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Tag: former spouse

Why All Communications with Your Former Spouse Should be in Writing By Braxton Mounteer, Legal Assistant.

Even if you trust your former spouse to deal with you honestly and in good faith in any matter pertaining to your divorce, why should you communicate in writing with your ex?
Writing down or recapping your conversations in writing (text and/or email) with your spouse creates a verifiable record. If you later present this to your spouse refer back to the record and avoid confusion, refute false claims, and prove real claims.
So if your ex tries to claim you didn’t give him or her notice of the day, time, and place for Timmy’s baseball game, referring back to that text message or email message will vindicate you. If you need to prove you made a timely request for reimbursement for a child health care or daycare expense, written record is essential.
If there is no record, the event or the claim might as well never have existed. If you can’t prove it exists, it doesn’t in the world of law. Phone calls do not exist. Well, to be fair, you may be able to prove a phone call to place, but not what was discussed during the call. Likewise with in-person communications. All the other person would have to do is to claim that the conversation didn’t happen and then it is your word against another’s. To avoid that, create a written record.
Your former spouse may try to get you to discuss (or worse, to agree to) something “off the record,” as it were, and then use that opportunity to take advantage of you. Avoid the hassle; get it in writing.
Utah Family Law, LC | divorceutah.com | 801-466-9277
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Holding Marital Property Hostage During a Divorce Just Makes You Look Petty By Braxton Mounteer, Legal Assistant

You may have the idea that you can leverage his or her favorite or most valued things to get a more favorable outcome in your divorce. Holding property that rightfully belongs to the other party (like her jewelry or his tools) makes you look bad any way that you spin it. You may see the situation as a delicate hostage negotiation in order to get what you believe that you deserve, but in reality, if you behave this way, it reveals you as the petty and vengeful spouse you are.
During your divorce, you will be required to divide the marital property between your spouse and yourself and it cannot be avoided. Property division is a major and often, though not always, contentious issue between divorcing parties, getting only more complex the longer the marriage has lasted and the more affluent parties are the. Purposely delaying the division of marital property only makes you look bad and drags out your already expensive divorce.
Every time that you do something just to “get a jab in” on your former spouse, you only look petty and childish. You and your spouse end up making more work (and more profit) for your attorneys and slow the irritating, painful, and angst-inducing process of divorce down.
Be as equitable as possible. Do you really need that specific item of personal property, or are you just trying to be spiteful? If you cannot agree on who should get an item of significant value, or there are not enough items of or there are not enough items (such as a house or a car), or if there are not enough items of property to divide value equally, then sell the item(s) and split the profit.
Take a cool headed and business like approach to the division of property.
Utah Family Law, LC | divorceutah.com | 801-466-9277
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Should You Stay Friends with Your Former Spouse? By Braxton Mounteer

Whether you should be or try to be friends with your spouse after a divorce is a tough question to answer. Many divorced people continue to care about each other after divorce. Some even find their personal relationship between each other improves. Most maintain an icy distance from each other. I won’t say that being truly friendly can’t be accomplished after divorce, but the question really is: should it?

If you have children, at the very least you must maintain a respectful relationship with the children’s co-parent (even if you have to fake it, in my opinion). Just because you and your former spouse have differences does not mean that your children must share in those differences. Maintaining a co-parenting relationship that doesn’t burden the children is in their best interest. They deserve it. It’s the least you can do for them.

Side note here: I know there are those of you reading this who were innocent victims of a spiteful spouse in your divorce. That you were the class act all along and continue to be, while your ex-spouse remains antagonistic toward you. I know about those of you treat your ex-spouse by Golden Rule post-divorce, while your ex-spouse does not reciprocate. As a legal assistant, I see the ex-spouses who hypocritically hold you to a standard they themselves do not follow. This is not fair, not even close, but for the sake of your children’s well-being, you need to know that sinking to the same level as your petty, spiteful, even malicious ex-spouse would benefit no one and only make life harder for the kids. Doing the right thing matters most when doing the right thing is hard.

Sometimes it may be unavoidable to have some kind of continuing relationship with your ex-spouse. Are you coworkers? Do you have mutual friends or engage in the same activities that neither of you is willing to give up? If so, you must determine mutual friends and activities are worth making the effort to get along with your ex-spouse. If they aren’t, you can’t complain about having to give those things up for the sake of achieving your goal of having nothing to do with your ex-spouse post-divorce.

We have all heard a story of an “ ugly divorce”. Most people burn whatever bridge that they had or may have had with their spouses over the course of that process.

