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Tag: divorce proceedings

How do I enforce my husband’s promise to hire an attorney for me in our divorce?

If by this question you mean to state that your husband told you he would pay for your attorney in the divorce action between the two of you, that could turn out various ways.

If you claim that your husband told you he would pay for your attorney in the divorce action, have nothing recorded (nothing in writing, no audio recording), and your husband denies it, then it’s a matter of your word against his, and you would likely not get the court to order your husband to pay your attorney’s fees on those grounds (and even if you did have it in writing or audio recorded, the court might still rule that the mere promise to pay isn’t enforceable). You might still have other grounds for getting the court to order your husband to pay your attorney’s fees, however.

In Utah, for example, where I practice divorce and family law, we have this provision of the Utah Code:

30-3-3. Award of costs, attorney and witness fees — Temporary alimony.

(1) In any action filed under Title 30, Chapter 3, Divorce, Chapter 4, Separate Maintenance, or Title 78B, Chapter 7, Part 6, Cohabitant Abuse Protective Orders, and in any action to establish an order of custody, parent-time, child support, alimony, or division of property in a domestic case, the court may order a party to pay the costs, attorney fees, and witness fees, including expert witness fees, of the other party to enable the other party to prosecute or defend the action. The order may include provision for costs of the action.

Utah Family Law, LC | divorceutah.com | 801-466-9277

https://www.quora.com/How-do-I-enforce-my-husband-to-hire-me-an-attorney-in-our-divorce/answer/Eric-Johnson-311?prompt_topic_bio=1

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Dirty Tricks to Watch Out for in Divorce

I often encounter sneaky spouses who after separation and/or after a divorce action has been filed, start sending text messages and emails to the other spouse making false claims like:

  • “Where did you take my _____” or
  • “Why did you take my _____” or
  • “Bring back my _____ that you took/stole” or
  • “Why did you give away or sell or destroy my _____.”

The items of property mentioned are either safely in the lying spouse’s possession or don’t exist at all. So why make such false claims?

To obtain ill-gotten judgments for money against the innocent spouse for “taking, hiding, destroying, selling, or giving these items away. When spouses who engage in such shenanigans succeed, it’s usually because the innocent spouse takes a “I won’t legitimize your bogus claims with a response.” But that’s exactly the trap into which the lying spouse wants you to fall. Because when you don’t respond, your spouse can then claim “See, my spouse doesn’t deny it!” ‘Think this doesn’t happen? ‘Think it doesn’t work? Think again. Don’t let this happen to you. If your spouse start making such false claims to or against you, respond immediately and unequivocally AND IN WRITING (e-mail is best for this, but text message is OK too—make sure you keep the written record that shows the date and time you sent it to your spouse):

  • “I did not take your _____. It’s in the garage right where you left it.”
  • “There is nothing to bring back because I did not take your _____. It’s in the garage right where you left it.”
  • “I did not give away or sell or destroy your _____ because you don’t own any such thing and never have.”
  • “I did not give away or sell or destroy your _____ because you gave that away to the thrift store two years ago. ”

Utah Family Law, LC | divorceutah.com | 801-466-9277

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What Good Parents Need to Know About Child Custody Disputes with an Evil Parent

You hear and read on attorney websites stuff like, “Navigating child custody arrangements during divorce can be challenging.” That’s not the half of it. Child custody disputes with an evil parent are nastier and harder (and orders of magnitude more expensive) than most parents expect or can even imagine. I’m not exaggerating. I am really not exaggerating. Really, I am not exaggerating. Here are some crucial tips to consider for a smoother process.

  • If there is no valid child custody order issued by a court, the police cannot help you “enforce” your “child custody rights”. This is because you have no right to control what the other parent does with the children when it comes to exercising custody. The other parent can deny your requests to spend time with the children. He/she can even deny your requests to call the children on the phone or chat with them over video.

 

o   Even if there is a court order that clearly identifies the child custody and parent-time orders, it’s only as good as the will of the courts and the police to enforce it. Many police departments will either outright refuse to assist you in enforcing the order or will act as if “I can’t understand what the order means, so I can’t help you.”

