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Tag: wrong

What advice would you give me before divorce, if I’m not in the wrong?

What advice would you give someone before a divorce, if it’s known it may happen and you’re not in the wrong?

This is a very important question that too few people ask.

Does this sound familiar?:

  • Your spouse is making false allegations against you. No evidence to support them, yet the police and the courts and child protective services are swallowing it all.
  • You keep asking when justice will be done, when you will be vindicated.
  • You keep wondering when things would get back to “normal”.
  • In the back of your mind you are certain that one day things will indeed get back to normal
  • Odds are they won’t. Especially while your kids are minors.
  • But surely things can’t stay this crazy and out of whack forever, right?
  • Wrong.
  • Things will likely get better but will likely never “go back to normal.”
  • We don’t blame you for thinking we’re exaggerating. The idea that innocence counts for next to nothing is unthinkable. Too terrible to believe. As is the idea that people can slander you with impunity while the police and the courts stand by and either let it happen or even it help it happen. Believe it. It’s true.
  • No really, it’s true.
  • The words of this real divorced spouse and parent sum things up concisely and accurately: I kept wondering when things would get back to normal. I soon realized through brutal experience that it never will, as long as I have kids with my ex that are minors. Or if I am ever around my alone (meaning no other witness could confirm her false claims are exactly that, false). I can’t ever go back to life as it was before divorce. My rose-colored glasses are broken forever, The days of not worrying about someone making things up to punish me in divorce or criminal court or DCFS are no more. The “child-like faith” I once had in our legal system is lost for all time, never to return.
  • You can deny it all you want, but it will do you and your kids no good and only lead to more harm and being victimized more, if you bury your head in the sand or in the clouds. That will only add repeated and more severe injury to what started out as insult.
  • We know what you are hoping for, and you’re not there yet. You likely won’t be for much longer time than you think is realistic or fair.
  • Will the day soon come when you can stop worrying about protecting yourself from false allegations or complaints from your ex? No.
  • In fact, that day may never come.
  • We know people for whom it’s been years, in some cases more than a decade, and still, to this day the ex cannot be trusted to be decent.
  • You have to cautious and careful in the event that the snake that bit you once (or dozens of times) before might try to bite you again.
  • We know it’s exhausting and actually driving you near insane (we really do).
  • But you must stay vigilant.
  • You must stay classy. And stay frosty. You must. It’s either stay frosty, stay classy, or be crushed. Crushed emotionally, financially, etc.
  • An ounce of prevention truly is worth several hundred or several thousand pounds of cure.
  • We understand you’re not happy about this.
  • Still, knowing is half the battle. Forewarned is forearmed.
  • Staying blissfully ignorant won’t do you any good and can do you permanent damage.
  • Divorce and false claims of child and spousal and substance abuse, etc. are more prevalent than you think because nobody wants to believe it will happen to them. And those who are victimized are often too embarrassed and depressed to talk openly and honestly about it. Can you blame them?
  • That’s it. No easy solutions. No cheap assurances. But ignore this information, warnings, and protective measures at your peril.

Hang in there. Heed this crucial advice: “If you’re going through hell, keep going.” – Winston Churchill

Utah Family Law, LC | divorceutah.com | 801-466-9277

https://www.quora.com/What-advice-would-you-give-someone-before-a-divorce-if-it-s-known-it-may-happen-and-you-re-not-in-the-wrong/answer/Eric-Johnson-311

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“It’s pretty awful, but do you have a better alternative?”

“It’s pretty awful, but do you have a better alternative?”

I was asked the following question in response to this answer I gave to a question on Quora.com:

https://www.quora.com/What-are-some-dirty-secrets-a-lawyer-wishes-they-could-tell-us-but-can-t/answer/Eric-Johnson-311

Here is my response to that question:

First, do not engage in dirty tricks. it’s tempting, but wrong. Very few people are able to make false allegations stick. They may get a momentary advantage from them, but few enjoy long-term benefits from lying and deceiving. Now I’m not going to claim that some dirty tricks are easy and effective, but that doesn’t make them any more right or justifiable to engage.

Second, live an upstanding life, ESPECIALLY once you become convinced your marriage is headed toward divorce.

Third (and very important, even though easier said than done), to the extent you reasonably can, ensure that you have independently verifiable proof that you are not any of the things of which you could be falsely accused in divorce.

Fourth (and very important, even though easier said than done), fight false accusations with everything you have. Some courts seem to believe a false allegation more the more the false allegation is made and/or the worse the false allegations are.

Fifth, regardless of whether you are falsely accused or not, when you or your spouse file(s) for divorce, get the best attorney you can afford. Divorce law and procedure and the legal system are not what you think they are, and if you don’t know what you’re doing, they can and likely will ruin you before you’re even aware of it or can do anything about it.

Utah Family Law, LC | divorceutah.com | 801-466-9277

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Lawyers, what’s the most annoying thing TV and Hollywood get wrong?

Lawyers, what is the most annoying thing that TV and Hollywood get wrong in legal movies and TV shows?

Presenting the legal profession as though lawyers and judges never make a mistake or commit any logical fallacy. I can’t really blame the writers and producers, however, because if you saw what actually goes on in real hearings and trials you would, most of the time, be so bored you’d be glad you had Candy Crush on your smartphone.

Utah Family Law, LC | divorceutah.com | 801-466-9277

https://www.quora.com/Lawyers-what-is-the-most-annoying-thing-that-TV-and-Hollywood-get-wrong-in-legal-movies-and-TV-shows/answer/Eric-Johnson-311

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Should I be nice to my spouse during a divorce?

That depends on what you mean by “nice”.

Do you mean “with kindness”? Not necessarily kindness, but certainly decency. You are morally obligated to treat your spouse with decency, but you don’t have to go out of your way to make the spouse you are divorcing happy. You don’t have to capitulate to your spouse’s unfair or unreasonable demands.

Do you mean “with honesty and fairness”? If so, then yes: you are morally obligated to be honest and fair with everyone, but again aren’t obligated to capitulate to your spouse’s unfair or unreasonable demands, nor are you in any way obligated to tolerate being treated unfairly by your spouse.

Do you mean “forgiving”? If so, then yes: you are morally obligated to forgive your spouse for the wrong’s he/she did you, but forgiveness does not mean “acceptance”. Forgiving the people who have deceived or betrayed me in the past does not require me to trust them in the future. I forgive them so that I don’t dwell on the hurt done to me, so that I don’t let the injury continue to harm me, so that the one who did me wrong is shown the mercy needed to give him/her the best opportunity to change for the better without eternal regret or shame hampering the repentance process.

Fighting fire with fire will only intensify the pain and misery. Being the better man (or woman, as the case may be), living up to your virtuous values and standards of conduct is the only way to move on with peace and happiness (and you can get back there). Easier said than done, yes, but the only way.

Utah Family Law, LC | divorceutah.com | 801-466-9277

https://www.quora.com/Should-I-be-nice-to-my-spouse-during-a-divorce/answer/Eric-Johnson-311

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