The fact is that the right thing to do, if only for your own sake and without consideration for your ex-spouse, is to recognize your own failings that contributed to the failed marriage (and don’t misunderstand me; if you’re not at fault, you’re under no obligation to apologize falsely) and to forgive your ex for his or her faults and the hurt he or she caused you, so that you can put your troubled past behind you as best you can as you move on with life after divorce. “Hate is a poison more deadly to the hater than the hated.” If all you can do is make peace with the pre-divorce past, that’s invaluable. If you can do one better and bury the hatchet, becoming friends, though no longer spouses, don’t let your pride stand in the way of that. If you do, you’ll regret it.

Utah Family Law, LC | divorceutah.com | 801-466-9277

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Why Hiding Your Money in a Divorce and/or Child Support Court Case Won’t Work (and why people still try) By Braxton Mounteer

When those who will be ordered to divide assets with a spouse and/or pay child and/or spousal support (alimony) confront the matter, many try to lie about and to misrepresent their finances and their income in the hope they can avoid paying. Few involved in the support calculation effort–from the would-be support recipient to the court–believes one would tell the truth about his/her income, and this is doubly true for child support obligors who are self-employed. While it is tempting to lie about your income in the hope of receiving more than you should or paying less than you should, that’s wrong (and it most likely would not work anyway).

There are several ways one can try to hide and misrepresent income and assets during a divorce case.

  • hide physical cash in the proverbial mattress or mason jar buried in the backyard
  • hide it in a safe deposit box no one knows of but you
  • hide money in a trust account, in an account opened in the name(s) of your child(ren) or another person, in an offshore account
  • overpay taxes
  • defer salaries or commissions
  • fake debt

The deadbeat dad strategy works like this, you spend all your time working and thus generate income. However, you hate your former spouse and even though you don’t have the time with your kids that you would like you still want to provide for them. So, to avoid paying your former spouse anything, you hide your money in a trust or in an unknown bank account (or some other degree of hiding your cash like skimming or filtering) that they don’t know about. You filter your cash through several fronts (friends, family members, false debt, overpaying taxes) and after the lengthy process of laundering your money, you receive it.

 How do you enjoy the hard-earned cash that you have cleaned your name from? You don’t. You have wandered into the Walter White problem. You have money you can’t spend because that would unravel the lie. You will have to keep this lie going for 18 years, and then hope that your children forgive you in your golden years for the hardship that you put them through during their childhood (this depends on the level of poverty that you have claimed).

The housewife strategy works like this, you spend your time caring for the house and the children and generate no income. You get access to your spouse’s money either through an allowance or through direct access. You then skim off the top every time you pay a bill or get groceries or something similar. This is done through cashback or keeping the change if you are given physical cash. This adds up over time and must be started several years before your divorce. You store your nest eggs either in the form of valuables, or in physical cash. You could get a safety deposit box or a safe or hide the cash in the marital home (under floorboards, in a wall, under the mattress, or in a vase).

How do you enjoy this money? You don’t. These nest eggs are for emergencies or for your quick exit from the marriage. This strategy is entirely dependent on your former spouse not catching on that money is going missing. Hopefully they are asleep at the wheel regarding their finances and not a penny pincher. You then have to maintain the lie and not show that you have money to buy things that your former spouse has not gifted to you. How do you retrieve the money without your spouse getting suspicious? You can’t pawn your wedding ring or fill your house with luxury goods without them noticing (a distant relative can only die so many times before its suspicious).

While both strategies have their ups and downs, both involve underreporting your income and hiding it. You will get caught because you are trying to hoodwink someone who has intimate knowledge of your financial situation. You cannot hide your offshore bank account from your wife who you took to the Bahamas to open it. You can’t hide money or valuables from your husband without tearing the house down. You won’t be able to hide your income because you are trying to lie to people who have seen every trick in the book and then some. You are also required to produce documents, such as your bank account statements and lists of your property. Your spouse will keep you honest.

You are fighting an uphill battle to avoid your legal obligation. Most people do not make enough money to warrant these strategies and if you get caught, you can lose every penny you tried to hide and then some. You can try but you will most likely fail because you do not have the skill, time, money, or ability to maintain these deceptions. Do you really think you will reinvent the wheel?

Honestly, it is easier to just tell the truth because the court can just choose to not believe you. If the lie that you have told to the court has too many holes or just isn’t up to snuff, then you could just lose anyway. You care about your children, so do not give them a reason to hate you just because you want to spite your former spouse.

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