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How do I console a father who has lost custody of his child?

How do I console a father who has lost custody of his child?

“He’s [the father who lost custody] permanently damaged.” That’s what someone else wrote in response to your question. It’s true. Time lost between a parent and child is never found. These kinds of wounds can heal, but rarely will they heal fully or not leave scars.

There is still not just some consolation, but much consolation to be found, however.

First, all of us suffer injustices in life yet the overwhelming majority of us still have far more reasons to be happy than miserable. So does Dad. That’s not a Pollyanna view of life, it’s a fact. And a fact one must not let grief blind Dad to.

If one focuses on the negative to the exclusion of the good and positive, then all one will see is the negative and miss out on most or even all of the good. Parents who are alienated from their children have an obligation to themselves not to dwell on it. Feel the pain, of course. Don’t deny it. It’s inevitable and it’s necessary to let the pain run its proper course before you can start to recover.

But don’t let the pain drown you. Don’t let the pain and the bitterness deprive you of all the other good things life has in store for you. That’s what your alienating ex-spouse is hoping for. At the very least don’t give your alienating ex-spouse the satisfaction. Your kids need to see you can rise above this so that they believe they can rise above adversity too.

Second and more importantly (and this is the truth, even if it’s new to you or you think it’s silly; regardless, you have nothing to lose by exploring whether there really is consolation to be found here), by suffering and dying for you (and for your children), Jesus Christ has the power not only to right all wrongs in the next life, but has the power to comfort you and help you heal in this life now as well.

https://youtu.be/4NhzPuNcGkA?t=405

Utah Family Law, LC | divorceutah.com | 801-466-9277

https://www.quora.com/How-do-I-console-a-father-who-has-lost-custody-of-his-child/answer/Eric-Johnson-311?prompt_topic_bio=1

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Should people be allowed to file “alienation of affections” law suits?

Allowed to? Yes. I believe that if one can prove that an otherwise happy marriage was destroyed by a homewrecker, one should have a legal cause of action for alienation of affection. But I am in the minority. And indeed, some (though few) states still allow alienation of affection law suits. In fact, Kevin Howard sued in August 2017 under North Carolina’s alienation of affection law and was awarded $750,000 in August of 2019.

Would I advise it generally? No. Alienation of affections cases are becoming increasingly unpopular. Most states have outlawed a cause of action for alienation of affections. Those states that who retain the cause of action make it hard for people to prevail. When people call me asking whether it would be a good investment to sue for alienation of affections, I tell them no. Odds of success are low, costs of litigation are high. Alienation of affections cases are unpopular with courts. In today’s world there are more satisfactory and cost-effective ways to deal with alienation of affections than suing.

To prove alienation of affection in Utah (where I practice family law), the plaintiff must establish that the defendant

  1. wilfully and intentionally alienated the spouse’s affections
  2. resulting in the loss of the comfort, society and consortium[1] of the spouse, and
  3. (to justify punitive damages) a charge of malice.

Now how easy do you believe it would be to prove that somebody willfully and intentionally “stole” your unwilling spouse away? The defendant will argue that your spouse chose to step out on you (and then likely provide the court with a a laundry list of reasons for doing so, whether good or bad, whether true or false), not that your spouse was duped into leaving a perfectly happy marriage. This is what makes alienation of affection cases so difficult to win.

Utah Family Law, LC | divorceutah.com | 801-466-9277

https://www.quora.com/Do-you-agree-with-being-able-to-sue-the-person-your-spouse-cheated-on-you-with-under-alienation-of-affections-laws/answer/Eric-Johnson-311

[1] The marital alliance between a Husband and Wife and their respective right to each other’s support, cooperation, aid, and companionship. Loss of consortium is an actionable injury for which money damages may be awarded. The loss of the love, sexual relations, and services of a spouse are being considered tangible injuries. (https://legal-dictionary.thefreedictionary.com/consortium).

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