One of the most common ways Nice Guys use covert contracts to try to meet their needs is through caretaking. Nice Guys believe their caretaking is fundamentally loving and is one of the things that makes them good people. In reality, caretaking has nothing to do with being loving or good.
Those prone to such caretaking behavior struggle to observe the boundaries between themselves and the other party. The idea that they are an individual is foreign to them and they prefer to think in terms of a joint being.
Henry Cloud, the leading authority on the topic of boundaries says, “When you feel compelled to help someone with a serious problem, whether it’s out of love or as a favor to a friend, it could breed a codependent relationship if you continuously sacrifice your needs for the benefit of someone else. There are myriad reasons why you may find yourself in such situations, but by having an awareness of your own habits and behaviors, you can avoid a potentially dysfunctional relationship.”
Learning to set boundaries is an important aspect of becoming an authentic and integrated person. Let’s talk about a few recommendations that the experts share and what has worked for us in the past and what are the next steps.