Tag: psychologically

The biological father of my child filed to establish paternity. He’s unfit and I haven’t been served yet. How can I handle this?

The biological father of my child filed to establish paternity. He’s unfit and I haven’t been served yet. How can I handle this? 

My answer applies to both mothers and fathers in this situation: 

  1. Start preparing for the showdown now. Don’t wait for trouble to find you. 
  2. Don’t try to handle this without a good lawyer (not just any lawyer, not an “affordable” lawyer, but a good lawyer, a lawyer who is skilled in the area of child custody litigation, of good character (someone who is honest and trustworthy), and diligent (works hard to get the job done right and without wasting your time and money)). If you fail to comply with the law and court rules and lose as a result, saying “I had no lawyer” is no excuse and “I had a bad lawyer” is almost never a winning argument. 
  3. The best way to win your case is with independently verifiable proof. The next best way to win is with highly persuasive evidence. The difference between proof and evidence. Proof is objective, absolute. Not in doubt. Evidence weighs on the balance of probabilities. Sometimes the evidence can be of such a nature that it is highly persuasive and convincing, but it always leaves the door open. 
  4. The riskiest way to win your case is on a “your word against mine” basis (and I would be dishonest if I did not mention that in my experience most courts tend to find the testimony of mothers far more credible than the testimony of fathers—it’s not fair, it’s sexist, but it happens nevertheless, and more often than not, in my experience). 
  5. Understand and accept that this process can take a long time and cost a lot of money and take a terrible toll on you emotionally and psychologically. Budget accordingly. Stay grounded. Watch you drug and alcohol intake. See a therapist and/or a minister for help with coping skills and a check on whether your emotions are clouding your judgment. Get some exercise, even it’s just a brisk walk each day. Don’t be afraid to lean on willing friends and family for moral support. 

Utah Family Law, LC | | 801-466-9277  

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After a divorce, is joint residential custody better or worse for the children?

Let’s indulge an analogy to answer this question.

Is sugar good for you, or bad for you? It depends upon the circumstances. An occasional slice of cake or pie is a safe and pleasant way to enjoy sugar. ‘Nothing wrong with that. Eating so much sugar that your teeth rot and you pack on 30 unneeded pounds is irresponsible and hazardous to your health. ‘Nothing good about that. Yes, you have the right to ruin your health with too much sugar, but that does not mean you have the right to expect everyone around you to endorse or accommodate your irresponsible lifestyle.

So is joint residential custody better or worse for the children? It depends on the joint residential custody circumstances. Assuming there’s nothing emotionally or psychologically off about a child, when both parents are fit (not abusive or neglectful and physically and psychologically able to care for children), loving and supportive, there to provide personal care and attention, have residences that are safe and hygienic, and can at least tolerate the exercise of joint custody with each other, joint residential custody is unquestionably best for children (the research is copious and only getting clearer). When one of the parents is unfit, disengaged, and lives in a pig sty and/or in his/her car, joint residential custody would clearly not be in a child’s best interest.

Parental rights are fundamental, God-given, human rights. But they are not a parent’s absolute inviolable rights. If a parent is not minimally fit to exercise custody of a child, the law provides that such a parent’s parental rights can be infringed, restricted, even terminated. This is why a court can award sole custody of children, if it finds that the parents are not both fit to exercise joint custody and/or if it finds that joint custody would not subserve the child’s best interest.

Utah Family Law, LC | | 801-466-9277


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