BLANK

Tag: divorce advice

Dirty Tricks to Watch Out for in Divorce

I often encounter sneaky spouses who after separation and/or after a divorce action has been filed, start sending text messages and emails to the other spouse making false claims like:

  • “Where did you take my _____” or
  • “Why did you take my _____” or
  • “Bring back my _____ that you took/stole” or
  • “Why did you give away or sell or destroy my _____.”

The items of property mentioned are either safely in the lying spouse’s possession or don’t exist at all. So why make such false claims?

To obtain ill-gotten judgments for money against the innocent spouse for “taking, hiding, destroying, selling, or giving these items away. When spouses who engage in such shenanigans succeed, it’s usually because the innocent spouse takes a “I won’t legitimize your bogus claims with a response.” But that’s exactly the trap into which the lying spouse wants you to fall. Because when you don’t respond, your spouse can then claim “See, my spouse doesn’t deny it!” ‘Think this doesn’t happen? ‘Think it doesn’t work? Think again. Don’t let this happen to you. If your spouse start making such false claims to or against you, respond immediately and unequivocally AND IN WRITING (e-mail is best for this, but text message is OK too—make sure you keep the written record that shows the date and time you sent it to your spouse):

  • “I did not take your _____. It’s in the garage right where you left it.”
  • “There is nothing to bring back because I did not take your _____. It’s in the garage right where you left it.”
  • “I did not give away or sell or destroy your _____ because you don’t own any such thing and never have.”
  • “I did not give away or sell or destroy your _____ because you gave that away to the thrift store two years ago. ”

Utah Family Law, LC | divorceutah.com | 801-466-9277

Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

What Good Parents Need to Know About Child Custody Disputes with an Evil Parent

You hear and read on attorney websites stuff like, “Navigating child custody arrangements during divorce can be challenging.” That’s not the half of it. Child custody disputes with an evil parent are nastier and harder (and orders of magnitude more expensive) than most parents expect or can even imagine. I’m not exaggerating. I am really not exaggerating. Really, I am not exaggerating. Here are some crucial tips to consider for a smoother process.

  • If there is no valid child custody order issued by a court, the police cannot help you “enforce” your “child custody rights”. This is because you have no right to control what the other parent does with the children when it comes to exercising custody. The other parent can deny your requests to spend time with the children. He/she can even deny your requests to call the children on the phone or chat with them over video.

 

o   Even if there is a court order that clearly identifies the child custody and parent-time orders, it’s only as good as the will of the courts and the police to enforce it. Many police departments will either outright refuse to assist you in enforcing the order or will act as if “I can’t understand what the order means, so I can’t help you.”

  • Defend your reputation, your good name, and your parental fitness with everything you have.

o   Courts are afraid of making a mistake when they issue child custody and parent-time orders. Evil parents exploit this fear by accusing innocent, loving parents of terrible traits and acts, so that the court will “protect” the children from them by awarding custody to the other parent and/or restricting parent-time. Mere accusations—if they’re scary enough and skillfully spun—can be enough to force a court’s hand.

o   What kinds of accusations? Abuse! Abuse! Abuse! Physical abuse, sexual abuse, emotional abuse, and substance abuse are the most “successful”.

o   If you are accused wrongfully, defend yourself with everything you have. Point out the dearth of support for the allegations. If you can, get overwhelming amounts of proof in your favor. Live as perfect life as you possibly can. Be as perfect a parent as you can. Sure, it’s unfair unrealistic, but don’t expect the court to be sympathetic with you (especially if you’re a father). Don’t give the court any way to take the path of least resistance, to act “out of an abundance of caution,” or to indulge “better safe than sorry” thinking.

  • Document everything pertaining to the child custody and parent-time awards. Gather as much proof as you possibly can in support of your parental fitness, of your efforts to be there for your children, to spend time with them, to take care of them (feed them, bathe and clothe them, help with homework, play with them, exemplify good morals and values, etc.), so that the court cannot deny your requests without looking biased, ignorant, and/or incompetent.

o   Know what factors the court must consider when making the child custody and parent-time awards, then ensure you satisfy every single one of them beautifully (and if you cannot satisfy them all, explain why, and why that should not disqualify you from being awarded as much custody and parent-time as is in the best interest of the children

  • Here are the factors considered in Utah:
  • In a nutshell: the child’s needs and the parent’s ability to meet them
  • In total:

Utah Code § 30-3-10

–          evidence of domestic violence, neglect, physical abuse, sexual abuse, or emotional abuse, involving the child, the parent, or a household member of the parent;

