse’s heart (in fairness, most people have no objection to supporting their own minor children and would do so whether they were “court-ordered” to do so).

That stated, it is my impression that post-divorce, most (most, not all) couples interact with each other very little, and only as much as necessary. Obviously, divorced parents of minor children almost always find themselves interacting with each other more than a couple without children or whose children are grown adults and not living with either parent because these divorced parents of minor children need to sign documents pertaining to the children, attend health care appointments and parent teacher conferences, performances and athletic events in which the children participate, etc.

Some ex-spouses end up voluntarily supporting an ex-spouse financially and/or emotionally because they didn’t want the divorce and still care for their ex-spouses and genuinely want to help them. Some provide support over and above what the court orders because it’s easier to provide the support than it is to ignore the ex-spouse’s constant wheedling and complaining, threats, and overall nuisance-causing.

Some people divorce in such an amicable way that they can truly care for each other yet conclude (often mutually) that they are better off friends than spouses. In those situations, they can and do care about and support each other as friends. I don’t know about you, but I am not in the habit of supporting my friends financially (with friends like those . . . ). Of course I’ll help in a time of emergency or need, I’ll buy a friend a birthday gift, pick up the tab for a meal, and things like that, but I don’t consider it part of a friendship to be paying a friend’s expenses with any degree of regularity. So a “friendly ex-spouse” who expects your friendship with him/her to include regular financial support of any amount is probably exploiting your good will.

For the most part, it is my experience that most ex-spouses do not voluntarily continue to support each other financially and emotionally after a divorce; it’s part of the divorce process to cut those ties.

A divorced person who feels “cheated” or “deprived” of an ex-spouse’s financial and/or emotional support after divorce because of divorce is someone who either does not understand divorce or its purpose.

If one is an innocent spouse who was nothing but loving and supporting and faithful and devoted during the married and his/her spouse divorced him/her due to no fault of the innocent spouse, well, honey, unless your ex comes to his/her senses and sincerely begs your forgiveness (and it is known to happen in rare, rare circumstances—not frequently enough to justify believing or even hoping it is likely to happen), then if your ex wants nothing more to do with you, you’re much better off finding love, affection, and support elsewhere.

Utah Family Law, LC | divorceutah.com | 801-466-9277

Tags: , , , , , , ,

How to Refer to Numbered Paragraphs in Divorce and Family Law Cases

If you care to know: please don’t refer to the numbered paragraphs in divorce and family law cases as anything other than paragraph numbers. ¶

So it’s “paragraph 4”.

Not “section 4”.

Not “clause 4”.

Not “subdivision 4”.

Not “part 4”.

Not “article 4”.

Not “item 4”.

Not “segment 4”.

Just paragraph 4. ¶ 4.

Thank you.

Utah Family Law, LC | divorceutah.com | 801-466-9277

Tags: , , ,

What Could Be the Reasons for Someone to Return to an Abusive Partner After Filing for Divorce and Leaving Them Once Before? Why Would They Also Leave Their Children Behind?

Good reasons? Or any and all reasons?

In no particular order:

  • The abuse is not bad enough (or perceived as not bad enough) to justify terminating the relationship. Otherwise stated, the detriments of terminating the relationship outweigh the loss of the benefits of the relationship.
    • Fear of being unable to provide for the physical needs of the children if one has to be the sole breadwinner
      • This is why some abuse victims “abandon” their children when they leave/escape an abusive relationship—because they know or believe they can’t take care of the kids by themselves. Sometimes they truly abandon the kids, meaning that they take an “every man for himself” approach. Sometimes, however, it’s more pragmatic; “He/she only abuses me, not the kids, so I’m leaving my abuser. The kids will be better off with him/her because they aren’t abused and my abuser is actually a good/acceptable parent and can provide the necessities of life for them better than I can.”
  • He/she claims to be abused to seek attention when in fact he/she is not abused.
  • The “He/she is abusive, I know that, but I can’t do any better than him/her” belief.
  • He/she who is abused does not believe (or claims not to believe) he/she is abused.
  • Another reason: religious beliefs, moral beliefs, and/or social norms that it is wrong to terminate a marriage or a relationship that has resulted in children being born to the couple.
  • Threats made by the abuser that “If you try to leave me, I’ll hurt you and/or the kids.”
  • Mentally or emotionally unable to understand that one is not obligated to suffer abuse in a relationship.
  • Too weak and/or stupid to know or do any better.

