Tag: healthy

Do prenuptial agreements make a wedding/marriage healthier?

Do prenuptial agreements make a wedding/marriage healthier?

Make? In all cases? No.

Can prenuptial agreements make a wedding and marriage healthier? It is conceivable that some people might find planning for divorce before they have married a comfort to them so that they don’t worry so much about divorce while married because they believe they have already “addressed” that possibility in advance. And if a marriage fails that should fail, then having a prenuptial agreement in place in advance can (can but does not guarantee) help make the divorce process easier, faster, less costly, and less acrimonious.

Do prenuptial agreements generally make a wedding and marriage healthier? In my experience, no. With extremely rare exception, every marriage is going to have its rough patches, and I have found that prenuptial agreements make divorce deceptively easy to contemplate and desire when the going gets rough in marriage, even though divorce is neither necessary nor in either spouse’s (or their children’s) interest.

I have found that prenuptial agreements send the wrong message, and that message is: I don’t see marriage as a lifelong endeavor. I have so little commitment to marriage and so little faith in you and me and our impending marriage that I don’t think we’ll last, and because I feel this way, I want an exit strategy in place now. Who’d want to marry someone like that? Success is meaningless without the risk of failure. You can’t have the benefits of marriage without going all in, without risking having your heart broken. Spouses who are mutually devoted to each other will tell that a loving, supportive marriage is more than worth the effort, the pains, the disappointments, the sacrifices.

Marriage isn’t the problem. It’s marrying without being careful in one’s choice of spouse, without treating marriage as a sacred thing, and without being committed to your spouse’s and your marriage’s success.

Utah Family Law, LC | | 801-466-9277

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Is it unhealthy for a husband and wife NOT to fight?

First, we need to define what “fight” means.

If we define “fight” as arguing, no, I don’t think it’s unhealthy for couples to argue. Again, if by “argue” we mean using language that would make a sailor blush, that’s unacceptable, but having differences of opinion that we debate—even heatedly debate—is part of learning to live together, not just as spouses, but as friends, neighbors, co-workers, and fellow citizens.

If by “fight” we mean serious physical violence, yes, it is unhealthy for a husband and wife to “fight”.

In my personal opinion, if a wife gives her husband a little slap after discovering he’s sneaking porn or after discovering he made a major purchase without her knowledge and consent, that’s not the most mature thing for her to do, but it shouldn’t be considered “domestic violence” in my book. Neither should it be deemed domestic violence for a husband to hold his wife by the shoulders for a moment while he’s angry and trying to make a point. Again, not the best thing for him to do, but not “domestic violence” for crying out loud.

NOTE: in my jurisdiction (as I would imagine in the case in most), any kind of physical altercation (even in self defense) between a husband and wife runs the risk of being deemed domestic violence and subjecting the participant(s) to criminal prosecution. It’s crazy, but that is the state of the law currently.

Some loving, devoted couples are more physical than others. They express themselves physically. They mean no harm in doing so. They do no real harm in doing so. They shouldn’t be lumped in with the couples who are wacking each other over the head with bottles and 2x4s. A zero-tolerance policy of mild/minor fighting is silly and unrealistic. Yes, I realize that in today’s political culture it’s heresy for me to state such a thing, but there are plenty of couples who agree with me and are just too afraid to say so publicly.

Utah Family Law, LC | | 801-466-9277

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