Tag: forgiveness

Important things divorce attorney clients need to know but would easily and freely be forgiven for not knowing without being told. No. 3:

The documents your attorney tells you that you must prepare for your case are, in fact, documents that you must prepare for your case. Failure to prepare them and to prepare them fully and accurately can and likely will result in severe damage to your case and you.

Utah Family Law, LC | | 801-466-9277

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After a divorce, is it possible to stay friends with your now ex-in-laws?

After a bitter divorce, is it possible to stay on friendly terms with your now ex-in-laws?

Likely? No. But that doesn’t mean you should abandon hope.

Indeed, some divorces end with the in-laws siding with you, not your spouse. This doesn’t happen very often, but maybe it will occur in your situation.

Frankly, you and your in-laws are not expected to remain on the same terms as when you were married to their son or daughter.

Mature people understand that with the end of a marriage comes the end of the in-law relationship as well. They know and accept that we all experience some bitter disappointments of one kind or another along the road of life. They don’t let these misfortunes fester.

There are at least two imperatives for why you should do your best to live the Golden Rule with your ex in-laws (assuming that your ex in-laws are not physical or emotional dangers to themselves or others):

  • it’s your moral obligation; and
  • holding grudges, denying forgiveness, and indulging in hypocritical self-righteousness only hurts yourself. Besides, if you aren’t gracious there can be no hope of maintaining a friendly relationship with your ex in-laws, if you want such a relationship.
    • and if you have children (who are, like it or not, your ex in-laws grandchildren and always will be), treating them shabbily only teaches your children to treat others the same way.

Utah Family Law, LC | | 801-466-9277

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Why do people in the United States get divorced so much? 40-50% sounds so extreme.

Why do people in the United States get divorced so much? A 40-50% divorce rate sounds so extreme.

First, know up front that there are, of course, some people who not only can clearly and in good conscience justify getting divorced. Still, the divorce rate is so high—too high—in the U.S. The main reason why is, in my experienced opinion, because we have a serious character problem in this country that is only getting worse. We drive Judeo Christian values out of virtually every public forum so that virtually no one is taught—let alone held to—public virtues and values of honesty, courage, the work ethic, charity, sacrifice for the greater good, education, humility, love, forgiveness, and personal responsibility. A marriage consisting of one or two people who don’t know and apply these values is doomed.

Of course there are some people who not only can clearly and in good conscience justify getting divorced. Good character does not require that one suffer perpetual violence and/or emotional abuse or put up with a spouse who neglects to care for his/her spouse and children, is unfaithful, habitually drunk or high, a or criminal (to name the most obvious reasons for divorce).

But far, far too many people divorce simply as a matter of personal preference, failing to understand that marriage takes all that good character requires. Honesty, patience, sacrifice, humility, love, forgiveness, and work, both inside and outside the home. A marriage consisting of one or two people who don’t know and apply these values is doomed, and most divorces that aren’t based upon real, serious fault of the other spouse and are instead a matter of seeming convenience don’t leave one (or the children of one’s destroyed family) better off.

Utah Family Law, LC | | 801-466-9277

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Hypothetically speaking, would you divorce over adultery, if you have kids?

Not simply because of an affair, no.

It is certainly understandable if one desires to divorce a spouse who has committed adultery. The law understands this as well, which is why adultery is grounds for divorce in every state in this country.

But neither the law nor the Judeo-Christian religions mandate divorce in the event of adultery. Even most areligious people agree that adultery does not necessitate divorce. Indeed, public policy, every religious creed I know of, and the mental health care community discourage divorce generally, even if there may be a “fault” basis for divorce. Why might that be?

Adultery will almost always shake the innocent spouse’s trust in the adulterer. Adultery can so deeply hurt and anger the innocent spouse as to make him or her feel that forgiveness is impossible.

Some adulterers are unrepentant. They are therefore impossible to trust. Worse, their promiscuity poses a literal threat to the health and life of the innocent spouse. Their chronic infidelity raises the realistic specter of abandonment of the innocent spouse and children, if there are any. Clearly, there are situations in which adultery may be reason enough for divorce.

Almost every divorce, however, will harm children. Even the end of a dysfunctional marriage leaves children feeling unmoored, betrayed, rejected, and insecure. Sometimes a divorce is necessary for the children’s immediate and long-term safety and well-being (both physical and emotional), even if it is painful and traumatic for them.

One of the incalculably priceless benefits of marriage is having a family because children help to strip a husband and wife of many vices they might not otherwise have chosen to give up. The choice to be a parent is a choice to make sacrifices that ultimately create—by an order of magnitude—a more meaningful, worthwhile life.

When you commit to being a good parent, you inherently commit to becoming a far better person generally. Committing to being a good parent necessarily requires committing to being a better spouse. These facts give new and deeper meaning to the phrase “staying together for the sake of the children.” If a husband and wife find it difficult to overcome the effects of adultery on themselves, they may discover that staying together for the sake of, for the love of, for the protection of and for the benefit of their children will reveal to them why and how they can and should repent, forgive, and recommit to each other.

Utah Family Law, LC | | 801-466-9277

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