Utah Family Law, LC | divorceutah.com | 801-466-9277

https://motherinlawmysteriesandconflicts.quora.com/What-could-be-the-reasons-for-someone-to-return-to-an-abusive-partner-after-filing-for-divorce-and-leaving-them-once-bef?__nsrc__=4

Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Is It Possible to Discredit a Biased Custody Evaluation Full of Unsubstantiated and False Claims?

Yes, it is possible, but not always possible, and when it is possible it is often very difficult to accomplish.

Difficult not because custody evaluators are particularly competent (they typically are not, in my experience) but because the family law system appears to love custody evaluations.

And why does the system love custody evaluations?

  • One main reason: it takes the job of reviewing and analyzing the child custody evidence off the judge’s plate.
  • Another reason: some courts honestly find custody evaluations truly informative. In fairness, a custody evaluator who gathers relevant facts, analyzes them clearly and understandably, and makes cogent recommendations based upon the evidence and analysis with minimal reliance on subjective opinion provides a valuable service to parents and court alike. Rarely, however, are a custody evaluation performed and the recommendations made competently.
  • Another reason: regardless of whether the judge was being sensitive and thorough in analyzing the child custody issues, it makes the judge look that way.
  • Another reason: if the judge wants to rule a certain way and the custody evaluation supports what the judge wants to do, the judge can praise and cite to the custody evaluation (if the judge wants to rule a certain way and the custody evaluation is contrary to what the judge wants to do, the judge can simply (even blithely) dismiss the evaluator and evaluation—in classic 20/20 hindsight fashion—as “insufficient” or “incomplete” or “lacking detail” or “poorly reasoned” or “failing to address [fill in the blank here]” or “subjective”, etc. You may wonder whether it is fair to say such things of a custody evaluator and the evaluator’s report. It usually is, but even if it’s not (i.e., the evaluator did a commendable job), that won’t stop a judge who’s bent on ruling the way the judge wants to rule).

How do you refute an incompetent/inaccurate custody evaluation and recommendations? I could give you checklist, but that wouldn’t apply in all situations. The harsh reality: to refute and overcome a bad custody evaluation (“bad” meaning defective, not “performed competently, but adverse to me”) you will need to be prepared to spend a lot of money on 1) an excellent, skilled, fearless attorney; and 2) a rebuttal expert of your own who is more qualified and experienced and more articulate than the custody evaluator you are seeking to discredit. The attorney and rebuttal expert you need don’t come cheap.

Utah Family Law, LC | divorceutah.com | 801-466-9277

https://www.quora.com/Is-it-possible-to-discredit-a-biased-custody-evaluation-full-of-unsubstantiated-and-false-claims/answer/Eric-Johnson-311

Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

You Reap What You Sow.

I’m Braxton Mounteer, a legal assistant. I’ve written and talked about this problem before, but it’s a recurring problem and a serious one. It’s hard enough to muster the courage to hire a divorce lawyer and pay so much money to your lawyer to represent you in your divorce in the hope that your lawyer can protect you, guide you through the divorce process, help you make sense of what’s going on, and bring you to the end of the divorce process with an equitable outcome. So why do so many clients make it so difficult for their lawyers to help them? Why do so many clients procrastinate? Why do they ignore or put off until the last minute their attorneys’ requests for vital documents. Why do they evade or give incomplete or outright false answers to important questions? Why do so many clients act as though their wish is the lawyer’s command? Look, we know this is a hard process for you. We know it’s hard to manage all of life’s challenges without a divorce being added to the mix. We know you don’t like having to go through your financial records and share them with strangers. We know you don’t want to go over your criminal history, your infidelity, your substance abuse, and other examples of your bad judgment you’ve been trying to leave in the past and move on from and even forget. We know you don’t like what feels like intrusions into your privacy, your mental and physical health history, relationships between you and your spouse, between you and your children, between you and other members of your extended family and circle of friends. We know that you hate already being in dire financial straits before you had to start budgeting to pay for a divorce lawyer. We know you don’t like feeling ignorant of the legal system and all the terms getting thrown around as the lawyers and the courts discuss your fate. We know how tempting it is to believe if you simply bury your head in the sand all of this will go away. But it won’t. It’s tempting to fool yourself into believing that once you hire a divorce lawyer it’s all in your lawyer’s hands. But it’s not. If you have a house, some retirement savings, minor children, if you are facing the prospect of paying or receiving alimony, if there’s substantial marital debt, then you will almost surely benefit in the long run from investing in the services of a skilled divorce lawyer. The most effective lawyers work with a client, not merely for a client. Lawyers are called counselors for a reason; They confer with you, they advise you, but the choices are yours to make. Wouldn’t you rather have as many options and choices open to you? Wouldn’t you rather act instead of being acted upon? In a very real sense, how much your lawyer can help you depends upon how much you help your lawyer. You reap what you sow.

