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Tag: self-interest

What would happen if there were no alimony or splitting assets in divorce without kids?

That is an interesting question. Before I answer it, know this: anyone who is motivated to marry on a “what’s in it for me?” basis and who stays married motivated by a “what’s in it for me?” basis is likely to be unhappy in his/her marriage and likely will end up divorced. Marriage success and happiness depends upon the couple’s mutual devotion to each other, to the family they make together, and placing the interests of their marriage and family ahead of their own, individual self-interest.

Here is what I believe would happen if there were no more alimony or splitting of assets in divorce proceedings when a married couple has no children:

  • the desire for certain women to marry would plummet. Why? It’s politically incorrect to state the following, but it is no less true: many women (not all) marry so that their husbands (and now, in the case of lesbian couples, their wives) will provide for them (and only for them, not for children the couple may have) financially. If this kind of woman (i.e., a woman who relied on her spouse financially) knew that she would get no alimony upon divorce and wouldn’t get half of the funds the spouse saved and half of the retirement funds the spouse accrued during the marriage, there is a certain kind of woman who would not marry.
    • Do not misunderstand me: a woman (or man) who foregoes pursuing a career so that the couple can have children and rear a family together in the best possible conditions, with one parent staying home to care for the children instead of working outside the home, is a spouse who, if she/he has lived up to that commitment, deserves alimony if the marriage ends in divorce. The traditional family, i.e., where the children have a stay at home parent, is the optimal way to rear children who will be themselves physically and mental healthy, decent, productive adults. Some families cannot afford to have a parent stay at home. There is no shame in that. But when both spouses work even though they both don’t need to work, and where such spouses have children and warehouse those kids in daycare, they are doing themselves and their children a disservice that cannot be compensated for.
  • the desire for a percentage of heterosexual men to marry would increase. Many such men have seen their fellow male friends and family members financially ruined by alimony and by losing so much of what they worked so hard for in divorce. This causes many men to fear and avoid marriage to a woman out of concern that divorce will ruin them. Many husbands of childless couples who knew that their wives would not profit from divorce would not fear divorce nearly as much as they do now.
    • Do not misunderstand me: there are many men who are devoted to their wives and children. Their wives and family are a labor of love for whom them willingly and gladly sacrifice their time, effort, and income. There are many decent men, however, whose wives are not themselves decent people who are equally devoted to their husbands and families. Men who marry gold diggers are justifiably upset when the gold diggers try to profit from divorce.

Now if, after you read this answer in its entirety, you conclude that “marriage is for suckers,” you have missed the point completely.

Utah Family Law, LC | divorceutah.com | 801-466-9277

https://www.quora.com/What-would-happen-if-there-were-no-more-alimony-or-splitting-of-assets-in-divorce-proceedings-and-no-kids-are-involved/answer/Eric-Johnson-311?prompt_topic_bio=1

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Judge says stay away from my paramour. Can judge do that?

Judge says stay away from my paramour. Can judge do that?

I became pregnant by my paramour after my husband and I separated. The court order states we are not to have paramours around our child. Will the judge take custody from me if I have my paramour around due to the situation?

I assume that your question is based upon a situation in which:

  • you and your husband have a child together (we’ll call that child “Child A”).
  • you and your husband are separated.
  • there is a divorce case pending, and the court has ordered that your paramour can not be around Child A (which is not an unusual order for courts to make, by the way).
  • at some point, whether before or after separation, you were impregnated by your paramour.

Now that you are pregnant by your paramour, it appears that both you and your paramour wants to be together to support one another during your pregnancy and be a witness to the miracle of birth as it unfolds. That’s understandable.

But there’s this court order that prohibits you from being with your paramour when you are with Child A. And you appear to want your paramour with you when you are with Child A. And you wonder whether the court would take custody of Child A from you if you violate the court’s order.

Your questions are essentially: is the court’s order fair? And will I lose custody if I disobey the court’s order?

The answers to your question (and for anyone in your situation) are:

Yes, the court’s order is fair. Reasonable minds can differ as to whether it is necessary that you be ordered to bar your paramour from being with you when Child A is also with you, but if a court concludes that having the paramour around might confuse the child as to who the child’s parent is and that exposing a child to adulterous relationships and/or that shacking up is morally and pragmatically unwise is well within a judge’s rational and sound discretion.

