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Tag: adversity

How does being a child of divorce change the way you approach marriage?

I saw something on Facebook recently that is applicable here. Two brothers had followed divergent paths into adulthood. One was a lonely alcoholic bum. The other was a successful and respected family man. When asked how he came to his current circumstances, each had the same answer: because my dad was an alcoholic. 

As bitter a pill as it is to swallow, it is no less true: how we respond to adversity determines our trajectory. 

That stated, most children of divorce are at greater risk of fearing commitment, of engaging in risky and shallow personal relationships as adults, of perceiving marriage as a cause of great personal suffering, and concluding that the odds of a meaningful and worthwhile marriage are slim. 

But that’s the fault of the people who let their parents’ divorce sour them on marriage. Be honest with yourselves. Marriage is in the problem. It’s one or two dysfunctional people engaging in dysfunctional behavior in a marriage who is/are the problem. 

Some people see their parents’ marriage come to a bitter and disappointing and and vow that their marriage will not suffer the same fate. I fully realize that no one can ensure that his or her spouse will not file for divorce against him or her. But fearing failure of marriage is no reason to deny yourself the blessings of marriage. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. 

Men and women are meant to be together in a marital relationship. A doesn’t mean that marriage is easy, but we can’t reach our full potential without marriage and family as part of our lives’ work and experience. Plenty of people fail to reach their potential because they fear failure. It’s understandable, but it’s equally understandable as to where the blame lies for this kind of failure. 

Utah Family Law, LC | divorceutah.com | 801-466-9277  

https://www.quora.com/How-does-being-a-child-of-divorce-change-the-way-you-approach-marriage/answer/Eric-Johnson-311  

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How do I console a father who has lost custody of his child?

How do I console a father who has lost custody of his child?

“He’s [the father who lost custody] permanently damaged.” That’s what someone else wrote in response to your question. It’s true. Time lost between a parent and child is never found. These kinds of wounds can heal, but rarely will they heal fully or not leave scars.

There is still not just some consolation, but much consolation to be found, however.

First, all of us suffer injustices in life yet the overwhelming majority of us still have far more reasons to be happy than miserable. So does Dad. That’s not a Pollyanna view of life, it’s a fact. And a fact one must not let grief blind Dad to.

If one focuses on the negative to the exclusion of the good and positive, then all one will see is the negative and miss out on most or even all of the good. Parents who are alienated from their children have an obligation to themselves not to dwell on it. Feel the pain, of course. Don’t deny it. It’s inevitable and it’s necessary to let the pain run its proper course before you can start to recover.

But don’t let the pain drown you. Don’t let the pain and the bitterness deprive you of all the other good things life has in store for you. That’s what your alienating ex-spouse is hoping for. At the very least don’t give your alienating ex-spouse the satisfaction. Your kids need to see you can rise above this so that they believe they can rise above adversity too.

Second and more importantly (and this is the truth, even if it’s new to you or you think it’s silly; regardless, you have nothing to lose by exploring whether there really is consolation to be found here), by suffering and dying for you (and for your children), Jesus Christ has the power not only to right all wrongs in the next life, but has the power to comfort you and help you heal in this life now as well.

https://youtu.be/4NhzPuNcGkA?t=405

Utah Family Law, LC | divorceutah.com | 801-466-9277

https://www.quora.com/How-do-I-console-a-father-who-has-lost-custody-of-his-child/answer/Eric-Johnson-311?prompt_topic_bio=1

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