Tags: , , , , ,

What Are My Chances of Gaining Full or Primary Custody of My Child as a Father?

First, you need ask a different question before you get to the question of a father’s chances of winning full or primary custody of children in divorce. The question should not be “what are my chances,” but instead, “What custody arrangement is best for our children?”

It is my view that as long as both parents are fit (not perfect, and not equally fit, but each parent meets minimal requirements of parental fitness), both parents love their children and want to be as involved as they can be with their children while the children are still minors, and both parents live within very close proximity to each other so that the children have the same friends and activities in the same neighborhood regardless of which parent they are with at a given time, then the parents should be awarded joint custody. Joint custody does not necessarily mean 50/50 custody, by the way. For example, in Utah, where I practice divorce and family law, joint physical custody* is defined in the Utah Code as “the child stays with each parent overnight for more than 30% of the year”; so that means that if Dad has the children in his custody 111 overnights out of 365, he’s considered a “joint physical custodian”.

With that stated, I’ll address your question: What are my chances of gaining full or primary custody of my child as a father? Generally speaking, in contemporary culture? Not great. Heck, not even good, but still better than it was a generation ago.

I’m a divorce lawyer. I’m 55 years old. When I was still a child (a teenager) in the 1980s, the way joint child custody for fathers was discussed would lead you to conclude that the authors had never even contemplated it before. One article I found treats the subject of a law passed in 1981 “authorizing joint custody of children after separation or divorce”. Really? Joint custody wasn’t even an option until 1981? And this paragraph is from article published in 1984:

A small revolution has begun in child custody law, and as yet its dimensions and ultimate direction are uncertain. Joint custody, the sharing of legal authority by divorced or separated parents over their children, is gaining acceptance as the best arrangement for most children when their parents divorce.

We’ve come a long way since then, but there is still an undeniable bias that takes two forms: 1) bias in favor of mothers (and thus, consequently against fathers) and 2) a specific bias against fathers in the child custody analysis.

Judges, whether they be men or women, generally (not all judges, but most still) believe that mothers are superior caregivers, that children are generally more closely bonded with their mother than with their fathers, and that men who say they want to exercise joint custody do so to a) gain leverage in divorce negotiations over issues that have little or nothing to do with child custody and/or b) reduce the amount of child support they pay. It’s pretty sexists thinking, and you’re rarely going to find a judge who’s dumb enough to express his/her views so starkly, but the bias is there. It doesn’t matter if you’re a male or female lawyer; we all see it.

If you’re clearly an absentee father, then your hope of being awarded joint custody rests largely on whether you are lucky enough to live in a jurisdiction that awards joint custody more or less by default. I’ve heard that such jurisdictions exist, but I don’t live in one now.

But if you are a good, loving, fit father, what can you do to improve their chances of the court making a joint physical and legal custody award? In no particular order: 1) call out the bias (do it diplomatically, if possible). 2) gather and present ludicrously overwhelming evidence of your parental fitness. The bias against fathers results in mothers essentially being presumed fit parents and father being presumed unfit. It’s disgustingly unfair, but crying about it isn’t enough to overcome it. Fathers must work much, much harder and provide much, much more objectively verifiable evidence of parental fitness than do mothers. Prove beyond any reasonable doubt that you clearly meet all of the criteria in your jurisdiction for qualifying for a joint custody award. 3) Be prepared for a long, expensive, unfair fight. Don’t give up. You’ll want to, perhaps even several times over the course of the court case. 4) Do not fall for the “well, we’ll start with minimum visitation/parent-time and see about working our way up to joint” settlement offer scam—that’s usually structured (whether intentionally or not) to keep you at minimum time.

