Who would you believe more in a court case: a person who admits to his/her faults, who honestly discloses all of his/her relevant information (even the information that hurts his/her case), and answered questions with “the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth,” or a person who lied (even if just a couple times)?
One of the worst things to happen in a divorce case is for your credibility to come into question. If the court finds you lied about just one matter, it can cite that one lie as reason not to believe you on virtually all matters.
Simply put, to avoid damaging your credibility, always be truthful. This should be obvious, but I am amazed at how often clients of the firm I work for try to get away with lying (and how often they try to get away with lying about stuff that doesn’t really matter anyway, but I digress). The truth is learned and established by facts that are proven to be facts by the evidence in support of those facts. Your judge will not care much, if at all, about how you feel he or she should rule, the judge is (or should be) guided by the truth, by the facts, and then apply the law according to what the facts are.
To ensure your credibility is not questioned, admit when you are wrong. If you try to bend the truth about your sins and mistake or conceal the truth about them, you are a liar. Try to justify it any way you like, lying is lying. Whether by commission (expressly lying) or omission (withholding the whole truth, selectively disclosing the facts, shading the truth, spin, you get the idea), it’s all lying. While there are some situations in which you are not obligated to tell the truth about crime or possible crime you have committed (see the Fifth Amendment), questions of and risk of being convicted of crimes doesn’t arise very often in divorce cases. Honesty is the best policy.
I am amazed at how often client fail to understand that they lose credibility when they provide us with inaccurate information. While you may not be able to remember everything regarding your finances or your personal and family history, that doesn’t give you a license to fudge your answers or give incomplete answers. The “I didn’t understand” and “I don’t recall” excuses don’t inspire confidence in your credibility. They have just the opposite effect; they make you look lazy, scheming, and dishonest. Honest people are not forgetful people. Honest people aren’t afraid to produce their bank statements (all of them). Honest people aren’t afraid to disclose that side job. If you claim to have few or no records of things that normal people usually have records for, the default conclusion is that you have something to hide. While there are limits on what the opposing party can ask of you, when what they request complies with the rules, then answer questions completely and with complete honesty, produce all of the documents that are discoverable. Even if what you answer and what you produce may expose some of your flaws, it will also reveal you as honest and believable.
Once it’s damaged, credibility is hard to repair. Better never to do anything to call your credibility into doubt. Be honest. It’s the right thing to do, and if doing the right thing isn’t enough motivation for you, honesty tends to be the better “strategy” than lying and deception.
Lying is corrosive. Lying does not allow us to be the best version of ourselves. Lying keeps us in denial about the actual state of our lives. So many of us spend our lives lying because we do not know any better way. We are so thoroughly convinced that if we let the truth out or if we let the truth dominate our lives then we would be miserable or we would lose everything. Maybe it is the case that we have lied ourselves into a corner and to admit the truth now would mean to forfeit some false comfort we have built up for ourselves.
Whatever fears we may have about telling the truth, the truth is the only way through life. What I mean by that is it is the only way to have any peace in life. So long as I am lying and avoiding the consequences of my actions, I will just be left with chaos either internally or externally. And if you are wondering how this applies to the legal field, in particular divorce law, if you are dishonest you may get what you want, but you cannot do that without taking a toll on your family and your own spiritual well-being.
Utah Family Law, LC | divorceutah.com | 801-466-9277
My new job as a legal assistant to a divorce attorney has opened my eyes to the necessity of preparation. There are emergencies and surprises that come up constantly in the practice of divorce and family law. For instance, sudden motions filed by opposing counsel, accusations from a client’s ex-spouse of abuse, or the sudden death or retirement of a judge. In order to counteract the effect of being caught off guard, it is essential to prepare for the things you have some control over, and to be prepared for emergencies and setbacks.
“What are those things I have control over in my divorce case?” you might ask. Well, I am not an attorney yet, so I cannot answer that question fully. But one thing I have noticed since I have been working for a divorce and family law attorney is that you need to be completely honest, fully forthcoming, and transparent with your lawyer. The more honest you are with your lawyer, the better prepared the lawyer can be for any curve balls that might come your way. The less honest you are, the harder it is for the attorney to do his or her job well. Hiding the truth is wrong, but if that’s not reason enough to convince you to tell your attorney the truth and the whole truth, hiding or trying to hide the truth usually fails and often backfires. Your credibility is crucial to your divorce and family law case. Damage or lose credibility and you almost surely damage or lose your case. Being completely honest and forthcoming with your attorney best enables your attorney to consider and argue your best defense. That does not mean that you should work with your counsel to escape the consequences of wrongdoing, but one thing is certain: the odds of a better outcome in your case are commensurate with how honest you are with your attorney.
Utah Family Law, LC | divorceutah.com | 801-466-9277
It is not merely a question of how quickly the witness corrects his or her answer.
Sometimes a lawyer will ask a witness for precise details simply not because those details crucial to resolving a particular issue but simply because the more details a witness recalls the more the judge or jury may believe the witness has a particularly good memory and can thus be trusted that much more.
If the case depends upon whether an event did or did not take place on a Monday (or a Thursday), and the witness knows that, then a witness can damage his/her credibility by giving contradictory responses to the question. Unfortunately, even if it’s an honest oversight or slip of the tongue, the higher the stakes, the less tolerance there is for errors.