  • Defend your reputation, your good name, and your parental fitness with everything you have.

o   Courts are afraid of making a mistake when they issue child custody and parent-time orders. Evil parents exploit this fear by accusing innocent, loving parents of terrible traits and acts, so that the court will “protect” the children from them by awarding custody to the other parent and/or restricting parent-time. Mere accusations—if they’re scary enough and skillfully spun—can be enough to force a court’s hand.

o   What kinds of accusations? Abuse! Abuse! Abuse! Physical abuse, sexual abuse, emotional abuse, and substance abuse are the most “successful”.

o   If you are accused wrongfully, defend yourself with everything you have. Point out the dearth of support for the allegations. If you can, get overwhelming amounts of proof in your favor. Live as perfect life as you possibly can. Be as perfect a parent as you can. Sure, it’s unfair unrealistic, but don’t expect the court to be sympathetic with you (especially if you’re a father). Don’t give the court any way to take the path of least resistance, to act “out of an abundance of caution,” or to indulge “better safe than sorry” thinking.

  • Document everything pertaining to the child custody and parent-time awards. Gather as much proof as you possibly can in support of your parental fitness, of your efforts to be there for your children, to spend time with them, to take care of them (feed them, bathe and clothe them, help with homework, play with them, exemplify good morals and values, etc.), so that the court cannot deny your requests without looking biased, ignorant, and/or incompetent.

o   Know what factors the court must consider when making the child custody and parent-time awards, then ensure you satisfy every single one of them beautifully (and if you cannot satisfy them all, explain why, and why that should not disqualify you from being awarded as much custody and parent-time as is in the best interest of the children

  • Here are the factors considered in Utah:
  • In a nutshell: the child’s needs and the parent’s ability to meet them
  • In total:

Utah Code § 30-3-10

–          evidence of domestic violence, neglect, physical abuse, sexual abuse, or emotional abuse, involving the child, the parent, or a household member of the parent;

–          the parent’s demonstrated understanding of, responsiveness to, and ability to meet the developmental needs of the child, including the child’s:

–          physical needs;

–          emotional needs;

–          educational needs;

–          medical needs; and

–          any special needs;

–          the parent’s capacity and willingness to function as a parent, including:

–          parenting skills;

–          co-parenting skills, including:

(A) ability to appropriately communicate with the other parent;

(B) ability to encourage the sharing of love and affection; and

(C) willingness to allow frequent and continuous contact between the child and the other parent, except that, if the court determines that the parent is acting to protect the child from domestic violence, neglect, or abuse, the parent’s protective actions may be taken into consideration; and

–          ability to provide personal care rather than surrogate care;

–          in accordance with Subsection (10), the past conduct and demonstrated moral character of the parent;

–          the emotional stability of the parent;

–          the parent’s inability to function as a parent because of drug abuse, excessive drinking, or other causes;

–          whether the parent has intentionally exposed the child to pornography or material harmful to minors, as “material” and “harmful to minors” are defined in Section 76-10-1201;

–          the parent’s reasons for having relinquished custody or parent-time in the past;

–          duration and depth of desire for custody or parent-time;

–          the parent’s religious compatibility with the child;

–          the parent’s financial responsibility;

–          the child’s interaction and relationship with step-parents, extended family members of other individuals who may significantly affect the child’s best interests;

–          who has been the primary caretaker of the child;

–          previous parenting arrangements in which the child has been happy and well-adjusted in the home, school, and community;

–          the relative benefit of keeping siblings together;

–          the stated wishes and concerns of the child, taking into consideration the child’s cognitive ability and emotional maturity;

–          the relative strength of the child’s bond with the parent, meaning the depth, quality, and nature of the relationship between the parent and the child; and

–          any other factor the court finds relevant.

Utah Code § 30-3-10.2 (when seeking a joint custody award, and “joint custody” does not necessarily mean “equal time”; in Utah means that a parent exercises no less than 111 overnights with the children annually)

–          whether the physical, psychological, and emotional needs and development of the child will benefit from joint legal custody or joint physical custody or both;

–          the ability of the parents to give first priority to the welfare of the child and reach shared decisions in the child’s best interest;

–          co-parenting skills, including:

–          ability to appropriately communicate with the other parent;

–          ability to encourage the sharing of love and affection; and

–          willingness to allow frequent and continuous contact between the child and the other parent, except that, if the court determines that the parent is acting to protect the child from domestic violence, neglect, or abuse, the parent’s protective actions may be taken into consideration; and

–          whether both parents participated in raising the child before the divorce;

–          the geographical proximity of the homes of the parents;

–          the preference of the child if the child is of sufficient age and capacity to reason so as to form an intelligent preference as to joint legal custody or joint physical custody or both;

–          the maturity of the parents and their willingness and ability to protect the child from conflict that may arise between the parents;

–          the past and present ability of the parents to cooperate with each other and make decisions jointly; and

–          any other factor the court finds relevant.