Utah Family Law, LC | divorceutah.com | 801-466-9277


*There are two kinds of child custody: physical and legal. Physical custody is the right to have the child live with the person awarded custody by the court (Black’s Law Dictionary 11th ed. 2019). Legal custody is the authority to make significant decisions on a child’s behalf, including decisions about education, religious training, and healthcare. (Id.) Make sure you seek both joint physical AND joint legal custody. And unless you don’t want equal (i.e., 50/50, no parent has more than the other) custody, make sure you specifically request an award of equal legal and physical custody. It’s not a given.

Tags: , , , , , ,

We Can Call It the “Presumption of Guilt Act”

Did you see this in the news in Utah (from the Salt Lake Tribune)?

A Utah man never hit his wife — until he tried to kill her. But how he treated her was a warning sign.

Saying that the proposed “coercive control” legislation is needed because of the “failure of the courts” to detect crime makes no sense. It’s not a judge’s job to detect crime. It’s the police and prosecutors’ jobs. The judge applies the law to the facts and the evidence and renders judgment.

Moreover, by its nature crime occurs in the shadows. It’s going to happen no matter how much anti-crime legislation is passed. Otherwise stated, crime does not occur due to a lack of laws on the books. Legislation might help to punish crime, but isn’t much a deterrent to crime (and never has been).

The idea that we “must work toward” zero domestic violence is absurd. Domestic violence has always occurred and always will in an imperfect world. Thus, domestic violence is going to occur regardless of how many laws are passed “in opposition to” it.

Proposed statutes like this can “work” only by having the public and law enforcement and the courts indulge in a mass group delusion.

Laws like this will result in a presumption of guilt as a way of getting rid of the pesky preponderance of evidence standard of proof and letting “better safe than sorry” and “abundance of caution” and “guilty until proven innocent” rule. Miraculously, this new not-a-real-standard standard will create a new class of abuser (i.e., those who self-proclaimed victims subjectively deem to be abusers and that the courts will treat as abusers unless and until the presumed abuser proves otherwise).

Perversely, proponents of such a bill will claim that it is reducing domestic violence by increasing arrests, prosecutions, and convictions–but at the cost of throwing the presumption of innocence and a preponderance of evidence and or beyond a reasonable doubt standards out the window. Not just thrown out the window, but shot at high velocity out the window beyond retrieval. This would create a net that will end up snaring innocent people who will be falsely accused and convicted in the name of “better” detection and prevention.

Utah Family Law, LC | divorceutah.com | 801-466-9277

Tags: , , , , , , ,

Rejecting Fact for Faith: the Inexplicable and Inexcusable Silencing of the PGAL’s Child Client

When a PGAL (private guardian ad litem) is appointed to represent children in a child custody dispute in a Utah divorce case, it would sure be good to know what the PGAL and the children actually said to each other (not merely believe, not trust any second-hand source’s claims as to what the children purportedly said, but know what the children said) by having a by having an audio and/or sound-and-video recording of the what the PGAL and the children actually said to each other. I am not aware of any evidence that proves or so much as suggests that having such a record is (is, not may be, but is) prejudicial or harmful to anyone.

The reasons why should be obvious.

I don’t have to believe you if you tell me that your fingerprints are not on the murder weapon. In contrast, I cannot deny your fingerprints aren’t on the murder weapon, when you show me the murder weapon has none of your fingerprints on it.

If you had an eye witness who could provide you with an alibi, you would need the witness himself to testify. You couldn’t say to the judge or jury, “Trust me, I have an eye witness, and if he were here, he’d tell you that Mickey shot Jerry, not me.” The only way to know if such a witness really exists and is not just a convenient figment of your imagination is to hear from the witness himself. Indeed, if you tried to speak for a phantom witness, that would be inadmissible hearsay. Objective fact is self-evidently more probative than unverified stories and claims. This is why we don’t rely on hearsay when we can hear first-hand from the witness.

You wouldn’t want people trying to put words in your mouth and misrepresenting what you do and do not say. It’s why the rule against hearsay exists, and for good reason. It’s why the public rose up and demanded bodycams for police (because the police were caught lying so much and chronically violating innocent people’s rights in the process). It’s why we need verifiable proof that medicine actually works and aircraft can safely takeoff, fly, and land before we use them.