–          the parent’s demonstrated understanding of, responsiveness to, and ability to meet the developmental needs of the child, including the child’s:

–          physical needs;

–          emotional needs;

–          educational needs;

–          medical needs; and

–          any special needs;

–          the parent’s capacity and willingness to function as a parent, including:

–          parenting skills;

–          co-parenting skills, including:

(A) ability to appropriately communicate with the other parent;

(B) ability to encourage the sharing of love and affection; and

(C) willingness to allow frequent and continuous contact between the child and the other parent, except that, if the court determines that the parent is acting to protect the child from domestic violence, neglect, or abuse, the parent’s protective actions may be taken into consideration; and

–          ability to provide personal care rather than surrogate care;

–          in accordance with Subsection (10), the past conduct and demonstrated moral character of the parent;

–          the emotional stability of the parent;

–          the parent’s inability to function as a parent because of drug abuse, excessive drinking, or other causes;

–          whether the parent has intentionally exposed the child to pornography or material harmful to minors, as “material” and “harmful to minors” are defined in Section 76-10-1201;

–          the parent’s reasons for having relinquished custody or parent-time in the past;

–          duration and depth of desire for custody or parent-time;

–          the parent’s religious compatibility with the child;

–          the parent’s financial responsibility;

–          the child’s interaction and relationship with step-parents, extended family members of other individuals who may significantly affect the child’s best interests;

–          who has been the primary caretaker of the child;

–          previous parenting arrangements in which the child has been happy and well-adjusted in the home, school, and community;

–          the relative benefit of keeping siblings together;

–          the stated wishes and concerns of the child, taking into consideration the child’s cognitive ability and emotional maturity;

–          the relative strength of the child’s bond with the parent, meaning the depth, quality, and nature of the relationship between the parent and the child; and

–          any other factor the court finds relevant.

Utah Code § 30-3-10.2 (when seeking a joint custody award, and “joint custody” does not necessarily mean “equal time”; in Utah means that a parent exercises no less than 111 overnights with the children annually)

–          whether the physical, psychological, and emotional needs and development of the child will benefit from joint legal custody or joint physical custody or both;

–          the ability of the parents to give first priority to the welfare of the child and reach shared decisions in the child’s best interest;

–          co-parenting skills, including:

–          ability to appropriately communicate with the other parent;

–          ability to encourage the sharing of love and affection; and

–          willingness to allow frequent and continuous contact between the child and the other parent, except that, if the court determines that the parent is acting to protect the child from domestic violence, neglect, or abuse, the parent’s protective actions may be taken into consideration; and

–          whether both parents participated in raising the child before the divorce;

–          the geographical proximity of the homes of the parents;

–          the preference of the child if the child is of sufficient age and capacity to reason so as to form an intelligent preference as to joint legal custody or joint physical custody or both;

–          the maturity of the parents and their willingness and ability to protect the child from conflict that may arise between the parents;

–          the past and present ability of the parents to cooperate with each other and make decisions jointly; and

–          any other factor the court finds relevant.

 

Utah Code Section 30-3-34 (this is for determining parent-time, but the factors are equally relevant to the child custody award)

–          whether parent-time would endanger the child’s physical health or mental health, or significantly impair the child’s emotional development;

–          evidence of domestic violence, neglect, physical abuse, sexual abuse, or emotional abuse, involving the child, a parent, or a household member of the parent;

–          the distance between the residency of the child and the noncustodial parent;

–          a credible allegation of child abuse has been made;

–          the lack of demonstrated parenting skills without safeguards to ensure the child’s well-being during parent-time;

–          the financial inability of the noncustodial parent to provide adequate food and shelter for the child during periods of parent-time;

–          the preference of the child if the court determines the child is of sufficient maturity;

–          the incarceration of the noncustodial parent in a county jail, secure youth corrections facility, or an adult corrections facility;

–          shared interests between the child and the noncustodial parent;

–          the involvement or lack of involvement of the noncustodial parent in the school, community, religious, or other related activities of the child;

–          the availability of the noncustodial parent to care for the child when the custodial parent is unavailable to do so because of work or other circumstances;

–          a substantial and chronic pattern of missing, canceling, or denying regularly scheduled parent-time;

–          the minimal duration of and lack of significant bonding in the parents’ relationship before the conception of the child;

–          the parent-time schedule of siblings;

–          the lack of reasonable alternatives to the needs of a nursing child; and

–          any other criteria the court determines relevant to the best interests of the child.