 

Utah Code Section 30-3-34 (this is for determining parent-time, but the factors are equally relevant to the child custody award)

–          whether parent-time would endanger the child’s physical health or mental health, or significantly impair the child’s emotional development;

–          evidence of domestic violence, neglect, physical abuse, sexual abuse, or emotional abuse, involving the child, a parent, or a household member of the parent;

–          the distance between the residency of the child and the noncustodial parent;

–          a credible allegation of child abuse has been made;

–          the lack of demonstrated parenting skills without safeguards to ensure the child’s well-being during parent-time;

–          the financial inability of the noncustodial parent to provide adequate food and shelter for the child during periods of parent-time;

–          the preference of the child if the court determines the child is of sufficient maturity;

–          the incarceration of the noncustodial parent in a county jail, secure youth corrections facility, or an adult corrections facility;

–          shared interests between the child and the noncustodial parent;

–          the involvement or lack of involvement of the noncustodial parent in the school, community, religious, or other related activities of the child;

–          the availability of the noncustodial parent to care for the child when the custodial parent is unavailable to do so because of work or other circumstances;

–          a substantial and chronic pattern of missing, canceling, or denying regularly scheduled parent-time;

–          the minimal duration of and lack of significant bonding in the parents’ relationship before the conception of the child;

–          the parent-time schedule of siblings;

–          the lack of reasonable alternatives to the needs of a nursing child; and

–          any other criteria the court determines relevant to the best interests of the child.

Utah Code Section 30-3-35.2 (when seeking an award of equal physical custody)

–          A court may order the equal parent-time schedule described in this section if the court determines that:

–          the equal parent-time schedule is in the child’s best interest;

–          each parent has been actively involved in the child’s life; and

–          each parent can effectively facilitate the equal parent-time schedule.

–          To determine whether each parent has been actively involved in the child’s life, the court shall consider:

–          each parent’s demonstrated responsibility in caring for the child;

–          each parent’s involvement in child care;

–          each parent’s presence or volunteer efforts in the child’s school and at extracurricular activities;

–          each parent’s assistance with the child’s homework;

–          each parent’s involvement in preparation of meals, bath time, and bedtime for the child;

–          each parent’s bond with the child; and

–          any other factor the court considers relevant.

–          To determine whether each parent can effectively facilitate the equal parent-time schedule, the court shall consider:

–          the geographic distance between the residence of each parent and the distance between each residence and the child’s school;

–          each parent’s ability to assist with the child’s after school care;

–          the health of the child and each parent, consistent with Subsection 30-3-10(6);

–          the flexibility of each parent’s employment or other schedule;

–          each parent’s ability to provide appropriate playtime with the child;

–          each parent’s history and ability to implement a flexible schedule for the child;

–          physical facilities of each parent’s residence; and

–          any other factor the court considers relevant.

o   Be a class act at all times in your dealings with the other parent, no matter how much mud is slung and no matter how uncooperative antagonistic the other parent is. All the goodwill you’ve built up over a lifetime can be discounted and dismissed in an instant with just one angry outburst (no matter how much the other parent had it coming)

o   You do not build yourself up as a parent by tearing or trying to tear the other parent down. Be as honestly complimentary of the other parent as you can. No, don’t deny serious defects and faults, but unless the other parent is truly a monster, don’t try to paint the other parent as one—it’s not only evil, but it can backfire.

Utah Family Law, LC | divorceutah.com | 801-466-9277

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Divorce and Social Media By Braxton Mounteer

Most people fundamentally misunderstand what the Internet and social media are. Many believe that social media is a web of interconnections where you can send and receive updates about your life or the lives of people you are involved in with those who are connected to you. This is completely true, but not truly complete. Social media is like what happens when groups of people chat around campfires in the dark in close proximity to each other. The sound travels. Every other group can hear what you and your friends are discussing around your campfire. So can the things hiding in the woods.

Another thing that people misunderstand is that what is posted on social media is a nearly permanent record. Every post you make might as well be etched into stone. There will almost always be a record of it somewhere, whether you delete it from your personal account.

What does this have to do with divorce? Your social media activity isn’t a tiny echo chamber of your inner circle or your personal diary. You aren’t screaming into the void. If you air your dirty laundry on social media, there will likely be a permanent record of it, and—for anyone who tries hard enough—for prying eyes and ears to access.