Yet PGALs in Utah all but universally refuse to interview children on the record and oppose children being questioned by anyone else on the record. Instead, PGALs expect that everyone believe 1) what the PGAL claims to have asked the children in the PGAL’s interviews with them and 2) what the PGAL claims the children said in response 3) and to believe the PGALs without the children being subject to cross-examination. “Believe the PGAL on what basis?,” you may ask. Merely being appointed as a PGAL. That’s like expecting one to believe a witness in court merely because the witness swore an oath to tell the truth (which would be as unreasonable as it is irresponsible). Being a PGAL doesn’t render one incapable of lying or incapable of misperceiving or misremembering details. Being a PGAL free the PGAL from personal biases and prejudices that hamper impartiality and sound judgment.[1]

Even if someone subjectively believed a PGAL were infallible and could never lie and never misperceive reality, subjective belief would not make it so. It could not make it so. Subjective belief is inherently not, and inherently can never be, superior to objectively verifiable fact. 

Yet the courts indulge—and knowingly indulge—in this kind of thing all the time. “Trust that the PGAL is telling us the truth because he/she is a PGAL,” or “We don’t need to hear from the children directly, the PGAL speaks for them.” It would be one thing if a PGAL claimed to speak for a child client and the child client at least went on the record to verify, “Yes, what the PGAL just proffered is correct,” but we don’t even have that. Once a PGAL is appointed, the child is rarely—if ever—heard from himself/herself. Even when the child is willing to testify. I’m not kidding. I’m not exaggerating.

Sometimes we don’t have objective proof. Sometimes all we have to go on is believing (or not believing) someone’s word. But belief is plainly not the highest standard of proof (thank goodness). When we can rely on fact over faith, we are morally, intellectually, and legally obligated to do so. 

When accuracy and truth matter (and when do they not?) and if and when we can hear directly from that particular person himself/herself, no one should “trust” what anyone (not just you–anyone) says someone else allegedly said.

Any PGAL who would assert, “I have or could have objective verification for my claims, but I refuse to provide such verification; take my word for it,” is a PGAL no one can be obligated to believe. I ask sincerely: how can any PGAL or judge or commissioner who believes that the PGAL serves to silence a child client’s own voice be trusted?

Utah Family Law, LC | divorceutah.com | 801-466-9277


[1] Indeed, if we took every word of the PGAL as gospel, we wouldn’t need a judge to do anything other than rubber stamp what the PGAL says. If the PGAL says the children claim Dad beat them, well then, that’s what the children said—after all, the PGAL says so. No need to inquire into whether the children were coached, coerced, brainwashed, or chose to lie. And because the law in Utah is construed to mean that children “represented” by PGALs are prohibited from speaking for themselves, no inquiry with the children on the record will ever take place. Does that look like “fact” finding, like due process, like a just and equitable process to you?

Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

My Husband Is Forcing Me to Get My Inheritance From Court From My Ex-husband’s (Deceased) Brothers, Otherwise He Will Divorce Me. What Should I Do?

Talk to a good (a good) lawyer about whether you even have the right to “inherit” from your ex-husband’s brothers. Unless there are bizarre circumstances at work here, odds are you have no rights to your ex-husband’s brothers’ decedents’ estates. Talk to a good lawyer who handles wills and probate matters to find out. Heck, bring your husband along to the meeting, so that he learns first-hand from the lawyer himself (that way he can’t tell you that “you don’t understand” if you come back from the lawyer’s office by yourself and tell your husband what the lawyer told you).

As for a husband who threatens to divorce you if you don’t try to obtain a portion of your ex-husband’s brothers brothers’ decedents’ estates, if this kind of behavior on his part is the norm in your marriage, you ought next to find out if this is mental illness, whether it’s behavior that can be corrected, whether he’ll recognize the behavior as wrong, or whether he’ll choose (regardless of why) to continue to conduct himself contemptibly. If your husband is chronically manipulating or emotionally abusing you without remorse, you may be better off without him.

Utah Family Law, LC | divorceutah.com | 801-466-9277

https://motherinlawmysteriesandconflicts.quora.com/My-husband-is-forcing-me-to-get-my-inheritance-from-court-from-my-ex-husband-s-deceased-brothers-otherwise-he-will-div?__nsrc__=4

Tags: , , , ,
Click to listen highlighted text!