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Do you flee the country to avoid alimony? Or do you happily comply?

Do you flee the country to avoid alimony? Or do you happily comply?

First, let’s discuss the “option” of fleeing the country to avoid paying alimony. It’s not really an option unless you consider obeying the law optional. In one sense, obeying the law is not optional because the law itself says so and makes provision for its enforcement by those who will not obey it. In another sense, obeying the law is not morally or ethically optional because if everyone treated obedience to law as optional and without adverse consequences for disobedience to it, we’d have anarchy, chaos, and misery.

Second, you have more options than those you listed in your question. If you are divorced and forced to pay alimony to your narcissistic ex-spouse, you not only have the options of 1) fleeing the country to avoid paying or 2) “happily complying”; you can also 3) grudgingly comply or 4) have the option of taking action in court to modify or terminate the alimony award.

The option of taking action in court to modify or terminate the alimony award is contingent on whether you can meet the legal requirements for modification. In Utah, where I practice divorce law, those requirements are either:

  • Unless a decree of divorce specifically provides otherwise, establishment by the party paying alimony that the former spouse, after the order for alimony is issued, cohabits with another individual, even if the former spouse is not cohabiting with another person when the party paying alimony files the motion to terminate alimony (and note that a party paying alimony to a former spouse may not seek termination of alimony under this provision later than one year from the day on which the party knew or should have known that the former spouse has cohabited with another individual); or
  • proving that, based on a substantial material change in circumstances not foreseeable at the time of the divorce, a modification or termination of the alimony award is warranted or necessary. Regardless of whether a party’s retirement is foreseeable, the party’s retirement is a substantial material change in circumstances that is subject to a petition to modify alimony, unless the divorce decree expressly states otherwise.
    • In determining an alimony modification (which could include termination), the income of any subsequent spouse of the alimony payor may not be considered, with the exceptions that the court may consider the subsequent spouse’s financial ability to share living expenses, or if the court finds that the payor’s improper conduct justifies that consideration, or if the court finds some other compelling reason to do so.

Utah Family Law, LC | divorceutah.com | 801-466-9277

https://www.quora.com/Youre-divorced-and-forced-to-pay-alimony-to-your-narcissistic-ex-spouse-Do-you-flee-the-country-to-avoid-it-If-so-where-or-do-you-happily-comply/answer/Eric-Johnson-311?prompt_topic_bio=1

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Can I sell or trade in the family car while divorce proceedings are pending?

Can I sell or trade in the family car while divorce proceedings are pending?

How would a spouse in process of divorce go about trading her van that is in both spouses name, if the other spouse is uncooperative? Would surrendering her van to the bank be an alternative?

If you owe more on the van than it is worth and don’t depend upon the van for essential transportation needs, then if you were to sell the van such that you’d be left with just the loan deficiency (the difference between the amount the van was worth or sold for and the remaining balance of the loan), you’d probably not be punished. It would be hard for anyone to argue or for a court to conclude that by getting rid of a van worth less than the loan encumbering it you destroyed, dissipated, or diminished an “asset” that had a negative value. And if your spouse agrees (get it in writing!) you can sell the van, you’re fully in the clear.

Bear in mind, however, that many states have an “ATRO” rule (automatic temporary restraining order) that provides that in every divorce action that concerns the division of property then neither party may transfer, encumber, conceal, or dispose of any property of either party without the written consent of the other party or an order of the court, except in the usual course of business or to provide for the necessities of life. Violation of this rule can result in you being sanctioned for contempt of court. Other states that don’t have ATROs in divorce cases can still provide for the judge to enter a restraining order at the outset of a divorce case that, among other things, restrains you and your spouse from transferring or disposing of any marital property without the written consent of the other party or an order of the court.

Also bear in mind that if your credit is already bad and you won’t be able to qualify for a new loan for a replacement vehicle, you may be better off paying the loan for a vehicle you have in hand. And if 1) your spouse depended on using that van to get to work or the doctor or the store, etc., 2) your spouse does not want the van sold, and 3) by selling the van you would deprive your spouse of his/her only means of transportation, the court would likely frown on that and order you to provide or pay for a replacement vehicle.

The safest way to sell off the van or trade the van in for a different vehicle is to move the court (file a motion with the court) for permission to sell the van or trade the van in for a different vehicle. Now just because you filed the motion does not necessarily mean the court will grant that motion.

Utah Family Law, LC | divorceutah.com | 801-466-9277

https://www.quora.com/How-would-a-spouse-in-process-of-divorce-go-about-trading-her-van-that-is-in-both-spouses-name-if-the-other-spouse-is-uncooperative-Would-surrendering-her-van-to-the-bank-be-an-alternative/answer/Eric-Johnson-311

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To whom do you turn to when the police won’t protect you from your ex?

I am a domestic relations attorney. With this in mind, and if you are convinced that you don’t have enough evidence to obtain a restraining order, my answer to your question is:

You move.

Easier said than done, I know, but it’s still easier (and less discouraging, futile, and frustrating) than trying to force law enforcement officers to help you.

Even if you obtained a court order (ooooooh, a court order!) that “compelled” law enforcement officers to help you, chances are that the court would not enforce the order, if the law enforcement officers to whom it is directed refuse to help you.* Then factor in the time and effort (and money, if you hire an attorney to help you obtain the order) that goes in to seeking such an order, and it makes more sense to invest that time, effort, and money into doing something that works, something that has a much higher potential for success (if by “success” you mean getting away from your stalker/harasser/tormentor to safety and peace).

*Of course, this kind of law enforcement officer is too smart to blatantly refuse to help you. Instead, you’ll get the bureaucratic/administrative run around and the cops will play dumb (“this is a civil matter, ma’am”), so that they maintain plausible deniability. If that doesn’t work, they’ll threaten to arrest you (“disorderly conduct” and “disturbing the peace” are popular threats, as is “false report”) if you try to insist upon them enforcing your order.

Frequently, the best course of action is not to seek vindication through the legal system, but to extricate yourself from it. No, I am clearly not urging to violate the law, I am showing you that the legal system often disappoints. So if you can help yourself better than the legal system can help you (without being an outlaw, of course), then help yourself.

Utah Family Law, LC | divorceutah.com | 801-466-9277

https://www.quora.com/Who-do-you-turn-to-when-the-police-wont-protect-you-from-your-ex-I-dont-have-enough-evidence-for-a-restraining-order-and-he-is-threatening-me-all-the-time-I-feel-like-all-I-can-do-is-move-house-Do-you-have-any/answer/Eric-Johnson-311

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