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Tag: emotional health

Is it wrong for a parent to go to their adult child for emotional support?

Is it wrong for a parent to go to their adult child for emotional support concerning the parent’s marriage?

I am a divorce and family lawyer and a parent, but I am not a mental health professional. That doesn’t mean I can’t have an opinion on this subject or that my opinion won’t prove valuable, but it needs to be given the weight of a legal professional, not a mental health professional. 

When my mother died at age 63, I’m sure it was a comfort to her and to my father that her youngest child was an adult (albeit just barely; he was 18) and that he had his father and 8 older siblings to support him and to support one another. I know my father was grateful to have his children rally around him and support him in his loss and grief. Being an appropriate emotional support for a widowed parent in need is as much a child’s obligation as it is an honor. I don’t see why it should be any different for a divorced parent.  

We all know or will know people who are codependent. They need love and emotional support as much as anyone else. The problem with codependents are that they feel an excessive, pathological desire or need for others’ emotional and psychological support. Divorce is often the result of or the creation of a parent or parents who are codependent in relation to their children.  

So to answer your question: no, it is clearly not wrong for a parent to go to their adult children for emotional support over a troubled marriage, as long as that parent is seeking appropriate emotional support from his/her child(ren). 

Utah Family Law, LC | divorceutah.com | 801-466-9277  

https://www.quora.com/Is-it-wrong-for-a-parent-to-go-to-their-adult-child-for-emotional-support-concerning-the-parent-s-marriage/answer/Eric-Johnson-311

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What would you do if your child’s father who is only entitled to supervised visitation filed for a modification of a court order so a family member you don’t approve of could supervise visits?

What would you do if your child’s father who is only entitled to supervised visitation filed for a modification of a court order so a family member you don’t approve of could supervise visits?

Here’s what I would do:

First, remember that merely claiming that the proposed visitation supervisor poses a clear and serious danger to the child’s mental or emotional health without having proof or some highly credible evidence does not simply make for a weak argument, it could call your credibility into question.

  • I would first ask: if you have proof or highly credible evidence that there anything about this proposed visitation supervisor that poses a clear and factual (or at least credible) danger to the child’s life, safety, or health.
    • If the answer is “yes,” then you probably have at least one very good argument against having this person approved as a visitation supervisor.
  • If the answer is “no,” then I would ask if there anything about this proposed visitation supervisor that poses a clear and factual (or at least credible) danger to the life, safety, or health of the other parent or of anyone else?
    • If the answer is “yes,” then you probably have at least one very good argument against having this person approved as a visitation supervisor.
  • If the answer is “no,” then I would ask: if there anything about this proposed visitation supervisor that poses a clear and factual (or at least credible) danger to the child’s mental or emotional health?
    • If the answer is “yes,” then you probably have at least one very good argument against having this person approved as a visitation supervisor.
  • If the answer is “no,” then I would ask if there is anything about this proposed visitation supervisor that poses a clear and factual (or at least credible) danger to the mental or emotional health of the other parent or of anyone else?
    • If the answer is “yes,” then you probably have at least one very good argument against having this person approved as a visitation supervisor.
  • If the answer is “no,” then I would ask if there is anything about the proposed supervisor that indicates he/she is not available to provide supervision as needed and/or cannot provide supervision responsibly and reliably.
    • If the answer is “yes,” then you probably have at least one very good argument against having this person approved as a visitation supervisor.
  • If the answer is “no,” then I would likely see no point to objecting to the proposed supervisor because I would have no valid argument against the appointment of this supervisor.

Utah Family Law, LC | divorceutah.com | 801-466-9277

https://www.quora.com/What-would-you-do-if-your-childs-father-who-is-only-entitled-to-supervised-visitation-filed-for-a-modification-of-a-court-order-so-a-family-member-you-dont-approve-of-could-supervise-visits/answer/Eric-Johnson-311

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Can the other parent send someone I’ve never met to pickups and drop-offs for our child?

Can the other parent send someone I’ve never met to pickups and drop-offs for our child?

Can the other parent send someone I’ve never met to pickups and drop-offs for our child when custody order only lists the parents? What would I file with the court to contest this? Would the court just add that person to the order?

Before I address your questions, I suggest you honestly examine the bases for your concerns. Are you honestly worried about this situation, or do you see an opportunity to denigrate your ex and make trouble for your ex in court?

So you’re asking at least three questions here.

First, can the other parent send someone you have never met to pick up or drop off your child when the court’s order states identifies no one other than the parents as the ones who pick up and drop off the child for custody and parent-time exchanges? The answer: If the order can be interpreted or construed to provide that the parents certainly can pick up and drop off, but that permission or authorization to pick up or drop off the child is not limited solely to the parents, then a parent can have someone else to pick up or drop off the child. On the other hand, if the order can be interpreted or construed to provide that permission or authorization to pick up or drop off the child is restricted solely to the parents, then you could argue that if one of the parents fails to pick up or drop off the child personally and instead sends someone else to pick up or drop off the child, that parent is violating the court’s order.

