Tag: demands

Why is the divorce rate so high in the United States?

Why is the divorce rate so high in the United States?

Until now, I would answer this question by stating that some of the main reasons for the high divorce rate in the United States were a failure to understand the purpose of marriage and family, what a successful marriage and family demands of a couple and family members, and a culture that increasingly diminishes the importance of selflessness and service to one’s fellow man (both within and without the family unit).

There are statistics that indicate the divorce rate is falling in the United States, but not because more people are staying married, but because more people are simply forgoing marriage altogether (fewer divorces because there are fewer marriage to end in divorce). Why?

Well, in my opinion, it’s for the same reasons the divorce rate is so high and the following additional reasons: 1) government policies that both discourage marriage and incentivize remaining single and having children out of wedlock; 2) a culture that teaches girls and women that men are worthless, that marriage is tantamount to domestic slavery, and that women not only have no need for a man in their lives, but that having a man in their lives is a sign of weakness and a betrayal of the gains women have made in society and the workforce; and 3) obsolete alimony policy and laws that lead many men to conclude that marriage is not worth the risk, if a marriage ends in divorce.

Utah Family Law, LC | | 801-466-9277

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Should I be nice to my spouse during a divorce?

That depends on what you mean by “nice”.

Do you mean “with kindness”? Not necessarily kindness, but certainly decency. You are morally obligated to treat your spouse with decency, but you don’t have to go out of your way to make the spouse you are divorcing happy. You don’t have to capitulate to your spouse’s unfair or unreasonable demands.

Do you mean “with honesty and fairness”? If so, then yes: you are morally obligated to be honest and fair with everyone, but again aren’t obligated to capitulate to your spouse’s unfair or unreasonable demands, nor are you in any way obligated to tolerate being treated unfairly by your spouse.

Do you mean “forgiving”? If so, then yes: you are morally obligated to forgive your spouse for the wrong’s he/she did you, but forgiveness does not mean “acceptance”. Forgiving the people who have deceived or betrayed me in the past does not require me to trust them in the future. I forgive them so that I don’t dwell on the hurt done to me, so that I don’t let the injury continue to harm me, so that the one who did me wrong is shown the mercy needed to give him/her the best opportunity to change for the better without eternal regret or shame hampering the repentance process.

Fighting fire with fire will only intensify the pain and misery. Being the better man (or woman, as the case may be), living up to your virtuous values and standards of conduct is the only way to move on with peace and happiness (and you can get back there). Easier said than done, yes, but the only way.

Utah Family Law, LC | | 801-466-9277

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