What you do and say online can be used against you. And it likely will be used against you.

You would be best served by keeping your online “mouth” shut. Keep your social media “business as usual,” post the updates about your children’s milestones and major life achievements that you normally would. Post the funny meme. But don’t bash your spouse online. Don’t pour your heart out about your personal vices and demons online. Don’t discuss your divorce or subjects that can affect your divorce online. Some things are better left unsaid.

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I Filed Exhibits Electronically. The Court Clerk Has Returned Them for Not Having Exhibit Stickers on Them. I Can’t Find a Store in My Area That Carries the Stickers. Would the PDF Exhibit Stickers Meet Court Requirements, or Should I Order Some?

When in doubt, ask the court clerk. If the clerk won’t answer your question or you don’t believe the clerk’s response is accurate (or honest), find the rule (if there is one) governing the marking of exhibits to see if the rule addresses and resolves the question. If that doesn’t work, call or meet with one or more experienced lawyers who may from their own personal experience know the answer to your question.

 

Utah Family Law, LC | divorceutah.com | 801-466-9277

Eric Johnson’s answer to I filed exhibits electronically. The court clerk has returned them for not having exhibit stickers on them. I can’t find a store in my area that carries the stickers. Would the PDF exhibit stickers meet court requirements, or should I order some? – Quora

 

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Do I have to pay the court to go to trial?

Do I have to pay the court to go to trial?

I am a divorce and family lawyer. I was asked this question and was a little surprised that this wasn’t widely known: 

In Utah, do I have to pay the courthouse and/or the judge or courthouse personnel for every day my divorce or child custody trial takes place?  

Answer: No.  

You are charged nothing for use of the courthouse, judge, and courthouse personnel for your trial, no matter how long the trial is set to take. 

Utah Family Law, LC | divorceutah.com | 801-466-9277  

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Can a divorced spouse claim rights to a previous primary residence?

Can a divorced spouse claim rights to a previous primary residence?

A court can, in exceptional circumstances, award a spouse some or all of your premarital and separate property that is clearly not a marital asset. In the jurisdiction where I practice family law (Utah), the rule in caselaw is:

Dunn v. Dunn, 802 P.2d 1314 (Utah Ct.App. 1990):

The general rule is that equity requires that each party retain the separate property he or she brought into the marriage, including any appreciation of the separate property. Burt v. Burt, 799 P.2d 1166, 1168 (Utah Ct.App.1990) (separate property, in this case inherited property, includes “its appreciated value” during the marriage). Exceptions to this general rule include whether the property has been commingled, whether the other spouse has by his or her efforts augmented, maintained, or protected the separate property, and whether the distribution achieves a fair, just, and equitable result. Id.; Noble v. Noble, 761 P.2d 1369, 1373 (Utah 1988).

Elman v. Elman, 245 P.3d 176 (Utah Ct.App. 2002):

In distributing property in divorce proceedings, trial courts are first required to properly categorize the parties’ property as marital or separate. See, e.g., Kelley v. Kelley, 2000 UT App 236,¶ 24, 9 P.3d 171. Generally, trial courts are also required to award premarital property, and appreciation on that property, to the spouse who brought the property into the marriage. See Dunn v. Dunn, 802 P.2d 1314, 1320 (Utah Ct.App.1990); see also Mortensen v. Mortensen, 760 P.2d 304, 308 (Utah 1988).

6¶ 19 However, separate property is not “totally beyond [a] court’s reach in an equitable property division.” Burt v. Burt, 799 P.2d 1166, 1169 (Utah Ct.App.1990). The court may award the separate property of one spouse to the other spouse in “ ‘extraordinary situations where equity so demands.’ ” Id. (quoting Mortensen, 760 P.2d at 308); see also Rappleye v. Rappleye, 855 P.2d 260, 263 (Utah Ct.App.1993) (“ ‘Exceptions to this general rule include whether … the distribution achieves a fair, just, and equitable result.’ ” (quoting Dunn, 802 P.2d at 1320)).

Utah Family Law, LC | divorceutah.com | 801-466-9277

https://www.quora.com/Can-a-divorced-spouse-claim-rights-to-a-previous-primary-residence/answer/Eric-Johnson-311

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Can a divorced spouse claim rights to a premarital primary residence?

Can a divorced spouse claim rights to a premarital primary residence?

