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Tag: solution

Allegations of Child Abuse vs. Allegations of Parental Alienation

Here’s a very, very short news report on the subject of when allegations of child abuse are countered with allegations of parental alienation:

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=44hJ8zWRrik

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I welcome sincere and rational comments on this very important subject.

There are no easy answers to this question, but there is one idea that will help: interview the child (when the child is a competent witness). Even if the interview raises more questions than provides answers, inquiring with the child does more than simply make sense; to me, it’s judicial malfeasance not to inquire with the child, as the child has a greater stake in the child custody and parent-time awards than anyone else. I have yet to have the child interview (in the shamefully rare cases when a child is either interviewed by the judge or in a deposition) do the child more harm than good, and when the child is articulate and credible, the child’s testimony is usually the most (by an order of magnitude) compelling and persuasive evidence.

Utah Family Law, LC | divorceutah.com | 801-466-9277

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When did you know that divorce was the option you were going to choose?

When did you know that divorce was the option you were going to choose?

First, make sure that if you reach the conclusion that you need a divorce that you really do need a divorce. Clearly, a marriage that, through no fault of your own, threatens your life, health, or safety is a marriage you don’t have wonder is worth staying in another moment. But in every other situation, divorce is not a decision to take lightly.

Some people think they need a divorce when they do not. They mistakenly believe that a divorce will be the solution to problems that the marriage is not causing or a solution to problems the marriage is causing when there are better solutions than divorce (many people have told me after their divorce that they wish they had not taken such drastic measures and had tried harder to save their marriage because they realized that 1) the marriage was worth saving and they didn’t “know what they got till It’s gone” and/or 2) divorce only made matters worse).

Even if you do not believe that individual counseling or therapy and/or marriage and family therapy will work for you and your spouse (or your whole family, if that’s a concern), you do not want to live with the regrets that come from wondering “what might have been”. Start reading the scriptures and going to church. Seek wisdom, guidance, and help beyond your own abilities (even if you think it’s a stupid idea, try it before you reject it out of hand). Before taking the drastic, painful, scarring, costly, and permanent step of divorce, try to find out whether the problem(s) in your marriage and family lie(s) with something than your spouse. Try to find out if the problem(s) can and should be solved without divorce. If, after taking these steps, you honestly conclude that your marriage cannot be salvaged, that is when you can and should file for divorce confident in your choice.

Utah Family Law, LC | divorceutah.com | 801-466-9277

https://www.quora.com/When-did-you-know-that-divorce-was-the-option-you-were-going-to-choose/answer/Eric-Johnson-311?prompt_topic_bio=1

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Some trade-offs are unavoidable

From Seth Godin:

The magic of trade-offs

If you make a laptop more powerful, the battery life will suffer and it will get heavier too.

Trade-offs.

If you make a plane bigger, it won’t land at every airport, and it will cost more to fly, even if you don’t sell all the seats.

Another set of trade-offs.

Good engineers don’t whine about trade-offs, because they realize that they’re the entire point.

If there were no trade-offs, we wouldn’t need their help, there would be no interesting problems worth solving.

In our work and our lives, we can train ourselves to say, “oh, good, an interesting trade-off.”

Utah Family Law, LC | divorceutah.com | 801-466-9277

https://feeds.feedblitz.com/~/635989598/0/sethsblog/posts~The-magic-of-tradeoffs/

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Have you ever thought someone was making a mistake by getting a divorce?

Many a time.

I am a divorce lawyer, but I wouldn’t wish divorce upon anyone except those who need to divorce to escape abuse, cruelty and other truly unbearable circumstances, and betrayal (if trust is irreparably broken).

Some people need to divorce. It’s good that the option for divorce exists for their protection.

Others who think divorce is the solution to their problem(s) are sadly mistaken. For these people divorce does not solve any problem and just creates a host of new problems.

Most people who divorce didn’t need to. If they would work on bettering themselves (both of them trying to be the kind of spouse they want and need) and then turn their attention to bettering the marriage, most marriages could be happy ones. Not perfect ones (there is no such thing), but happy, worthwhile marriages. This takes effort and sacrifice, and patience and trial and error, but the results are still better than a needless divorce.

Utah Family Law, LC | divorceutah.com | 801-466-9277

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Should there be a mandatory “cool-off” period before you file for divorce?

Should married couples have a mandatory cooling-off period before they can file for divorce? And if so how long should the cooling off period be?

Society desperately needs to reverse the obscene divorce rate. I’m all for appropriate measures to discourage and prevent divorce. Mandatory cooling off periods sound like a good idea, but upon just a moment’s reflection it becomes apparent that they are not nearly as good an idea as they seem.

What sounds good about requiring cooling-off period: prevent people from making rash decisions and divorcing hastily.

The reality: by the time one spouse or or both spouses decide to divorce, it’s a decision that’s almost always been years in the making. Requiring a 90-day or 6-month or (good grief) a one-year cooling off period just makes the couple suffer longer. Experience bears this out: in over 20 years practicing divorce law, I have yet to see a cooling off period prevent a divorce. Not once.

Besides, if divorce proceedings are commenced and then the parties think better of divorcing, then can always reconcile and dismiss the divorce action. Furthermore, even if a couple divorces and then regrets it, they have the option of either A) moving to set aside the divorce (which means the divorce decree is treated as if it was never entered) or B) reconciling and remarrying.

The intention behind a cooling off period is laudable, but it’s a “solution” that doesn’t work and isn’t needed.

Utah Family Law, LC | divorceutah.com | 801-466-9277

https://www.quora.com/Should-married-couples-have-a-mandatory-cooling-off-period-before-they-can-file-for-divorce-And-if-so-how-long-should-the-cooling-off-period-be/answer/Eric-Johnson-311

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