Utah Code Section 30-3-35.2 (when seeking an award of equal physical custody)

–          A court may order the equal parent-time schedule described in this section if the court determines that:

–          the equal parent-time schedule is in the child’s best interest;

–          each parent has been actively involved in the child’s life; and

–          each parent can effectively facilitate the equal parent-time schedule.

–          To determine whether each parent has been actively involved in the child’s life, the court shall consider:

–          each parent’s demonstrated responsibility in caring for the child;

–          each parent’s involvement in child care;

–          each parent’s presence or volunteer efforts in the child’s school and at extracurricular activities;

–          each parent’s assistance with the child’s homework;

–          each parent’s involvement in preparation of meals, bath time, and bedtime for the child;

–          each parent’s bond with the child; and

–          any other factor the court considers relevant.

–          To determine whether each parent can effectively facilitate the equal parent-time schedule, the court shall consider:

–          the geographic distance between the residence of each parent and the distance between each residence and the child’s school;

–          each parent’s ability to assist with the child’s after school care;

–          the health of the child and each parent, consistent with Subsection 30-3-10(6);

–          the flexibility of each parent’s employment or other schedule;

–          each parent’s ability to provide appropriate playtime with the child;

–          each parent’s history and ability to implement a flexible schedule for the child;

–          physical facilities of each parent’s residence; and

–          any other factor the court considers relevant.

o   Be a class act at all times in your dealings with the other parent, no matter how much mud is slung and no matter how uncooperative antagonistic the other parent is. All the goodwill you’ve built up over a lifetime can be discounted and dismissed in an instant with just one angry outburst (no matter how much the other parent had it coming)

o   You do not build yourself up as a parent by tearing or trying to tear the other parent down. Be as honestly complimentary of the other parent as you can. No, don’t deny serious defects and faults, but unless the other parent is truly a monster, don’t try to paint the other parent as one—it’s not only evil, but it can backfire.

Utah Family Law, LC | divorceutah.com | 801-466-9277

Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

Important things divorce attorney clients need to know but would easily and freely be forgiven for not knowing without being told. No. 2:

If your attorney calls you, it’s important. Take the call, and if you can’t take the call, then call back ASAP (meaning same day, and not at 4:47 p.m.). Hours can often make the difference between winning and losing. If your lawyer is desperately trying to get in touch with you in the morning and you don’t respond until later that day, or worse, days later, it may be too late. Really. No, really.

Utah Family Law, LC | divorceutah.com | 801-466-9277

Tags: , , , , , , ,

What advice would you give to someone who has just started a divorce?

What advice would you give to someone who has just become one of the parties in a divorce proceeding?

#1. Know this: divorce law and the divorce process are almost surely not what you think they are. They are scarier, more complex, more confusing, more time-consuming, more expensive, more disappointing, and more discouraging than you can imagine. Ignore my words at your peril. 

#2. Don’t sign anything your spouse asks you to sign without reviewing it with a good divorce lawyer. Don’t let what your spouse tells you about “how it’s gonna be” upset or worry you. Don’t believe him/her when he/she says, “My lawyer says you must ______” or “I have the best lawyer in town.” Most of what your spouse tells you will be lies meant to intimidate, coerce, and dupe you. 

#3. Don’t take friends’ and family members’ advice as as substitute for the advice of a good attorney. Your friends and family members usually mean well, but have no idea what they’re talking about. 

#4. Keep an eye on your valuable things and information. They tend to disappear once a divorce is filed. Secure: 

  • your financial accounts against your spouse draining them; 
  • your important documents (this is not an exhaustive list): 
    • tax records 
    • loan/debt records, loan and credit applications 
    • appraisals/valuations 
    • bank/financial institution records 
    • insurance records 
    • birth certificates 
    • Social Security cards 
    • passports (for you and the kids) 
    • pay stubs 
    • account statements 
    • certificates of title 
    • estate planning records 
    • business records 
    • medical and health care records (for every member of the family) 
    • photographs 
    • your prenuptial or postnuptial agreement, if you have one 
    • etc. 

Inventory everything (take videos and photographs of it all) that you own (both jointly and separately); 

  • make sure your password-protected accounts (e-mail, cell phone, social media, credit cards, bank/financial institution accounts, bills to pay, financial accounts, credit cards, etc.) cannot be accessed by your spouse without your advance knowledge and consent; 
  • route your personal mail to a P.O. Box to which only you have access; 

#5. Don’t act out of fear or anger or revenge. If you do, you may do your case irreparable damage. Keep a cool head. Get a good divorce attorney’s advice. 