Yes, a court could base, in whole or in part, a decision to award custody of Child A to your husband upon the fact that you are disobeying its order barring you from being with your paramour when you are with Child A. Why? Because violating court orders shows that you cannot be trusted, that you place your interests ahead of law and order and/or ahead of what the court deems best for your child. Solution: don’t have your paramour around when you are scheduled to spend time with Child A. Is this hard? Perhaps. Is it worth it to ensure you don’t lose custody or parental rights? Of course.

https://www.quora.com/I-became-pregnant-by-my-paramour-after-my-husband-and-I-separated-The-court-order-states-we-are-not-to-have-paramours-around-our-child-Will-judge-take-custody-from-me-if-I-have-my-paramour-around-due-to-the/answer/Eric-Johnson-311?prompt_topic_bio=1

Utah Family Law, LC | divorceutah.com | 801-466-9277

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How exactly does shared custody work? Does the child end up being like that kid from Jacqueline Wilson’s “The Suitcase Kid”?

How exactly does shared custody work? Does the child end up being like that kid from Jacqueline Wilson’s “The Suitcase Kid”?

The child certainly can be like the child (Andrea) from Jacqueline Wilson’s “The Suitcase Kid,” if under a shared parenting arrangement 1) the child divides his/her time living with both the father and mother and 2) each parent wants the child to live only with him/her and tries to persuade the child to do so.

But shared custody (also known as joint custody or—when the child spends equal time with both parents—joint equal or 50/50 custody) does not inexorably condemn the child to have a “Suitcase Kid” experience, as long as the parents place the happiness and mental and emotional health of the child above the parents’ respective self-interest. Treat your child the way you would want to be treated, were you in the child’s shoes!

It’s not popular these days to state what we all know: the best thing a fit parent can do for a child is to rear that child in a family in which that parent is married happily to the child’s other parent. Short of that, the next best thing a fit parent can do for a child is to ensure the child is reared as much as possible by both parents. Children of fit parents love both parents and want to be loved and cared for by both parents as much as possible (duh). Do it for them! They deserve it. It’s the least that divorced or separated parents can do for their children.

Utah Family Law, LC | divorceutah.com | 801-466-9277

https://www.quora.com/How-exactly-does-shared-custody-work-Does-the-child-end-up-being-like-that-kid-from-Jacqueline-Wilsons-The-Suitcase-Kid/answer/Eric-Johnson-311

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Should we put divorcing couples in an adversarial divorce court system?

People who are getting divorced fall into one of two categories:

  • those who want to divorce while doing each other as little harm as possible; and
    those who don’t care what happens to their spouses in divorce and who are driven by self-interest, vengeance, and/or malice.
  • Couples in the first group are not forced into being adversarial with one another or forced to process their divorce to completion through an adversarial system. If and when they simply treat each other as each of them wished to be treated, they can dissolve their marriage and divide their property and responsibility for debts between them in a fair, expeditious, and economical manner, without having to involve the court other than having the judge approve their divorce settlement.

Most divorcing couples would choose—and correctly choose—to be nonadversarial if they understood that our adversarial system is an emotional and financial meat grinder.

But, as is typical of human nature, almost everybody going through a divorce for the first time doesn’t believe the horror stories they are told about divorce, or if they do believe the stories (and these stories are true, folks), nevertheless believe that they are exceptional. Their fear, anger, and avarice blind them to reality, causing them to believe that their divorce experience will beat the odds. Fools. Damn fools (and I’m a divorce lawyer, but that doesn’t mean I want to see anybody spend money on my services needlessly). Sometimes you need to go through the court system for a divorce. Sometimes you can’t avoid it. But if you can, for the sake of you, your kids, and yes, even your terrible spouse, don’t seek to vindicate yourself in the court system, seek to extricate yourself from it as much as you effectively can.

Utah Family Law, LC | divorceutah.com | 801-466-9277

https://www.quora.com/Should-we-put-divorcing-couples-in-an-adversarial-system-like-a-family-court/answer/Eric-Johnson-311

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As a lawyer, where did you think most problems in society stem from?

Indulging self-interest without regard to, and at the expense of, the God-given rights of others and the needs of the public at large. More concisely stated: disregard for the Golden Rule.

Utah Family Law, LC | divorceutah.com | 801-466-9277

https://www.quora.com/As-a-lawyer-where-did-you-think-most-problems-in-society-stem-from/answer/Eric-Johnson-311

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