A court can, in exceptional circumstances, award a spouse some or all of your premarital and separate property that is clearly not a marital asset. In the jurisdiction where I practice family law (Utah), the rule in caselaw is:

Dunn v. Dunn, 802 P.2d 1314 (Utah Ct.App. 1990):

The general rule is that equity requires that each party retain the separate property he or she brought into the marriage, including any appreciation of the separate property. Burt v. Burt, 799 P.2d 1166, 1168 (Utah Ct.App.1990) (separate property, in this case inherited property, includes “its appreciated value” during the marriage). Exceptions to this general rule include whether the property has been commingled, whether the other spouse has by his or her efforts augmented, maintained, or protected the separate property, and whether the distribution achieves a fair, just, and equitable result. Id.; Noble v. Noble, 761 P.2d 1369, 1373 (Utah 1988).

Elman v. Elman, 245 P.3d 176 (Utah Ct.App. 2002):

In distributing property in divorce proceedings, trial courts are first required to properly categorize the parties’ property as marital or separate. See, e.g., Kelley v. Kelley, 2000 UT App 236,¶ 24, 9 P.3d 171. Generally, trial courts are also required to award premarital property, and appreciation on that property, to the spouse who brought the property into the marriage. See Dunn v. Dunn, 802 P.2d 1314, 1320 (Utah Ct.App.1990); see also Mortensen v. Mortensen, 760 P.2d 304, 308 (Utah 1988).

6¶ 19 However, separate property is not “totally beyond [a] court’s reach in an equitable property division.” Burt v. Burt, 799 P.2d 1166, 1169 (Utah Ct.App.1990). The court may award the separate property of one spouse to the other spouse in “ ‘extraordinary situations where equity so demands.’ ” Id. (quoting Mortensen, 760 P.2d at 308); see also Rappleye v. Rappleye, 855 P.2d 260, 263 (Utah Ct.App.1993) (“ ‘Exceptions to this general rule include whether … the distribution achieves a fair, just, and equitable result.’ ” (quoting Dunn, 802 P.2d at 1320)).

Utah Family Law, LC | divorceutah.com | 801-466-9277

https://www.quora.com/Can-a-divorced-spouse-claim-rights-to-a-previous-primary-residence/answer/Eric-Johnson-311

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Can I sell or trade in the family car while divorce proceedings are pending?

Can I sell or trade in the family car while divorce proceedings are pending?

How would a spouse in process of divorce go about trading her van that is in both spouses name, if the other spouse is uncooperative? Would surrendering her van to the bank be an alternative?

If you owe more on the van than it is worth and don’t depend upon the van for essential transportation needs, then if you were to sell the van such that you’d be left with just the loan deficiency (the difference between the amount the van was worth or sold for and the remaining balance of the loan), you’d probably not be punished. It would be hard for anyone to argue or for a court to conclude that by getting rid of a van worth less than the loan encumbering it you destroyed, dissipated, or diminished an “asset” that had a negative value. And if your spouse agrees (get it in writing!) you can sell the van, you’re fully in the clear.

Bear in mind, however, that many states have an “ATRO” rule (automatic temporary restraining order) that provides that in every divorce action that concerns the division of property then neither party may transfer, encumber, conceal, or dispose of any property of either party without the written consent of the other party or an order of the court, except in the usual course of business or to provide for the necessities of life. Violation of this rule can result in you being sanctioned for contempt of court. Other states that don’t have ATROs in divorce cases can still provide for the judge to enter a restraining order at the outset of a divorce case that, among other things, restrains you and your spouse from transferring or disposing of any marital property without the written consent of the other party or an order of the court.

Also bear in mind that if your credit is already bad and you won’t be able to qualify for a new loan for a replacement vehicle, you may be better off paying the loan for a vehicle you have in hand. And if 1) your spouse depended on using that van to get to work or the doctor or the store, etc., 2) your spouse does not want the van sold, and 3) by selling the van you would deprive your spouse of his/her only means of transportation, the court would likely frown on that and order you to provide or pay for a replacement vehicle.

The safest way to sell off the van or trade the van in for a different vehicle is to move the court (file a motion with the court) for permission to sell the van or trade the van in for a different vehicle. Now just because you filed the motion does not necessarily mean the court will grant that motion.

Utah Family Law, LC | divorceutah.com | 801-466-9277

https://www.quora.com/How-would-a-spouse-in-process-of-divorce-go-about-trading-her-van-that-is-in-both-spouses-name-if-the-other-spouse-is-uncooperative-Would-surrendering-her-van-to-the-bank-be-an-alternative/answer/Eric-Johnson-311

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