#6. Talk to a good divorce lawyer (not just any lawyer, not just any divorce lawyer, but a good divorce lawyer) now. Right now. Not next week. Now. Right now. Pick up the phone and make an appointment with a good divorce lawyer right now. Timing can and usually is crucial in divorce. 

  • The longer you put off speaking with a good divorce lawyer the more you lose (possibly forever) the benefits of knowing what you can and should be doing right now to protect and preserve your interests and those of your children (if you have minor children). 
  • Notice that I did not write “hire a good divorce lawyer right now.” If you can hire a good divorce lawyer right now, do it. The sooner you get competent legal representation the better. No exceptions. 
  • But if you do not have (or falsely believe you do not have) the money to afford a good divorce lawyer, scrape together enough money to meet and confer with a good divorce lawyer for an hour. It will be one of the best investments you ever make. 
    • A good divorce lawyer is not a bulldog. A good divorce lawyer is not a shark. a good divorce lawyer is not someone who is effective at cheating ( as the old Bosnian proverb goes, “He who will lie for you will lie to you.”) A good divorce lawyer is someone with experience, skill, and decency. These kinds of divorce lawyers exist, but are very hard to find. But they are worth finding. If you want your divorce to be less expensive, less time-consuming, and less miserable, find this kind of good divorce lawyer. 

#7. Unless you are young, penniless, childless, and convinced your spouse won’t or can’t hang you out to dry in divorce, don’t go the DIY route. Hire a good divorce lawyer, if at all possible. 

  • If you: 
    • earn money or receive money from other sources 
      • are self-employed 
    • own property of any kind 
    • have money in the bank, investment accounts, or tied up in a pension and/or retirement accounts 
    • have debts and obligations 
    • are financially dependent upon your spouse 
    • have a spouse who is financially dependent on you (in full or in part) 
    • have minor children 
    • are married to a malicious or crazy-malicious person 
      • have been accused of abusing your spouse or children, 

then odds are high that trying to divorce without a good lawyer’s representation throughout the divorce case is going to be absolutely miserable. 

https://megcartersspace.quora.com/What-advice-would-you-give-to-someone-who-has-just-become-one-of-the-parties-in-a-divorce-proceeding-3  

 Utah Family Law, LC | divorceutah.com | 801-466-9277   

Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

What’s the best divorce advice?

If you did everything you could to ensure that your marriage got off to the best start possible, but divorce has reared its ugly head through no fault of your own, the best thing you can do when you get ambushed by divorce is to go see a good (a good, not just any) divorce lawyer as soon as possible to learn about the divorce process and find out what you must do to succeed in going through the divorce process.

It’s all but impossible to go through divorce unscathed, but there are many other things you can do to ensure that you do not get unnecessarily burned by divorce.

And talking to a good divorce lawyer as soon you believe it may be wise is the best advice I can possibly give as a first step.

My other form of the best divorce advice is for those who are contemplating marriage and wanting to avoid divorce: make sure that you are sufficiently mature and emotionally prepared and disciplined to take that step and stick with the commitment. You do not have to be perfect, you don’t have to be invincible, but you do have to be prepared to experience married life, both its agonies as well as its ecstasies. People in successful marriages will tell you it has not always been easy and that it has been heartbreaking at times, but on balance it is far more of a benefit than a burden. Still, to be successful in marriage means you must be prepared to pay the costs a good marriage demands.

Our divorce rate of around 50% is far too high. Many people believe that leaving their current marriage to find a better relationship is the solution. It’s not. If you’re miserable in your current relationship, and you’re not married to a physically or emotionally abusive spouse, the problems in the marriage are likely of you and your spouse’s own creation, and only you and your spouse can fix them together. It is much easier to repair a struggling but otherwise viable marriage than it is to go through destroying that marriage and trying to start over again.

Utah Family Law, LC | divorceutah.com | 801-466-9277

https://www.quora.com/What-s-the-best-divorce-advice/answer/Eric-Johnson-311

Tags: ,

What is the best website to obtain advice from a divorce lawyer in the USA?

What is the best website to obtain advice from a divorce lawyer in the USA?

You have an embarrassment of riches available to you, if you’re looking for good legal information.

Good, popular sources:

nolo.com

avvo.com

lawqa.com

There are, however, no websites I know of that dispense legal advice. To get legal advice, you need to confer with an actual lawyer about your actual circumstances.

Utah Family Law, LC | divorceutah.com | 801-466-9277

https://www.quora.com/What-is-the-best-website-to-obtain-advice-from-a-divorce-lawyer-in-the-USA/answer/Eric-Johnson-311

Tags: , , , ,
Click to listen highlighted text!