Your next question was: what would I file with the court to contest this? Well, obviously if the court order allows for persons other than the parents to pick up or drop off the child, there would be little point to complaining to the court about it unless you could demonstrate that the person or people the other parent is designating to pick up or drop off the child is harming, attempting to harm, or threatening to harm the child in some significant way.

If the court order prohibits persons other than the parents to pick up or drop off the child, you are wise to ask whether it’s worth the time, effort, hassle, risk, and money to do so if all the other parent is likely to do is file a motion or petition to authorize people other than the parents to pick up or drop off the child. If there is no statute in your jurisdiction that prohibits persons other than parents to facilitate custody or parent-time pickups and drop-offs, if the parent can show that he or she has a legitimate need for the help with pickups and drop offs, and if the person or persons who are not parents but who are picking up or dropping off the child is or are responsible adults who are doing a good job with pickups and drop-offs and doing neither the child nor the parent any harm, you need to ask yourself whether complaining to the court is fair and reasonable for you to do. If the only reason you want to complain is because you like to stir the pot and/or try to cause your ex trouble with the court, you should re-think that position.

https://www.quora.com/Can-parent-send-someone-Ive-never-met-to-custody-drop-off-and-pick-ups-of-our-child-when-custody-order-only-lists-the-parents-What-would-I-file-with-the-court-to-contest-this-Would-the-court-just-add-that-person-to/answer/Eric-Johnson-311?prompt_topic_bio=1

Utah Family Law, LC | divorceutah.com | 801-466-9277

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How exactly does shared custody work? Does the child end up being like that kid from Jacqueline Wilson’s “The Suitcase Kid”?

How exactly does shared custody work? Does the child end up being like that kid from Jacqueline Wilson’s “The Suitcase Kid”?

The child certainly can be like the child (Andrea) from Jacqueline Wilson’s “The Suitcase Kid,” if under a shared parenting arrangement 1) the child divides his/her time living with both the father and mother and 2) each parent wants the child to live only with him/her and tries to persuade the child to do so.

But shared custody (also known as joint custody or—when the child spends equal time with both parents—joint equal or 50/50 custody) does not inexorably condemn the child to have a “Suitcase Kid” experience, as long as the parents place the happiness and mental and emotional health of the child above the parents’ respective self-interest. Treat your child the way you would want to be treated, were you in the child’s shoes!

It’s not popular these days to state what we all know: the best thing a fit parent can do for a child is to rear that child in a family in which that parent is married happily to the child’s other parent. Short of that, the next best thing a fit parent can do for a child is to ensure the child is reared as much as possible by both parents. Children of fit parents love both parents and want to be loved and cared for by both parents as much as possible (duh). Do it for them! They deserve it. It’s the least that divorced or separated parents can do for their children.

Utah Family Law, LC | divorceutah.com | 801-466-9277

https://www.quora.com/How-exactly-does-shared-custody-work-Does-the-child-end-up-being-like-that-kid-from-Jacqueline-Wilsons-The-Suitcase-Kid/answer/Eric-Johnson-311

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New laws from 2019 Utah Legislative Session – Section 30-3-34

Welcome back to our feature on new laws from the 2019 Utah Legislative Session.

In 2019 the legislature amended section 30-3-34. That code section provides that a noncustodial parent will be awarded according to the statutory minimum schedule unless a parent can establish by a preponderance of the evidence that more or less parent-time should be awarded. In the 2019 legislative session the legislature added some new criteria for determining whether parent time should be greater or less than the statutory minimum.

One of the new criteria is whether “parent-time would endanger the child’s mental health.” Until 2019 the criteria was simply whether parent time would endanger the child’s physical health or significantly impair the child’s emotional development. The amended code section neither defines what mental health is nor what constitutes endangerment of a child’s mental health. I’m sure the appellate courts will love that.

And there’s more. Additional new criteria include “evidence of domestic violence, neglect, physical abuse, sexual abuse, or emotional abuse, involving the child, a parent, or a household member of the parent” and “a credible allegation of child abuse has been made.” While I think we can all agree on a sensible definition of domestic violence, neglect, physical abuse, and sexual abuse, the legislature did not define what “emotional abuse” is or means. I’m going to go out on a limb here and predict that emotional abuse will now be one of the most popular stated bases for arguing over child custody and parent time. Why?

Because emotional abuse is all but impossible to identify or quantify objectively. Human beings are suckers for sad stories, and judges and court commissioners are human beings. So go ahead, accuse your spouse of emotional abuse. At this point, it can mean whatever you want. Adding “emotional abuse” as a criteria for determining child custody and parent time is an invitation to abuse the very term. Again, I’m sure the appellate courts are both impressed with this feat of statutory draftsmanship and thrilled at the prospects for appellate review in the years to come. Here’s the link to Section 30-3-34.

Utah Family Law, LC | divorceutah.com | 801-466-9277

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