Still, it is better to correct what you stated in error than to stick to a false story to—ironically—avoid looking like a liar. to borrow from Mark Twain, better to tell the truth and risk being branded a liar than to bear false witness knowingly and thus remove all doubt.
Utah Family Law, LC | divorceutah.com | 801-466-9277
Is it more important for an attorney to have the money or the talent to litigate and win a case (example in the situation of your choosing)?
There are many factors that bear on whether an attorney will be as successful as possible in handling your case. You asked about money and talent, so I will address those factors.
An attorney obviously needs the talent and skill to handle the case successfully or he/she won’t (can’t) handle the case successfully.
The attorney needs to be solvent and have enough money to keep his/doors open or the attorney can’t handle the case successfully.
Finally, the attorney needs to be paid well enough to do the job well enough.
There are many people in every trade and profession (not just lawyers) whose guiding principle is “get the customer to pay me as much as possible.” Those kinds of people (and lawyers) are to be avoided. Not only because they don’t provide value for the money but because if they have that kind of predatory, self-interested attitude toward you and your needs, they likely don’t have enough intellectual and emotional bandwidth to give your case the attention and work it truly deserves. Which means that kind of lawyer does not have what it takes to handle the case successfully because your success isn’t really that kind of attorney’s goal.
I’m an attorney. I have also been a client. What do I look for when seeking a good attorney for me?:
Honesty and good character. Yes, there are some honest attorneys of good character out there. Yes, they are hard to find, but worth finding, given that being honest is, in my book, the most important trait a lawyer must have.
Skill. A very close second to honesty and good character is skill. No, that’s not quite right. A successful attorney must be as skilled as he/she is honest and of good character. An honest but incompetent attorney isn’t going to do you any good, and an incompetent attorney can often make your situation worse than had you never hired the incompetent attorney.
Diligence/scrappiness. A successful attorney has to be willing to do the work needed. He/she needs to be willing to do the hard things and stay vigilant. This does not mean your attorney is your slave or that your attorney must sacrifice his/her mental and physical health for you, but it does mean your attorney can’t be lazy.
Resourceful and creative, able to improvise when necessary. Litigation and your will throw you curve balls. Your attorney must be able not merely to roll with the punches, but to anticipate as many of them as possible and have the smarts and tools to react to them nimbly and as productively as possible.
One who provides an honest day’s work for an honest day’s pay. In other words, an attorney who delivers value for the money. It’s not always obvious whether your attorney delivers value. Keep your eyes open. Your attorney is not a wizard who can take a sow’s ear of a case and turn it into a silk purse, so don’t expect such a thing. Value is not synonymous with “miracles.” And don’t expect more from your good attorney than value for the money. Pay the attorney what the attorney is worth. No more, no less. If you try to cheat a good attorney, he/she is too wise to allow that, and your attorney will quit.
Why do people in the United States get divorced so much? A 40-50% divorce rate sounds so extreme.
First, know up front that there are, of course, some people who not only can clearly and in good conscience justify getting divorced. Still, the divorce rate is so high—too high—in the U.S. The main reason why is, in my experienced opinion, because we have a serious character problem in this country that is only getting worse. We drive Judeo Christian values out of virtually every public forum so that virtually no one is taught—let alone held to—public virtues and values of honesty, courage, the work ethic, charity, sacrifice for the greater good, education, humility, love, forgiveness, and personal responsibility. A marriage consisting of one or two people who don’t know and apply these values is doomed.
Of course there are some people who not only can clearly and in good conscience justify getting divorced. Good character does not require that one suffer perpetual violence and/or emotional abuse or put up with a spouse who neglects to care for his/her spouse and children, is unfaithful, habitually drunk or high, a or criminal (to name the most obvious reasons for divorce).
But far, far too many people divorce simply as a matter of personal preference, failing to understand that marriage takes all that good character requires. Honesty, patience, sacrifice, humility, love, forgiveness, and work, both inside and outside the home. A marriage consisting of one or two people who don’t know and apply these values is doomed, and most divorces that aren’t based upon real, serious fault of the other spouse and are instead a matter of seeming convenience don’t leave one (or the children of one’s destroyed family) better off.
Utah Family Law, LC | divorceutah.com | 801-466-9277
Do you mean “with kindness”? Not necessarily kindness, but certainly decency. You are morally obligated to treat your spouse with decency, but you don’t have to go out of your way to make the spouse you are divorcing happy. You don’t have to capitulate to your spouse’s unfair or unreasonable demands.
Do you mean “with honesty and fairness”? If so, then yes: you are morally obligated to be honest and fair with everyone, but again aren’t obligated to capitulate to your spouse’s unfair or unreasonable demands, nor are you in any way obligated to tolerate being treated unfairly by your spouse.
Do you mean “forgiving”? If so, then yes: you are morally obligated to forgive your spouse for the wrong’s he/she did you, but forgiveness does not mean “acceptance”. Forgiving the people who have deceived or betrayed me in the past does not require me to trust them in the future. I forgive them so that I don’t dwell on the hurt done to me, so that I don’t let the injury continue to harm me, so that the one who did me wrong is shown the mercy needed to give him/her the best opportunity to change for the better without eternal regret or shame hampering the repentance process.
Fighting fire with fire will only intensify the pain and misery. Being the better man (or woman, as the case may be), living up to your virtuous values and standards of conduct is the only way to move on with peace and happiness (and you can get back there). Easier said than done, yes, but the only way.
Utah Family Law, LC | divorceutah.com | 801-466-9277